DEAR MISS MANNERS: I bought a signed, numbered print at a small used-furniture store in my town. Badly framed and dusty as it was, it caught my eye. The sticker price was $22, but, since all the cash I had about me was $15, that's what I paid, with the proprietor's approval. I had it reframed, and I love it very much.
Several weeks later, I went into the store again to see what else there might be to tempt me. The owner spotted me and allowed as how I should never again ask for a discount.
Why not? I wondered. I found out that the print was the work of a rather well-known artist and printmaker of the last century. His work regularly sells for prices up to $2,000.
I had no idea what I was buying, and the owner of the shop seems not to hold it against me. (I've spent a bit of money there since). Am I under any obligation to make him whole, or at least a little happier? Or is this a case of "let the seller beware"? It's a small town, and I don't want to leave ill will lying about for passersby to snicker about.
Another recent purchase I made at an auction, I again paid rather less than the stated value. Should I send a note to the artist, telling her how I love the piece and the pride of place it has taken in my home? Or would this be over the top?
GENTLE READER: Would you care to discuss this with Miss Manners during, say, an excursion to a flea market? Perhaps if you used your excellent eye to point out the Rembrandts on the dollar table, she would acquire a vivid feel for your situation.
She seems to recall that there was a legal case of this kind perhaps a year ago. But you have not posed, nor would Miss Manners address, the question of legality. There appears to be good faith on both sides, and the etiquette question is not about ownership, but about rewarding the good sportsmanship of the storekeeper.
Fortunately for you, this does not require returning the painting, paying its value, or coughing up that $7. After all, the hope of finding an undervalued treasure is the great attraction of dusty old shops, and you have demonstrated that you are now a loyal customer for life who will tell the story everywhere. A letter of appreciation in addition, to him as to the other artist whose work you bought, is never over the top.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: A few times when I have met friends or former co-workers for lunch or coffee, I have been asked to join or contribute to various charities.
This past Sunday, I was asked for $35 or "even one dollar would help, and ask your co-workers." Then I was handed a brochure and was told, "These are not cheap, so I hope you really hand them out."
When the lady left, she said, "Thank you, I mean thank you if you join." I felt like I was put on the spot and, had I not known the other people at our table, I would have been embarrassed, since I do not want to contribute to her charity. I would like to say, "This is an inappropriate setting for you to pressure people to contribute," but this is blunt. What would you suggest? My only answer is not to join this woman in a social situation again.
GENTLE READER: Miss Manners agrees that bill collectors do not make relaxing social companions, especially when they are dunning you for something you do not owe. However, you are right that this does not entitle you to correct other people's manners. The statement you need is, "Thank you, but I'm really not interested," accompanied by a firm refusal to discuss the matter.
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