DEAR HARRIETTE: I am embarrassed to say that I suffer from almost all of the chronic health problems that commonly befall Black people in this country. I feel like such a failure in this regard. Outside of my health, I am killing it at work and have a good life. I checked off all the boxes toward success regarding education and building a career and family, but the health part sucks.

I don’t want to tell anybody because it’s embarrassing. I don’t want to be a statistic -- especially after so much hard work. I admit, though, that I have not prioritized exercise or healthy eating the way I should have. I was grinding, trying to make a career for myself. What can I do now without drawing attention to my problems? -- Health Hurdle

DEAR HEALTH HURDLE: Just like you mapped out your career path, you now need to map out a health journey. You can do this with your doctors. They have to keep your health confidential. Ask for their support. Enlist a dietician and a fitness coach, as well. Then make a plan of action with incremental checkpoints and goals that will help you monitor your progress. Rather than being embarrassed, be charged up to get healthier. When you are ready, invite your closest family members and friends to support you. That will make it easier for you to reach your goals.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I feel like I am the friend who is always doling out advice. My friends call me at all times of the day and night to have me weigh in on their issues. That’s fine -- for the most part. What’s tough is when I need to bend someone’s ear but nobody is available. This has happened to me a few times. Now I realize that these people whom I consider to be my closest friends are selfish. They really aren't thinking about me and my best interests, even though I spend most of my time worrying about them. At first, I was mad at all of them, but as I thought about it, I realized it’s my fault. I’m the one at the ready to solve their problems. How can I change this and have somebody who wants to have my back? -- What About Me?

DEAR WHAT ABOUT ME: Step back for a moment and think about your friends. Which ones would you want advice from? Of course you would appreciate anyone being a good listener. Who does listen? But also, is there anyone who gives good advice? If not, consider editing your friend group to include someone who is not accustomed to having you play the role of therapist and who would be happy to be in a more reciprocal relationship.

Also, evaluate how you interact with your current friend group. Could you behave any differently? Offer less advice? Be more part of the group instead of the group’s problem solver? Your friends may not think you want or need their input. You may need to sit down with them and tell them what you need. You may be surprised to learn that they didn’t realize it at all.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: All of a sudden, I got really sick. I woke up one day and felt like garbage. I had so much work to do that I went to work anyway, but then I realized that I needed to take time off to get better. I don’t ever take time off, so my boss was shocked when I said I had to go.

He let me leave, but he constantly called me for information, files or paperwork -- anything he might need. It was hard for me to fulfill his requests because I had a fever and was sick. Finally, I told him I had to turn off the phone for a while so I could take a nap. He got mad at me. Because he was so upset, I came back to work the next day. But now I’m mad. I know I deserve to take time off when I’m sick. How can I get my boss to understand this? -- Boundaries

DEAR BOUNDARIES: Start by taking a look at your company handbook regarding sick days. Hopefully, there is a policy in place. If so, you can refer to it when you speak to your boss. If there is not -- which happens sometimes in small companies -- you need to be ready to request time off for yourself, even if it is not prescribed in a formal document.

Speak to your boss. Remind him of how loyal you have been over all of the time that you have worked for the company. Tell him that you did not appreciate, however, that he was reluctant to give you time to heal when you were sick. You jeopardized the staff by going into the office sick, and you compromised your healing by not taking time off. Next time, stay home when you are ill, and turn your phone off after calling in.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I work with a group of women who are much younger than I am. Most of them have small children. They are constantly talking about their children’s challenges and concerns, which are interesting -- to a point. After hours of this banter, I’m exhausted. I have older children. When I add my own commentary about how I handled similar situations, sometimes they appreciate it, and other times they look at me like I’m an old woman. I could be hypersensitive here, but I don’t think so. I am not their peer, and it is obvious during these social times. Is there anything I can do to change the conversation occasionally to more neutral ground -- perhaps even work topics? -- On the Outside

DEAR ON THE OUTSIDE: I wonder if there’s anything these young mothers are discussing that could be used to benefit the business? As someone with a different perspective (since you are not of their generation), you can likely point out how the struggles they are going through might translate to the work you do. Consider what topics of discussion you may be able to suggest that could be useful for the company, for the work it does, for efficiency, etc. Ask them whether they think their experiences can translate into efficiencies for themselves and the company. That may get everyone excited.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a colleague who wears a very pungent perfume. It’s been increasingly difficult to focus with this smell filling the office, and I don’t know how to address it without making things uncomfortable. She might not be aware of how strong it is, but it’s starting to be a real distraction for everyone in the office. It would be really awkward to ask her to tone it down or change her perfume, but I’m afraid this situation isn't going away unless I do something about it. Do I take the risk of speaking up and potentially damaging our working relationship, or should I ignore the issue altogether? -- Too Much Perfume

DEAR TOO MUCH PERFUME: Since you have a relationship with this woman, you may want to pull her aside and tell her your truth: Her perfume is so strong that it is a distraction in the office. She may not realize how strong the scent is. If it gives you a headache or some other physical reaction, tell her, and ask her to spray less or consider wearing something different. If she takes offense or doesn’t change, tell your HR specialist or your boss and ask that person to address it with her.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I wanted to comment about the woman who wrote to you concerning the male members of her fitness center who were leering at or making offensive remarks to the ladies. I have four words for her: stand up for yourself. If a politician, supervisor, business owner or complete stranger gropes you or makes some other kind of offensive remark, do something about it right then and there. Yell, scream, make a scene or, better yet, slap the offender. You should not be embarrassed or fear reprisal simply because you are an attractive female. That is what these juveniles are hoping for. When this happened to my wife at the bowling alley, she told the offender in a very loud voice, “keep your hands to yourself.”

Why do you want to get someone else involved? And why did you suggest she do so? Why wait months or even years to relay the incident to the news media or the courts in hope of getting someone to believe you and discredit the offending jerk? If women are unwilling to stop this kind of behavior, it will continue. I am betting that these same ladies would not allow their husbands or boyfriends to perpetrate these types of actions in public, yet they keep letting others get away with such things without doing anything about it. Be strong, be confident and stand up for yourself. -- Stand Up

DEAR STAND UP: You make a strong point, and I thank you for sharing it. I want to add, though, that for many women, the jeering or groping can be startling and intimidating. For those who do not feel comfortable or safe enough to speak up in the moment, there are other options, including speaking to a manager, calling the police or otherwise filing a complaint.

I agree that it is best to address things when they happen. But it is not necessarily a sign of weakness when a woman does not stand up to an aggressor. Safety is key in these situations. For all who find themselves compromised in such ways, consider all of your options. If you can address it immediately, do so. If not, don’t give up. Find another way. Your safety is of the utmost importance.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)