Free!
The very word never fails to stir the emotions, in whichever of the great variety of contexts it is used. One has only to think of the citizen's pride in sacred freedoms or yearning for freedoms denied; the child's dream of being free of supervision and subsequent panic when it comes to pass; the worker's pleasure when freed from the workplace at the end of the day, the patient's relief when freed from the hospital, the student's exuberance when freed for the summer.
Miss Manners notices, however, that there is one special instance that really seems to stir the emotions: Free! as in getting something for nothing.
Naturally, everyone loves receiving presents, although apparently not enough to justify the exertion of informing the donor of this. Probably the recipients are still worn out from the exertion of informing all possible donors beforehand what they expect.
But in addition to the tributes exacted for occasions of their own, people have now come to consider that no occasion is truly festive unless they go home full-handed. And the inflated expectation and proliferation of party favors and souvenirs has led to some ugly behavior.
For an example, one need only linger at the door as the late crowd departs from a swish charity event. Inevitably, the little shopping bags of free perfume and gadgets that are now considered as essential to the festivity as drinks will have run out before all the charitable guests do. The tickets for these fundraisers may be hundreds or even thousands of dollars, and the ticket holders may have many times that in the way of dry goods on their own persons. Yet, this deprivation arouses an unseemly display of righteous and unseemly indignation.
Thus the sweet gesture of giving guests party favors, adapted -- as so much modern behavior is -- from the model of the children's birthday party, has developed into an entitlement and a disappointment.
At that, the behavior of the disgruntled, also patterned on that at children's birthday parties, is likely to be a step above that of some of the earlier-departing ticket holders. They are the prime suspects in causing the shortage by swiping more than one bag of party favors apiece.
Private large-scale events, even ceremonial ones, are not exempt from these practices. Many do not consider a bit of wedding cake to dream on to be sufficient recompense for attending, and the faux-etiquette industry is trying to insist that party favors be provided. Even then, people who may not actually pilfer the belongings of their friends might add to the take with something from the place at which the reception is held.
Realizing that souvenirs are no longer limited to what people buy -- and suffering huge losses from petty customer theft -- the travel industry often provides free goods as well, such as drug store items in hotels and socks in airplanes. Ostensibly these are for use during the trip, but Miss Manners notices how carefully people collect but then just pack away items they could easily buy if they wanted them.
She has never understood why, perhaps because she refuses to listen to the rationale, as illogical as it is unpleasant, that this constitutes revenge against paying the bills they have voluntarily incurred. Except that their souls are stirred uncontrollably when they hear that word: Free!
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I drink tea and have noticed a small tab on the inner rim of the teapot lid. Please correct me if I'm wrong, but I assume this is to keep the lid in place when pouring.
Should the lid be turned so that the tab is positioned nearer the spout or the handle of the teapot? Or elsewhere?
GENTLE READER: Toward the spout. Your question prompted Miss Manners to attempt a small experiment, from which she was astounded to discover that the lid will still fall off if you tilt the teapot enough, although perhaps not as quickly as if the tab were toward the handle. Fortunately, it occurred to her to drink the tea before performing the experiment.
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