DEAR KRISTIN: I’ll admit it: I’m bored with my life. I wake up at the same time every morning. Drive the same routes to and from work. I’m bored with my boss’s constant “sell-sell-sell” refrain and I’m bored with my customers who always expect “more-more-more” for less-less-less. I’m even bored with my wife’s beautiful-but-boring face smiling at me from across the dinner table each night. (I love my wife dearly, I should add, but that doesn’t make her face any less boring. I’m just being honest here.) When I look out the window, I see the same old trees and the same old driveway. I’m even bored with our cat, Semper Fi.
The most ironic part is that I’m actually pretty happy in my life. I’m healthy, my marriage is strong, our two kids are well-adjusted and successful. I’m just bored! The monotony is messing with my mind. Help! -- BORED WITH BEING BORED
DEAR BORED: Two suggestions: Find a new hobby and put on a new pair of glasses.
The hobby thing is simple enough. But since we both know that “simple” doesn’t always translate into “easy,” be aware that some effort will be involved on your part. Get on the computer and see what classes your local community center is offering on Saturday morning. Then select one. Then start attending! Setting your intention is useless unless you follow it up with action. Don’t overthink this. Just register and then go. To start, you’ve got to, well, start.
The important thing is to create a new rhythm in your life, but don’t go overboard. Pick one new hobby -- two at the most. Any more than that might make you feel overwhelmed, and then you won’t follow through with any of them.
The second suggestion involves putting on a new pair of glasses -- meaning you need to try to look at life and this amazing world around you through a more expansive lens. Train your brain to find the extraordinary beauty in the ordinary. This is an acquired skill that must be cultivated. Put simply, it takes effort and some rewiring of the brain, but it can be done. As usual, I’ll speak from the depth of my own human experience.
From a very early age -- as an itty-bitty girl -- my mother taught me to the see the extraordinary beauty in ordinary things.
I remember standing in the backyard with my mother one summer afternoon, just after a rainstorm. I was wearing my yellow rainboots, and we both looked up at the sky at the same time to see this beautiful rainbow.
A few seconds later, my mom reached down to the ground and placed a small rock in my hand. (I still have that rock today, by the way.) She whispered, “Look at this beautiful brown rock, Krissy. Look at its curves and contours. Feel its weight. Feel how cool and slippery it feels in your hand. It’s still wet from the rain, isn’t it? This plain brown rock is every bit as beautiful as the rainbow. Both are unique and both are beautiful.”
Today, I practice what I call “Brown Rock Gratitude” each and every day. I look at the ordinary, everyday things around me with continuous wonder and fresh-eyed grace. This isn’t Pollyanna, pie-in-the-sky empty talk. It is the way my brain is wired, and the thoughts we think are everything.
Tomorrow, when you wake up, try putting on your new lens. You mentioned being bored with sight of the trees in your yard, bored with your cat, Semper Fi, and even with your wife’s “beautiful-but-boring face” (your words, not mine!)
Tomorrow, begin your day by looking at these things -- the trees, your cat, your wife’s face -- as if it’s the very first time in your life you’ve ever seen them. Then in that same moment, gaze upon these beautiful things as if it’s the LAST time you’ll ever see them. I call this “First-Time-Last-Time” gratitude.
Create these new neural pathways. Train your brain to become more wondrous and expansive. Both of these lenses -- “Brown Rock” and “First-Time-Last-Time” -- enrich my life in miraculous and immeasurable ways.
It’s a different way of looking at life. And who gets to decide how you view life?
You do.