DEAR KRISTIN: Every year around this time, everybody starts talking about gratitude. This might sound strange, but this whole “Attitude of Gratitude” kick is getting on my nerves. I’m tired of people telling me to be grateful. I don’t need to read a book about gratitude or listen to some gratitude guru tell me I’m not being thankful enough.

I’m a little worried -- and yes, a little resentful -- about moving into the holiday season feeling like I need to live up to all of this gratitude hype. I just want to stand in my own homegrown, heartfelt thankfulness and politely ask everybody else to mind their own damned business. And now, to make matters worse, I’m feeling guilty about feeling resentful. When did expressing gratitude become so complicated? Help me get my head right. -- ENOUGH ALREADY WITH THE GRATITUDE HYPE

DEAR HYPE: First, thank you for your honesty. Thank you for stepping up and standing in your own truth. It’s ironic, isn’t it, that a topic as lovely and gentle as gratitude can elicit such jarring emotions? But I can certainly understand how it has happened.

The thing about gratitude is that it is both a principle and a practice. “Gratitude gurus,” as you call them, can talk about and write about the principle of gratitude until the cows come home -- and I happen to believe that the topic is indeed worthy of discussion and exploration -- but the magic only happens when we transform their words into action: When we move these principles into practice; when we develop a deeper personal relationship with gratitude because we want to, not because we’re being told to.

I myself believe that there are lots of different layers to gratitude -- layers of which we might not even be aware. The capacity to access all these different layers of gratitude exists within all of us and each of us -- we might just need a bit of help getting there. This is when listening to (or at least considering) the advice and guidance of others can become instructive. Perhaps one of these “gratitude gurus” might have a suggestion or recommendation that you could put into play in your own daily life? Something that you hadn’t even considered! Given that that there are so many ways to practice gratitude, what would it hurt to consider a new technique or two?

If you try them and they don’t work, then be done with them. But at least open your heart (and your mind) to the notion that there are countless ways to lead a grateful life. What does it hurt to look at life -- and at gratitude -- through a larger prism?

No, you don’t need a fancy throw pillow from a trendy department store to tell you to “Be Grateful.” You don’t need that coffee mug with the words “Seek Gratitude” written all over it to remind you to always cultivate a grateful heart.

But if you happen to hear someone share a gratitude practice from their own lives that feels like it might work in yours, why not weave those threads into the fabric of your daily life? Part of being human is sharing experiences and listening to each other’s ideas and suggestions.

But listening doesn’t always mean accepting.

As you listen to people talk about (and write about) this topic of gratitude, use your gift of discernment to figure out if any of these principles might make sense in your own life. If they do, great. If they don’t, leave them where they are.

There will always be new ways to expand our human awareness. There will always be new ways to deepen our capacity for grateful living. It only becomes cliche if you allow it to become cliche.

Grow your gratitude with an open heart.

And stop being so cynical.

DEAR KRISTIN: Thanksgiving is right around the corner, and I am all-the-way stressed out. All I can think about is how my relatives will be stuffing themselves in my house, and how I’ll be stuffing all that food into my stomach. Ugh. As a kid, I remember the holidays being filled with fun. As an adult, not so much. What if the turkey’s too dry? What if my uncle flips the punch bowl over again? (It happened last year.)

I guess what I’m asking is how can I get my mind and my spirit right so that I can face the entire holiday season with joy rather than with dread? -- DON’T WANT TO BE SCROOGE

DEAR SCROOGE: If you don’t want to be Scrooge, then don’t be Scrooge. You are the only one who can set your intention, modify your mindset and change your behavior. I’ll tell you what I mean:

Decide now, in this very moment, to set your intention on embracing the holidays with love and grace. But be specific. The term “setting your intention” is not some New Age, hippie-dippy verbiage that just sounds good to say out loud. Setting your intention is a powerful, purposeful act -- as long as it’s followed by action.

If you intend on making the holidays joyful rather than stressful, think about what it will require. Make a list. Set some boundaries. Identify the potential problem spots and figure out, ahead of time, a few solution-driven scenarios. If you already know Uncle Felix is going to start working Aunt Susie’s last nerve at the dinner table, plan to seat them at opposite ends of the table. If it should come to it, be prepared, ahead of time, with what you’re going to say to Uncle Felix if he crosses the line; let him know his shenanigans are not welcome in your home.

It’s lovely that you can still remember the joy that the holidays brought to you when you were a child. Create some quiet time each day to take yourself back to those sweet days. Meditate upon them. Call them up. What was the source of all that joy? What did it look like? What did it smell like? What kind of energy moved through your childhood home that made you so happy?

For me, the smells of cinnamon and brown sugar were what filled my little life with joy during the holidays. The sound of my family’s laughter and the sight of the Christmas tree in our living room filled my heart with happiness. A lifetime later, I was able to bring those vivid childhood memories with me, to incorporate into the lives of my own two children. Joy like this is transferable -- and so, also, are the memories of joy. Our minds are stronger than we think: Tap into those warm childhood memories of yours and bring back those sensations.

I fully realize that creating joy and busting up holiday stress involves far more than just calling up childhood memories -- but it’s a great way to get yourself back on a happiness track.

So set your intention, follow up those intentions with action, establish boundaries and, to the extent that you can, get ahead of your holiday stress with preparation and visualizing a positive outcome.

Don’t let your stress rob you of your joy.

DEAR KRISTIN: I’ve been living by myself for my entire adult life, and I’m happy to report that I’ve recently started seeing someone pretty seriously. As our relationship evolves, I’m getting more and more concerned about this ridiculously embarrassing “secret” I’m going to have to share sooner rather than later: I’m terrified of the dark. Take my hand and shed some light on this conundrum, please. How do I handle this? -- NO NIGHT MOVES JUST YET

DEAR NIGHT MOVES: Sounds like you’re dealing with several different emotions at once: You’re not just grappling with your fear of the dark, you’re also facing the prospect of feeling deeply embarrassed and humiliated when your crush learns of this fear. Whatever you do, don’t panic. Panicking will only make it worse. Lean into this with grace and an open heart. You’ve got this.

I am not a therapist, but I certainly recommend your seeing one. He or she can help you wade through the source of your fears of the dark. There’s something happening at a deeper level that you should address with the help of a trained professional.

There are different approaches, and I’ll mention a few here: You could find someone to help you drill down to the original source of your fear. Or you could consider Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), where the focus is more on learning to change how you respond to the dark. I’m not offering any direct recommendations here, but I do want you to be aware that there are plenty of trained professionals out there who can help. But to seek help means you have to, well, seek help. Take the step. Initiate the action. See what’s out there.

And as you do so, try to feel pride -- rather than embarrassment -- about the fact that you’re taking purposeful, proactive steps to face and embrace your fear. You’re setting an example for all of us.

In addition to having these important conversations with a professional, it’s time to initiate some equally important conversations with yourself. Create some time for self-reflection and contemplation. Ask yourself where your fear is coming from. Try to remember its original source, so that you can, ultimately, stand up to it face-to-face and send it packing, once and for all.

As long as you’re having all these open, honest conversations, you might also want to have a conversation with your partner -- though you’ll need to rely on your instincts and your heart to tell you the best time to do it. Sharing confidences can build trust and deepen relationships.

You should also consider doing a few deep-breathing exercises just before bedtime. Place yourself in a more tranquil state of mind before you lay your head on that pillow. Mindset matters. If you read my column with any regularity, you already know that I’m a big proponent of meditation and relaxation exercises. I love them not just because they’re relaxing, but because they’re stabilizing. Grounding. Connective.

Use your breath to connect you to yourself. Remind yourself that, at all times, you are in complete control of your breathing. Your breath is the bridge between your brain and your body: Make sure your bridge is as strong and sturdy as it can possibly be. Taking slow, deep breaths from the diaphragm helps regulate the flow of oxygen to your brain. This control belongs to you: Exercise it.

The fact that this budding relationship is forcing you to face your fear could be seen as a blessing -- but it will only be a blessing if you take purposeful steps to embrace this issue with intelligence and intention. No more cowering in the dark. It’s time to face your fears -- and gain strength from the knowledge that you don’t have to face them alone. Oh, and one more thing: Get a nightlight.

Sweet dreams.