DEAR KRISTIN: My former college roommate reached out to me a few days ago to tell me she’s about to relocate to my town. I cringed when I heard it, because in college, at least, she was one of the most negative people I’d ever known. When I would leave our dorm room each morning on the way to class and say, “Have a great day!”, she’d answer, “What the hell’s going to be so great about it?”

You’ll notice I describe her as my “former” college roommate because I eventually had to move out: Her energy was just too dark. I want to at least be hospitable and see her when she moves here, but I can’t allow her proclivity for pessimism to knock me off balance. Any guidance? -- BALANCED AND WANT TO STAY THAT WAY

DEAR BALANCED: Sounds like you’ve already established some vital boundaries and set some critically important intentions. That’s half the job right there! But remember that intention-setting must be followed by decisive action. You can set your intentions until the cows come home, but unless you move yourself to action when the situation demands it, you render those intentions inert.

Create an action plan long before she arrives. Customize your own “Escape Hatch.” Identify your closest Emergency Exit, if you will, so that if she does happen to show all those jagged edges of negativity again, all you have to do is pull your rip cord and parachute the hell out of that Hospitality Plane. Hospitality has its limits, after all.

As human beings sharing this same planet, we all have a responsibility to shine our light and spread our love, but when that love is met with unrelenting pessimism and toxicity, it’s time to redirect our trajectory. I do realize that negative forces exist in the world, but we need not be held hostage to them.

Negative energy does have its place though, and as long as it doesn’t surround us for protracted periods of time, being exposed to its sting can actually be a blessing of sorts, because it helps us understand and appreciate the presence of positive energy in its fullest and most complete sense. You can’t really, fully know something in its most authentic sense without also knowing its opposite, yes? Having touched the texture of deep grief, for instance, helps me appreciate the highest heights of joy. Polar opposites actually help define one another. The trick is in balancing and integrating the two.

The same holds true with negative and positive energy. It sounds like your old roommate’s negative energy might have been instrumental in propelling you toward a more positive mindset -- you moved out, didn’t you? -- which may be one reason you’re so wonderfully protective of your positive space today.

You are right to guard your goodness with fierce devotion. Refuse to let anybody or anything come between you and your inner light. This doesn’t mean you should stop spreading your light. It only means that you’ve learned, at long last, not to let anybody adjust your wattage.

Your wattage belongs to you. It is yours to adjust.

DEAR KRISTIN: My mom died three months ago. My grief is so deep I can barely breathe. I am also a new mother. My beautiful baby girl will never know her grandmother. It feels like my mom’s death has severed our family chain. How will I face this first Mother’s Day without Mom? I’m happy beyond measure to welcome my baby girl into the world, but heartbroken that my mom is not here to meet her and to love her. How do I navigate all of this? -- HEARTBROKEN

DEAR HEARTBROKEN: My deepest condolences, Beloved, on the loss of your mother, but also, my warmest congratulations on the birth of your baby girl. The very fact that I can offer condolences and congratulations in the same breath -- and actually feel both emotions, in equal measure, from the deepest depths of my heart -- is proof positive that we are capable of experiencing polar opposite emotions at the same time: Joy and grief can exist simultaneously. You must try to honor both.

Stand in the solid center of your grief. Do not shirk from it or wish it away. The depth of your grief is beautifully commensurate with the depth of your love for your mom. You miss her. Tell her that.

Consider writing a letter to your mom and reading it out loud to her on Mother’s Day. Use your written words to introduce your baby girl to her grandmother. Hold your child close as you read; let her feel and hear the power of your words.

On this first Mother’s Day without Mom, be gentle with yourself. Wrap your daughter in lots of warm embraces. Touch her tiny fingers. Feel her little pulse and rest easy in the knowledge that your shared blood, and your mother’s shared blood, is running through her little veins. This is an ancestral bond that creates a connection that can never be broken, not even in death.

When my own mother died, my entire world stopped. And just like you, I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl shortly thereafter who never had the chance to meet her grandmother. But guess what? My daughter knows her grandmother.

She knows her through me, because I talk about her all the time. I share memories, photos and life lessons. In this way, we ensure that motherhood itself remains a living legacy. Your daughter will know her grandmother if you help create the living link.

I’m not minimizing your pain, Beloved. Mother’s Day without Mother -- heck, living life without Mother -- is heartbreakingly difficult, especially when the separation is fresh and new.

But believe me when I tell you that your family chain has not been “severed.” A beautiful new link has been added to it, in the form of your daughter.

Stand in the solid center of that unbreakable link on Mother’s Day, and let your tears of gratitude, grace and yes, even sadness, flow freely.

DEAR KRISTIN: I’ve noticed a disturbing pattern recently that I need to break. It has to do with my thinking and my thoughts. Whatever I happen to be thinking about at the moment is what seems to dictate my mood, which is exhausting. Yesterday, after an uncomfortable conversation with a friend, my mood got dark and my thoughts became gloomy. About an hour later, after listening to an angry, bitter-sounding podcast, I slipped into an even deeper funk. Before I knew it, all I could hear was the sound of my own negative self-talk, playing and replaying in my head in a continuous loop. It feels like my thoughts are running the show and I’m just a passive onlooker. Any guidance? -- PASSIVE, BUT DON’T WANT TO BE

DEAR PASSIVE: It requires patience, discipline and heightened awareness, but you can, indeed, manage and even manifest your thoughts and emotions. The one thing we can control in life is our thoughts; they emanate from us and they belong to us. We can control their energy and their trajectory. That knowledge alone should cover you in comfort.

Don’t misunderstand: When you’re feeling dark emotions, try to honor them (rather than stuffing them away or avoiding them), but then ask yourself, “What’s at the root of this uncomfortable emotion I’m feeling right now, and is there anything I can do to change its trajectory?”

We are constantly thinking our thoughts -- “passive onlookers,” as you so aptly describe it -- but we too often forget the miraculous fact that we also have the power to think about what we’re thinking about! In other words, we can do more than simply react to our thoughts. When they veer into a dark place or when negative self-talk begins, we have the power to place our thoughts onto a more positive track. We are the conductors of this train -- and the tracks belong to us.

When you find yourself being overrun with negative thoughts, take a pause and turn inward. Remind yourself that your emotions and thoughts -- as important as they are -- do not always represent the truth. They are simply thoughts.

Years ago, I saw a bumper sticker that right-sized my relationship with self-doubt, fear and the inordinate power of negative thinking. It said, “Don’t believe everything you think.”

You are already beautifully, vitally aware of the fact that you need to do more to steer your thoughts and emotions in a positive direction, and to be less reactive. Be fortified and strengthened by the knowledge that you don’t just think your thoughts. You can also think about what you are thinking! Two entirely different things.

You must do both.