DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it always considered rude to roll one's eyes? Such examples as someone clipping his nails on the subway, or someone deliberately littering come to mind as appropriate preludes to eye-rolling.
Does Miss Manners ever find occasion to roll her eyes, or when she might like to? Does she believe that the rough verbal equivalent of rolling one's eyes would be "Yeah, right," and raising of the eyebrows, "Oh, really?" Is the latter behavior considered impolite, also? Depending on the context?
GENTLE READER: Rolling the eyes as a prelude to fainting is not considered rude, however much it may inconvenience those fainted upon. For any other reason, even showing exasperation at other people's poor manners, it is. If it weren't, poor Miss Manners would be stumbling through life with only the whites of her eyes showing. Raising the eyebrows is a slightly more polite gesture, as it expresses disbelief, rather than disapproval. The context is that it should be directed at someone who does not care to encounter your disapproval, and will, therefore, take advantage of the possibility of retreat. Your own children are a better bet for this than strangers on the bus.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: When I enter a room full of people who are busy talking to each other, I feel that I am interrupting if I try to greet the group. However, when people keep on talking, I feel they are being rude. Should those already in the room greet and welcome the newcomer, or does the newcomer speak first?
GENTLE READER: There is something in between shouting, "All right, everybody, I'm here! The fun can begin!" and cowering in the corner feeling like a wallflower.
It consists of threading your way through the group to find the host or chairman of the gathering, smiling and nodding to people as you pass, and spotting a congenial group to which you can attach yourself afterwards. Miss Manners assures you that this works just as well when there is no host to be found.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: My brother and I went to the cinema with family and friends. Our mother, who does not particularly enjoy movies, decided to use the opportunity to mend a sweater in the dark.
My brother, the owner of said sweater, found this behavior appropriate and not in any way disrespectful. I, on the other hand, found this a rude gesture indicating displeasure with the entertainment choices and company of our friends. Please settle this family issue so that we can instruct our mother properly.
GENTLE READER: If Miss Manners understands you correctly, your mother is a lady who quietly goes along on a family excursion she does not enjoy and engages in the ladylike activity of needlework, under the difficult condition imposed by darkness, and for the benefit of one of her children. And you wish to instruct her in propriety?
Miss Manners must respectfully decline to assist you. She lacks the heart to tell such a nice lady that she should have brought up one of her children to be more respectful of her.
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