DEAR HARRIETTE: I went on vacation for a week and decided to unplug. I didn’t speak to friends, family or anyone who could be reached only by phone. I’m back now, and I can't help but think about how much happier I was when I was not speaking to anyone. I miss my solitude and the peace of mind that it brought me. I miss not being so connected to everyone. Is this a bad thing? What could this mean? -- Loner

DEAR LONER: Your vacation helped you to reset. Rather than eliminating friends and family from your life, you may want to change the rhythm of your engagement. Choose a day of the week that you can devote to communicating with others. Do not answer the phone every time it rings in the future. Let voicemail pick up the call. Change your voicemail message to let folks know that you will be answering your phone infrequently. In case of emergency, invite them to text you. You can control your time. You can train your loved ones to change their expectations of how often they talk to you. You can reinforce this without feeling guilty, too. You get to be the captain of your ship. It’s OK to change the dynamics of engagement, even -- and especially -- with the people you love.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have not been getting along with my husband at all. He irritates me to no end. For a long while, we have been coexisting rather than enjoying each other. I don’t like this, but I don’t necessarily have a solution for how to make things better. I know that romance often dies in a marriage over time; I’m not so much looking for that. I would like companionship, but what I get is him interrupting me all the time when we talk or him telling me what to do. I’m tired of that. How can I get him to wake up and see me for who I am and want to participate in conversations and activities with me? -- Disconnected

DEAR DISCONNECTED: Can you remember what you used to do that made you happy? What activities did you do together? What did you do for fun? Additionally, whose company do you enjoy? Are there any friends you might like to hang out with? Think outside of the box to discover ideas that may spark some energy between the two of you. You need to break the patterns that you have gotten locked into so that you can rediscover fun.

Look at your community bulletin to see what’s going on in your town. At this time of year, there are often lots of things to do that get you outside. Is there a tree-lighting event in your town? A musical playing at your local theater? A feature film you can see? Friends who may want to go ice skating or bowling or to a concert? Think about what may spark both of your interests, and go for it. You may have to push at first to get him to budge, but don’t give up.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I woke up in the middle of the night dreaming about an old boyfriend. I haven’t talked to him in years, but I recently learned that his wife of more than 20 years passed away. I wonder if that’s why he came into my dream? It was weird. The dream was erotic. I can’t tell you when I last had any sexual fantasies. I have been single and without a date for years. Sex really hasn’t been on my brain, but here I was in an intimate moment with this man. Do you think that’s a sign? Should I reach out to him? And what should I say? Do I tell him we were intimate in my dream? I don’t quite know what to do. -- In My Dreams

DEAR IN MY DREAMS: Dreams are not always literal. A few things come to mind, though, regarding your dream. For starters, now you know that you can and do still have sexual desires. Your dream activated that for you, and those feelings were real. Relish in that!

Your dream also reminded you of this man. If you still have fond feelings for him beyond your erotic dream, reach out to him to say hello. Express your condolences for the loss of his wife, and check in to see how he is doing. Do not tell him about your dream. Instead, just talk to him. You can ask if he needs anything. You can even offer to visit him or invite him to coffee. Read the moment as you are speaking to him to get a sense of where he is and what he is doing with his life. No need to be pushy. Instead, just be present. See how things unfold.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am still working from home. My whole work setup now is at my desk with my computer that links me to the outside world. My husband retired during the pandemic, so he is also at home without job responsibilities. I have noticed that when I am on an important call, my husband regularly comes into the room and starts talking to me. He knows I am working. I follow the same schedule every workday, but somehow he seems to “forget” all the time. I then have to wave him off, shush him or interrupt my meeting because he won’t go away. How can I get him to stop? It seems pretty immature, really. -- Work Boundaries

DEAR WORK BOUNDARIES: Why not put a sign up on the outside of your office door stating your office hours? It can be the same daily, or it may change based upon your responsibilities for the day. You may also write into the calendar when your free time is. To the best of your ability, venture out of your office during your free time to chitchat with your husband, share a meal or otherwise engage him. If he begins to notice that you are making time for him during your workday, he may become more amenable to honoring the hours you cannot communicate with him.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My parents have become very unpleasant in their old age. I try to visit them as often as I can, but their attitudes these past few visits have made them increasingly harder to be around. I stayed with them for only five days, and on the third day, they were bickering and moping. I feel terrible for not wanting to spend as much time around them, but I really can’t stand the negativity. How do I deal with this? -- Unpleasant Parents

DEAR UNPLEASANT PARENTS: Is it possible for you to visit with them but stay at a nearby hotel? Sometimes it is helpful to keep some distance between you and your parents. In that way, you may be able to visit longer without being overwhelmed.

Because their behavior has changed, you should do some sleuthing. What is going on with them as a couple and with them individually? Are there health concerns of which you are unaware? Are they suffering any mental degeneration? Are they forgetful? How clean is their home? Are they able to manage independently? Sometimes when older people’s behavior changes dramatically, it is the result of aging and not necessarily understanding what’s happening to them. If you can take them for physical examinations while you are with them, that would help you to discover any underlying issues that need to be addressed.

Don’t give up on them or visit them less. Find a way to be with them strategically so that your peace of mind is intact and you can learn what they need. More activities and interaction with others could help them. Perhaps they can join a senior center or community group where they interact with peers around social and civic activities. The change in pace may help with their attitudes.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have never been good at reconciling my finances at the end of the year. I have struggled with doing my taxes, and usually I get them done, but not without hours of anguish and worry that I am doing them wrong. I do not make a lot of money, so I never got an accountant, but I’m wondering if I should. I’m embarrassed by my low finances, but I don’t want to miss out on tax breaks and other things that I could benefit from if a professional helped me out. Do you think it’s OK to get help, even if my income is low? -- Need Tax Help

DEAR NEED TAX HELP: Yes! No matter what your income, you can definitely reach out for help in preparing your taxes. There are some free tax prep services that provide forms that can make it easy for you to fill out the information by following the prompts. There are also affordable tax services that can file for you. What’s important for you to know is that you must gather all of your receipts, bank statements, pay stubs, etc. Have them as well-organized as possible so that when you meet with a tax preparer, you have your papers in order.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)