DEAR KRISTIN: My mom died three months ago. My grief is so deep I can barely breathe. I am also a new mother. My beautiful baby girl will never know her grandmother. It feels like my mom’s death has severed our family chain. How will I face this first Mother’s Day without Mom? I’m happy beyond measure to welcome my baby girl into the world, but heartbroken that my mom is not here to meet her and to love her. How do I navigate all of this? -- HEARTBROKEN

DEAR HEARTBROKEN: My deepest condolences, Beloved, on the loss of your mother, but also, my warmest congratulations on the birth of your baby girl. The very fact that I can offer condolences and congratulations in the same breath -- and actually feel both emotions, in equal measure, from the deepest depths of my heart -- is proof positive that we are capable of experiencing polar opposite emotions at the same time: Joy and grief can exist simultaneously. You must try to honor both.

Stand in the solid center of your grief. Do not shirk from it or wish it away. The depth of your grief is beautifully commensurate with the depth of your love for your mom. You miss her. Tell her that.

Consider writing a letter to your mom and reading it out loud to her on Mother’s Day. Use your written words to introduce your baby girl to her grandmother. Hold your child close as you read; let her feel and hear the power of your words.

On this first Mother’s Day without Mom, be gentle with yourself. Wrap your daughter in lots of warm embraces. Touch her tiny fingers. Feel her little pulse and rest easy in the knowledge that your shared blood, and your mother’s shared blood, is running through her little veins. This is an ancestral bond that creates a connection that can never be broken, not even in death.

When my own mother died, my entire world stopped. And just like you, I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl shortly thereafter who never had the chance to meet her grandmother. But guess what? My daughter knows her grandmother.

She knows her through me, because I talk about her all the time. I share memories, photos and life lessons. In this way, we ensure that motherhood itself remains a living legacy. Your daughter will know her grandmother if you help create the living link.

I’m not minimizing your pain, Beloved. Mother’s Day without Mother -- heck, living life without Mother -- is heartbreakingly difficult, especially when the separation is fresh and new.

But believe me when I tell you that your family chain has not been “severed.” A beautiful new link has been added to it, in the form of your daughter.

Stand in the solid center of that unbreakable link on Mother’s Day, and let your tears of gratitude, grace and yes, even sadness, flow freely.

DEAR KRISTIN: I’ve noticed a disturbing pattern recently that I need to break. It has to do with my thinking and my thoughts. Whatever I happen to be thinking about at the moment is what seems to dictate my mood, which is exhausting. Yesterday, after an uncomfortable conversation with a friend, my mood got dark and my thoughts became gloomy. About an hour later, after listening to an angry, bitter-sounding podcast, I slipped into an even deeper funk. Before I knew it, all I could hear was the sound of my own negative self-talk, playing and replaying in my head in a continuous loop. It feels like my thoughts are running the show and I’m just a passive onlooker. Any guidance? -- PASSIVE, BUT DON’T WANT TO BE

DEAR PASSIVE: It requires patience, discipline and heightened awareness, but you can, indeed, manage and even manifest your thoughts and emotions. The one thing we can control in life is our thoughts; they emanate from us and they belong to us. We can control their energy and their trajectory. That knowledge alone should cover you in comfort.

Don’t misunderstand: When you’re feeling dark emotions, try to honor them (rather than stuffing them away or avoiding them), but then ask yourself, “What’s at the root of this uncomfortable emotion I’m feeling right now, and is there anything I can do to change its trajectory?”

We are constantly thinking our thoughts -- “passive onlookers,” as you so aptly describe it -- but we too often forget the miraculous fact that we also have the power to think about what we’re thinking about! In other words, we can do more than simply react to our thoughts. When they veer into a dark place or when negative self-talk begins, we have the power to place our thoughts onto a more positive track. We are the conductors of this train -- and the tracks belong to us.

When you find yourself being overrun with negative thoughts, take a pause and turn inward. Remind yourself that your emotions and thoughts -- as important as they are -- do not always represent the truth. They are simply thoughts.

Years ago, I saw a bumper sticker that right-sized my relationship with self-doubt, fear and the inordinate power of negative thinking. It said, “Don’t believe everything you think.”

You are already beautifully, vitally aware of the fact that you need to do more to steer your thoughts and emotions in a positive direction, and to be less reactive. Be fortified and strengthened by the knowledge that you don’t just think your thoughts. You can also think about what you are thinking! Two entirely different things.

You must do both.

DEAR KRISTIN: You write a lot about the importance of becoming more reflective in our lives. I’ve been trying to do just that -- I’m always reflecting on my goals and my dreams -- but I still feel disconnected from the larger world around me, almost like I’m living on an island, isolated from everyone else. What am I doing wrong? -- DISCONNECTED

DEAR DISCONNECTED: First, feel pride in yourself for becoming more reflective; it is a purposeful act. But also understand that there’s a difference between reflection and self-reflection. Be intentional about striking a balance.

When you write, “I’m always reflecting on my goals and my dreams,” this tells me that you’re only reflecting on yourself. While self-reflection is vital, it cannot be the only thing. Learn to look at life through a larger prism: As important as it is to reflect on your own goals and your dreams, understand that there’s a larger world around you that is deserving of your thoughts and your energy. Resist the urge to make it all about you, all the time. Again, it’s all about the balance.

As humans, we love to think about ourselves. In our own minds, we are constantly solving our own problems, tallying up our own bills, developing our own strategies for advancement, figuring out ways to get (and stay) ahead of the game. But staying in our own heads is not always a good place to be.

Instead of just reflecting on yourself, wear a wider lens. Reflect not just on yourself but on your neighbor, the stranger you pass on the street, the state of our environment, the friend who is in need. This is when we solidify our relationship with the larger world around us -- not just by reflecting, but by taking steps to strengthen our bonds with others. Thought leads to action; everything begins with thought.

I’m not saying self-reflection is unimportant, but if we stay stuck in the prism (and the prison, I suppose) of “me, me, me,” we separate ourselves from the rest of the world. That’s why you feel like an island.

We can train our brains to think about something other than ourselves. Consider what I call “The Two-Minute Challenge”: For two consecutive minutes each and every day, devote your thoughts and mental energy to something other than yourself.

It’s much, much harder than it sounds. During those two minutes, your brain will try to pull you back to thoughts about yourself: “Did I pay my phone bill? Is that a tickle in my throat? Am I ready for tomorrow’s presentation?” Toss all the “me-me-me” thoughts to the curb.

For 120 uninterrupted seconds, place every ounce of your mental energy on something (or someone) other than yourself. Your brain will pull you back to yourself, but resist the urge. Step beyond yourself. By expanding your thought territory beyond the “me-me-me,” you are connecting with the larger world around you.

I’ll use myself as an example: Ironically, the very act of pushing beyond myself allows me to connect more deeply with myself -- and to touch others at the same time. When I teach the graceful movements of Ta‘i Chi Chih, for instance, I am not only instructing others on how to tap into their tranquility, I am deepening my own tranquility as well.

Another example: Whenever I drive past a hospital, I try to send a quick “shooting prayer” to everyone inside -- a brief, furtive prayer that covers all the patients, their families and the medical personnel inside. I don’t know them, I will never meet them, but the fact that I have thought about them, prayed for them and sent them a bit of my own positive energy helps me feel more connected. And because I believe prayer works, I also believe it helps them, too.

So consider expanding your definition of “reflection” so that it involves more than just self-reflection. Move your thoughts beyond yourself. This will be the bridge that connects you to the wider world around you. No longer will you be an island.