DEAR KRISTIN: I’ve been living by myself for my entire adult life, and I’m happy to report that I’ve recently started seeing someone pretty seriously. As our relationship evolves, I’m getting more and more concerned about this ridiculously embarrassing “secret” I’m going to have to share sooner rather than later: I’m terrified of the dark. Take my hand and shed some light on this conundrum, please. How do I handle this? -- NO NIGHT MOVES JUST YET

DEAR NIGHT MOVES: Sounds like you’re dealing with several different emotions at once: You’re not just grappling with your fear of the dark, you’re also facing the prospect of feeling deeply embarrassed and humiliated when your crush learns of this fear. Whatever you do, don’t panic. Panicking will only make it worse. Lean into this with grace and an open heart. You’ve got this.

I am not a therapist, but I certainly recommend your seeing one. He or she can help you wade through the source of your fears of the dark. There’s something happening at a deeper level that you should address with the help of a trained professional.

There are different approaches, and I’ll mention a few here: You could find someone to help you drill down to the original source of your fear. Or you could consider Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), where the focus is more on learning to change how you respond to the dark. I’m not offering any direct recommendations here, but I do want you to be aware that there are plenty of trained professionals out there who can help. But to seek help means you have to, well, seek help. Take the step. Initiate the action. See what’s out there.

And as you do so, try to feel pride -- rather than embarrassment -- about the fact that you’re taking purposeful, proactive steps to face and embrace your fear. You’re setting an example for all of us.

In addition to having these important conversations with a professional, it’s time to initiate some equally important conversations with yourself. Create some time for self-reflection and contemplation. Ask yourself where your fear is coming from. Try to remember its original source, so that you can, ultimately, stand up to it face-to-face and send it packing, once and for all.

As long as you’re having all these open, honest conversations, you might also want to have a conversation with your partner -- though you’ll need to rely on your instincts and your heart to tell you the best time to do it. Sharing confidences can build trust and deepen relationships.

You should also consider doing a few deep-breathing exercises just before bedtime. Place yourself in a more tranquil state of mind before you lay your head on that pillow. Mindset matters. If you read my column with any regularity, you already know that I’m a big proponent of meditation and relaxation exercises. I love them not just because they’re relaxing, but because they’re stabilizing. Grounding. Connective.

Use your breath to connect you to yourself. Remind yourself that, at all times, you are in complete control of your breathing. Your breath is the bridge between your brain and your body: Make sure your bridge is as strong and sturdy as it can possibly be. Taking slow, deep breaths from the diaphragm helps regulate the flow of oxygen to your brain. This control belongs to you: Exercise it.

The fact that this budding relationship is forcing you to face your fear could be seen as a blessing -- but it will only be a blessing if you take purposeful steps to embrace this issue with intelligence and intention. No more cowering in the dark. It’s time to face your fears -- and gain strength from the knowledge that you don’t have to face them alone. Oh, and one more thing: Get a nightlight.

Sweet dreams.

DEAR KRISTIN: As a life coach and wellness instructor, I spend most of my waking hours guiding others on how to live rich, full, purpose-driven lives. The problem is that some serious issues of my own have surfaced recently (a health scare, a hostile client, and an abrupt end to a romantic relationship), and I’m worried that I won’t be able to practice in my own life all that I preach to others.

It’s one thing to instruct, coach and advise other people on wellness principles, goals and strategies. But now that I need to tap into the very advice I preach, I’m worried that I’ll fall short. I have a client, for instance, who has been showing tremendous growth and progress, and now is the worst time to let my own problems get in the way of the progress she has made. I don’t want to disappoint anyone here --– not my clients and not myself.

Am I capable of internalizing the advice that I dispense to others? And can I get through my own tough spot without compromising the well-being of those who look to me to, um, stay well? -- ADVISER IN NEED OF ADVICE

DEAR ADVISER: This is the BEST time -- not “the worst time,” as you describe it -- to tap into all your wellness wisdom. It’s not just there for you to dispense; it’s there for you to dive into and benefit from as well, in your own life. This rough spot that you’ve hit in your own life is affording you the perfect opportunity to actualize and execute the very principles you have been trained to share with others. Now is the time to make them your own.

All of us must face and embrace moments of imbalance and discomfort in life – even those of us who dispense guidance and counsel to others. We are humans first, professionals second. Give yourself the grace and the permission to stand in your own uncomfortable moments ... but be resourceful enough and responsible enough, as a person and as a professional, to recognize when it’s time to tap into your own knowledge base in a way that brings you balance. You sound like a very wise person; the beauty of such wisdom is its accessibility and transportability. You say you spend “most of your waking hours” sharing this wisdom with others. You should certainly continue to do that -- don’t allow your clients to suffer -- but now it’s time to access that wisdom in a way that works for you, too.

Also, if you don’t already have a therapist, find one. Mental health requires nurturing and attention. Maintaining our mental health is not just a solitary, inside job. We must reach outside of ourselves to care for and curate our mental health. We seek treatment for a medical issue without batting an eye. But when it comes to maintaining our mental health, we hesitate. We try to go it alone. We become martyrs. We isolate. This is only because we’ve been trained and conditioned to conceal our mental health issues behind a cloak of secrecy. Well, it’s time for our cloaks to come off.

You are a wellness coach, but that doesn’t mean you will always be well. You are human -- and human lives can (and do) become messy and unpredictable. It is the nature of the human condition. You need to seek balance, and you know, better than most, that seeking balance often requires reaching out to others for help.

Just as the doctor will invariably require medical attention and become the patient, counselors require counseling, too. Where is it written that we must travel this road called life by ourselves? Nowhere. It is written nowhere.

Keep dispensing your wisdom and expertise to your clients without letting your own issues impede that flow; it is your professional responsibility. But also remember to take care of yourself. If you let your self-care suffer, there are repercussions for everyone -- not just for you, but for your clients.

Allow yourself the luxury of being human and yield to the notion that we all need help. Even those who help others need help. You are not superhuman.

You are human, with important choices to make and actions to take.

So take them.

DEAR KRISTIN: My husband just purchased an expensive new car. He says it’s a “reward” to himself for all the hard work he’s put in over the course of his long career, which I certainly understand. What I don’t understand, though, is the fact that he’s starting to spend more time with it -- his car, that is -- than with me. When he’s not driving it, he’s shining it, waxing it, adjusting all its fancy bells and whistles. What feels like a “reward” to him is feeling more like a punishment to me. How can I look at this differently? -- NEGLECTED

DEAR NEGLECTED: I hate to sound cruel and insensitive -- especially when I’m always encouraging my readers to approach the challenges and adversity in their lives from a place a love and awareness rather than from a place of resentment or anger -- but I’m going to say this anyway: You gotta get over yourself.

Allow your hubby to enjoy his car. And when I think about it, I might even be misusing the word “allow,” because when it boils right down to it, good-and-grown adults don’t ever really “allow” other good-and-grown adults to do anything, right? People do what they want to do, whether we allow them to or not. Last time I checked, each one of us has complete control and dominion over our actions.

This doesn’t mean you can’t communicate your feelings to him -- you should, but do it without being whiny. You have a right to speak up, but you must also respect his right to pursue his interests. There is a balance. You must find that balance ... but he must find it, too. It works both ways.

Also consider the possibility that this is not just about him spending more time with his new car -- it’s about him spending less time with you.

Get yourself a new hobby. Pursue your own new stuff. Don’t stand in the garage door wringing your hands in worry -- walk through that garage door, sit your butt down behind the wheel of your car, and drive to that new yoga class you just registered for (or if yoga isn’t your thing, just fill in the blank with something that’s more suited to your interests.) Open the doors of your own life and see what else is out there.

This “husband-spends-too-much-time-with-the-car” conundrum has been creating fissures and frustrations in relationships since the first automobile rolled off the assembly line. But it’s not really about the car at all: It’s about the human decision that’s being made by your husband -- the conscious choice he is rendering -- to spend so much time with his car. Conscious choice is more the issue than the car itself.

In my opinion, the power to exercise conscious choice is perhaps the greatest blessing we have as human beings. But this also means we must be aware of the effects our choices have on others.

Awareness is everything. Make sure your husband is aware of the fact that his choices are causing a disturbance, then both of you figure out a way to address this imbalance respectfully and gracefully.

If he’s unwilling to address the issue or if the problem persists then, you have other choices to make; larger issues at stake. Don’t allow yourself to be overlooked and neglected. Whatever you do, quit with the hand-wringing. Handle your affairs without getting mopey or resentful.

And make the conscious choice to find yourself a new pastime that ignites happiness within you, too. It is your right and responsibility.