DEAR HARRIETTE: My contract wasn’t renewed at my job, and I have no backup plan. I’m devastated. This was my dream job. I know that there was plenty of room for improvement on my end, but they really made it seem that I would have at least another six months to learn and grow within the company. Severance pay was not in my contract, so I have no clue what to do until I find another job. I’m discouraged about even looking for a new job right now. How do I figure out what’s next for me? -- Nonrenewal

DEAR NONRENEWAL: First, do an honest assessment of your job performance at your old job and the warning signs along the way to your dismissal. You need to figure out why this was a surprise to you so that you can avoid it in the future. What were you not doing well enough? How can you improve in those areas in the future?

Next, think about what your top skills are and what types of jobs are the best match for you. Tweak your resume with these jobs in mind and start applying again. Use LinkedIn to post your status and talk about yourself a bit. Go to job search websites and look for opportunities that reflect your interests and aptitude. You may have to explain what happened at this most recent job. Think about a strategic answer that is honest about your vulnerabilities but keeps you looking appealing to a future employer.

DEAR HARRIETTE: An employee of mine is intelligent and well-spoken and does her job well. I have no intention of letting her go. My only issue with her is her appearance. She doesn’t present herself well. She will show up to meetings looking like she just rolled out of bed, and this is not a good look on me or my business. How do I tell her that I need her to come to work looking professional and well-kept without hurting her feelings? I could see this easily coming across as rude, and that is the last thing that I want. -- Look Presentable

DEAR LOOK PRESENTABLE: Sit your employee down and praise her for all that she is doing well. Be specific so she knows what you value. Then tell her that there is one area where she needs improvement: her physical presentation. Talk to her about the concept of professional dress and the importance of it at the office. Be careful to let her know that you are not trying to change her. Instead, you want her to step up and craft a professional persona for the workplace that will showcase her skills and abilities in a way that harmonizes with a business setting.

You may want to create or amend an employee handbook and have a section on professional presentation. People make assumptions that there is a shared understanding of what “professional” means. Clearly, that is not always true. Tell your employee that your intention is to empower her to be even more successful at your company and in her career. Your professional development suggestions will help her reach that goal.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I just got together with an old friend. As we were talking, I complained about the quality of my marriage -- not terribly, but I was honest about what things are like these days. She reminded me that I had said something almost identical to her more than 20 years ago. That was chilling. Before I had my child, I was upset about my relationship. Now that my son is going to college, I have to look more closely at what’s left, and I see I have the same thing -- an unsatisfying situation. I’ve been thinking about this a lot -- about what I’m going to do. Then I think about other friends who are single and wishing they could have somebody to spend time with. I feel like I should try harder to make my marriage work, but I can’t do it by myself. What can I do before I give up entirely? -- The End or the Beginning

DEAR THE END OR THE BEGINNING: You have to talk honestly with your husband. Rather than criticizing what isn’t working, talk to him about the opportunities before you as empty nesters. What do you want for your life now? Ideally, what activities would you like to do with your husband? Think about it and be prepared to share your ideas with him very clearly and positively. Resist the temptation to go down a laundry list of all the things he does wrong and how mad or disappointed you are. That will not get you to a positive outcome.

Focus on the potential for the future. Give him examples of what would make you happy, and ask him what he would like. Do your best to stir up excitement about the future, and see where that leads you. It surely is worth it to make the effort with the partner you have before deciding to start over. Pay attention and see if you two are able to spark new interest in each other.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My girlfriends have come up with a fun idea for the summer. They want all of us to join the local pool and go there for fitness several days a week as well as just to hang out in the sun. It gets hot in my town, so I love the idea of being outside and being by the pool, but I’m terrified of the water. I can’t swim. Plus, I’m out of shape. I don’t want to put on a bathing suit and have people judge me based on how I look. I’m thinking of passing on this fun idea because I’m just too self-conscious. Do you think I’m being foolish? -- By the Pool

DEAR BY THE POOL: Chances are, your group of friends includes somebody other than you who is not fit. I doubt seriously that they came up with this idea with the intention of making anyone feel uncomfortable. Don’t get stuck on your insecurities. Come up with solutions that can make this fun for you and them.

Start by finding out if you can get swimming lessons at the pool. It would be great for you to get the basics in. You will feel safer and more productive. Use floatation devices so that when you get in the water you will be safe. Invest in an attractive cover-up that you can wear over your bathing suit that will provide you with a bit more modesty but won’t be too hot.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently put myself out there and started dating again. I have been a single mom for most of my son’s life. He is now a junior in college, so I thought it was time. I have used a reputable dating app. Already I have met two interesting guys, but it hasn’t turned out very well. In each case, the guy acted like he was head over heels in love with me almost instantly. Wooing me, wining and dining, being the perfect gentleman -- all the things that I value -- and then crickets. It seems like everything just went too fast. I don’t really know how to date anymore. It has been so long. I don’t want to give up, though. What else do I need to do to be willing to put myself out there but also protect myself? -- Dating Again

DEAR DATING AGAIN: Slow down. Chances are, the advice you have given your son about getting involved in a relationship is what you should follow yourself. Take the time to get to know whoever you go out with. Even if the person is completely enamored with you, take it slow. Make it clear what you want, and find out what he wants. Be specific. Sometimes people just want to have a little fun. Other times, the desire may be for a long-term relationship. Figure out what you want, and put that on the table from the start. Don’t let your guard down completely in the beginning. Give it time. Your date has to earn your trust. It’s great for him to be excited by you, but if you are looking for the long game, stay calm and pay attention. Just don't give up.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I went on a work retreat for my new job. One of the bonding exercises was to go hiking. I am way overweight and inactive. I don’t walk, run or anything else, but I got into it and made the commitment to get fit. I’ve been walking a little bit every day since we got home. Everything was going well, but then I woke up one day feeling like crap. My legs hurt so bad. My energy is gone. I’m worried and mad. I thought this was going to be my time to turn my life around, but now I’m stuck in bed and in pain. Is it too late for me? I feel like I’m letting myself and my colleagues down. Everybody was cheering for me. -- Two Steps Back

DEAR TWO STEPS BACK: Make an appointment to see your internist. It’s time for you to get a complete physical along with an examination of your legs to make sure that your body is stable. It could be as simple as the fact that you used muscles that have been ignored for years, and they are reacting as they “wake up.” It could be that a medical challenge is revealing itself. Find out what’s going on in your body with your doctor’s help. Then discuss a healthy fitness routine that you can incorporate into your life right now that will help get you to your fitness goal. Consider this a minor setback. You have started your journey toward a healthier body. You can do this.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)