DEAR KRISTIN: My former college roommate reached out to me a few days ago to tell me she’s about to relocate to my town. I cringed when I heard it, because in college, at least, she was one of the most negative people I’d ever known. When I would leave our dorm room each morning on the way to class and say, “Have a great day!”, she’d answer, “What the hell’s going to be so great about it?”
You’ll notice I describe her as my “former” college roommate because I eventually had to move out: Her energy was just too dark. I want to at least be hospitable and see her when she moves here, but I can’t allow her proclivity for pessimism to knock me off balance. Any guidance? -- BALANCED AND WANT TO STAY THAT WAY
DEAR BALANCED: Sounds like you’ve already established some vital boundaries and set some critically important intentions. That’s half the job right there! But remember that intention-setting must be followed by decisive action. You can set your intentions until the cows come home, but unless you move yourself to action when the situation demands it, you render those intentions inert.
Create an action plan long before she arrives. Customize your own “Escape Hatch.” Identify your closest Emergency Exit, if you will, so that if she does happen to show all those jagged edges of negativity again, all you have to do is pull your rip cord and parachute the hell out of that Hospitality Plane. Hospitality has its limits, after all.
As human beings sharing this same planet, we all have a responsibility to shine our light and spread our love, but when that love is met with unrelenting pessimism and toxicity, it’s time to redirect our trajectory. I do realize that negative forces exist in the world, but we need not be held hostage to them.
Negative energy does have its place though, and as long as it doesn’t surround us for protracted periods of time, being exposed to its sting can actually be a blessing of sorts, because it helps us understand and appreciate the presence of positive energy in its fullest and most complete sense. You can’t really, fully know something in its most authentic sense without also knowing its opposite, yes? Having touched the texture of deep grief, for instance, helps me appreciate the highest heights of joy. Polar opposites actually help define one another. The trick is in balancing and integrating the two.
The same holds true with negative and positive energy. It sounds like your old roommate’s negative energy might have been instrumental in propelling you toward a more positive mindset -- you moved out, didn’t you? -- which may be one reason you’re so wonderfully protective of your positive space today.
You are right to guard your goodness with fierce devotion. Refuse to let anybody or anything come between you and your inner light. This doesn’t mean you should stop spreading your light. It only means that you’ve learned, at long last, not to let anybody adjust your wattage.
Your wattage belongs to you. It is yours to adjust.