DEAR HARRIETTE: My sister is newly engaged to a man that she has been in a relationship with for several years now. They seem very happy for the most part. For my sister’s birthday, we all went out to dinner and had an activity-packed day with a bunch of their other friends. I couldn’t help but notice that one of her fiance’s female friends was being maybe a little too friendly with him. It was subtle, but I’m observant and picked up on it right away. My sister didn’t seem to notice. I’m protective of my sister, and I’m quick to call out anyone or anything that I think could potentially hurt her. I think she should keep an eye on that woman. Should I say something? -- Too Friendly

DEAR TOO FRIENDLY: You should tell your sister objectively what you observed. Rather than worrying about this woman, I recommend that your sister bring it up to her fiance directly. Ask him what their history is: Did they ever date? Does he know that she seems to be attracted to him? Can he put her behavior in check?

It is not unusual for someone in a friend group to have a long-term crush on a member of the group. Her interest does not mean that his feelings are reciprocal. As long as the two in the relationship are on the same page about friends and boundaries, they should be fine. Yes, some friends may have to be let go when you get married, but some can simply be put in their place.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a hair weave for the first time. I love how it looks, but I realize that it makes for awkwardness in the bedroom. I haven’t had a boyfriend for years. Recently, I started dating someone. We were kissing, and he put his hands in my hair. I tensed up a lot. I knew he would instantly feel the tracks in my hair. I stopped kissing and started sputtering as I tried to explain about my hair. That totally killed the moment.

Afterward, I shyly told him that I had never had a weave before and didn’t know how he would react to it. He said he didn’t realize my hair wasn’t real, but he didn’t care. That was a relief, but it still feels a little awkward now. How can I get past my insecurity? I really like my new hairstyle but feel like it’s a hindrance in the bedroom. -- Hair Weave

DEAR HAIR WEAVE: You are part of a very large club, so to speak, of women who have hair weaves, lace-front wigs, traditional wigs and other hair enhancements. Take a deep breath and know that thousands of women have sorted this out successfully.

You have options. You can make your hair off-limits by saying so and gently moving your lover’s hands away from your head when they start traveling there. You can allow him to put his fingers in your hair and discover what’s there. You can make peace with the fact that you have chosen to wear your hair in a particular way that requires a little bit of help beyond Mother Nature. Your guy is going to have to be OK with that, or he’s not your guy.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR READERS: Happy Thanksgiving! For those of you who have been with me over the years, you know how much I love this holiday. It is that time of year when family and loved ones come together just to be together. For me, it is also the time of year when my daughter was born. Believe it or not, I started writing this column before she was born. This year, this week, she turns 19. She voted for the first time, and she is away at college. This family gathering will be extra-special because we will be seeing her for the first time in a long time.

Family. For me, family is everything. Family is my heart. My life. My joy. Also, my irritation. My button-pushers. My judgment. Family is everything.

Family represents both the people whose blood we share and those whom we have invited into the covenant consciously: people we have anointed as family. As I am feeling extra-sentimental now, I invite you to do the same. Think of the people whom you call family. Which ones make you smile just seeing their faces? Which ones make you cringe? Which ones do you remind yourself you have to forgive in order to be around them? Which ones are your stray dogs, the ones you gather up on this occasion to ensure that they are taken care of and loved?

Who is your family? And how do you treat them? Many people speak of anxiety that they feel about spending time with family. While that is real for many, your attitude can make a huge difference as to how these encounters unfold. For me, the biggest thing to remember is that I am not 10 years old anymore. I am a mature adult who should remain grounded in the person I am today, not who I was when vying with a sibling as a child. I choose to walk into family gatherings assuming the best for how we will all interact. I decide what I will talk about and what is off-limits in advance so that I don’t get caught off guard. Then I relax.

There’s a mantra that I was taught in my spiritual community, “See God in Each Other.” I practice that actively when I am with my family. Think about it. How would you treat someone if you looked at them and imagined that there is divinity in them? What happens for me is that I look with a softer gaze. I assume the positive in whatever they say or do. I believe that they have something worthwhile to share even if it takes them a bit too long to tell a story. I trust that I am in the right place at the right time with the right people. I practice patience when I am feeling agitated.

It really works to take a breath, look around and choose to see the best in others. It also ignites that same loving glance to travel around the room and become a covenant of goodness, replacing any negativity that may be festering. Try it today. Breathe. Choose to see God in your family. Have a great time!

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions toaskharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: Lately I’ve been going out by myself on weekends. It’s been empowering and somewhat therapeutic for me to go out to clubs, restaurants, bars, movies, etc. by myself. I feel independent and self-sufficient knowing that I don’t need anyone else to have a great time. Interestingly enough, I meet more people when I’m out alone than when I’m out with my friends. The only thing that I feel any concern for is my safety. I’m a 25-year-old woman, and I live in a big city that can be slightly dangerous sometimes. How can I ensure that I’ll be safe when I’m out alone? -- Going Solo

DEAR GOING SOLO: Good for you that you are living your life on your own terms. It’s smart that you want to be cautious. Most of the advice I have for you would apply even if you were out with someone else, but here are a few things to keep in mind. Do not accept drinks from people you do not know. Order your drink yourself and watch the bartender pour it and hand it to you. If you put your drink down and look away, the drink isn’t yours anymore, period. Do not get intoxicated. Stay of sound mind. Do not be the last person to leave an event. Use a car service if parking is too far away for a comfortable walk from the venue. Ask the maitre d’ or an attendant at a function to walk you to your car.

Don’t carry cumbersome packages or wear unwieldy shoes or overly flashy clothing. Present yourself on the modest side so that you don’t attract suspicious attention. Please know that this doesn't mean you should look dowdy. Make sure that how you look matches how you mean to present yourself. If you have a friend or confidant whom you could tell where you are going or share your location via your smart device, do that so that you aren’t completely alone. Finally, always make sure your phone is fully charged before you leave the house.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband is a big conspiracy theorist. He watches these shows and then comes to tell me all the half-cocked stories that he has heard about the End of Days, aliens and other extreme things that he believes are happening in the world. I have no interest in hearing any of this. It makes me frustrated, but he insists that I sit with him and listen to whatever he just spent hours watching on YouTube. I have had enough. When I push back, he sulks. How can I preserve my sanity as he seems to be losing his? -- Need A Firewall

DEAR NEED A FIREWALL: Allow your husband a half-hour of your time on a scheduled basis when he can download whatever he needs to get off his chest. You can endure that length of time, but you must make him stick to the schedule. Tell him clearly that you are not interested in these things, but you are willing to listen for a short time as long as he honors your agreement on time limits. If he goes over or invades your space when you are not interested in engaging, interrupt him and tell him it is not the time for his stories. He will get mad, but if you get up and walk away to enforce your boundaries, he will get over it in time.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)