DEAR HARRIETTE: My parents are feuding and have been for quite some time. I usually duck out of the room when they start in on each other, but things have escalated of late. I am living at home this year because I haven’t found a job yet after graduating from college during the pandemic. I feel horrible that I am not yet independent and worse that I am stuck in the middle of a firestorm between my parents. I often just hide out in my room. But the constant arguing is driving me nuts and making it hard for me to get motivated to do anything positive for myself. How can I get out of this rut and also stay out of their business? They regularly try to get me to take sides. I don’t want to be part of their drama at all. -- Get Out
DEAR GET OUT: You need to make a plan for your life with a timeline. Focus all of your energies on setting yourself up for success. Let your planning support your ability to live through the negative energy you are witnessing between your parents. Figure out what you want to do now and long-term. What kind of job can you get right this minute that will generate cash to put toward your independent life? What jobs are available in your field of interest? What are apartment rates like in your area? Do you know anyone who might be a good roommate? Work hard to answer these questions so that you can be prepared to make a move. Check in with yourself each month to evaluate your progress. When you reach the deadline you have set, do something.
Meanwhile, be kind to both of your parents. Do not offer your opinion about either of their positions or behaviors. You can let them know that their constant arguing is making you feel uncomfortable. Otherwise, stay out of it.