DEAR HARRIETTE: I just got together with an old friend. As we were talking, I complained about the quality of my marriage -- not terribly, but I was honest about what things are like these days. She reminded me that I had said something almost identical to her more than 20 years ago. That was chilling. Before I had my child, I was upset about my relationship. Now that my son is going to college, I have to look more closely at what’s left, and I see I have the same thing -- an unsatisfying situation. I’ve been thinking about this a lot -- about what I’m going to do. Then I think about other friends who are single and wishing they could have somebody to spend time with. I feel like I should try harder to make my marriage work, but I can’t do it by myself. What can I do before I give up entirely? -- The End or the Beginning

DEAR THE END OR THE BEGINNING: You have to talk honestly with your husband. Rather than criticizing what isn’t working, talk to him about the opportunities before you as empty nesters. What do you want for your life now? Ideally, what activities would you like to do with your husband? Think about it and be prepared to share your ideas with him very clearly and positively. Resist the temptation to go down a laundry list of all the things he does wrong and how mad or disappointed you are. That will not get you to a positive outcome.

Focus on the potential for the future. Give him examples of what would make you happy, and ask him what he would like. Do your best to stir up excitement about the future, and see where that leads you. It surely is worth it to make the effort with the partner you have before deciding to start over. Pay attention and see if you two are able to spark new interest in each other.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My girlfriends have come up with a fun idea for the summer. They want all of us to join the local pool and go there for fitness several days a week as well as just to hang out in the sun. It gets hot in my town, so I love the idea of being outside and being by the pool, but I’m terrified of the water. I can’t swim. Plus, I’m out of shape. I don’t want to put on a bathing suit and have people judge me based on how I look. I’m thinking of passing on this fun idea because I’m just too self-conscious. Do you think I’m being foolish? -- By the Pool

DEAR BY THE POOL: Chances are, your group of friends includes somebody other than you who is not fit. I doubt seriously that they came up with this idea with the intention of making anyone feel uncomfortable. Don’t get stuck on your insecurities. Come up with solutions that can make this fun for you and them.

Start by finding out if you can get swimming lessons at the pool. It would be great for you to get the basics in. You will feel safer and more productive. Use floatation devices so that when you get in the water you will be safe. Invest in an attractive cover-up that you can wear over your bathing suit that will provide you with a bit more modesty but won’t be too hot.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently put myself out there and started dating again. I have been a single mom for most of my son’s life. He is now a junior in college, so I thought it was time. I have used a reputable dating app. Already I have met two interesting guys, but it hasn’t turned out very well. In each case, the guy acted like he was head over heels in love with me almost instantly. Wooing me, wining and dining, being the perfect gentleman -- all the things that I value -- and then crickets. It seems like everything just went too fast. I don’t really know how to date anymore. It has been so long. I don’t want to give up, though. What else do I need to do to be willing to put myself out there but also protect myself? -- Dating Again

DEAR DATING AGAIN: Slow down. Chances are, the advice you have given your son about getting involved in a relationship is what you should follow yourself. Take the time to get to know whoever you go out with. Even if the person is completely enamored with you, take it slow. Make it clear what you want, and find out what he wants. Be specific. Sometimes people just want to have a little fun. Other times, the desire may be for a long-term relationship. Figure out what you want, and put that on the table from the start. Don’t let your guard down completely in the beginning. Give it time. Your date has to earn your trust. It’s great for him to be excited by you, but if you are looking for the long game, stay calm and pay attention. Just don't give up.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I went on a work retreat for my new job. One of the bonding exercises was to go hiking. I am way overweight and inactive. I don’t walk, run or anything else, but I got into it and made the commitment to get fit. I’ve been walking a little bit every day since we got home. Everything was going well, but then I woke up one day feeling like crap. My legs hurt so bad. My energy is gone. I’m worried and mad. I thought this was going to be my time to turn my life around, but now I’m stuck in bed and in pain. Is it too late for me? I feel like I’m letting myself and my colleagues down. Everybody was cheering for me. -- Two Steps Back

DEAR TWO STEPS BACK: Make an appointment to see your internist. It’s time for you to get a complete physical along with an examination of your legs to make sure that your body is stable. It could be as simple as the fact that you used muscles that have been ignored for years, and they are reacting as they “wake up.” It could be that a medical challenge is revealing itself. Find out what’s going on in your body with your doctor’s help. Then discuss a healthy fitness routine that you can incorporate into your life right now that will help get you to your fitness goal. Consider this a minor setback. You have started your journey toward a healthier body. You can do this.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: A man that I met on a dating app is much shorter than he let on in his dating profile. I feel that it isn't right that he wasn’t honest about his true height. We ended up hitting it off very well, but it still bothers me that he lied to me during the chatting process. Is it rude of me to mention this? -- Deceptive Date

DEAR DECEPTIVE DATE: Do not ask this man about his exaggeration on the dating site. Most people beef up some things when they are presenting themselves to others. We all want to be accepted, and often there is something about ourselves that makes us feel that we may be rejected. His issue is his height.

If you still like him now that you have learned he is shorter than he said, let it be. It may come up at some point, but don’t rub it in his face now. The good news is that you do like him.

A woman I know who put a very old photo of herself up on a dating site got her feelings hurt doing that. She is at least 50 pounds heavier than she was in the photo she used. She and a man she had grown to like over prolonged phone conversations planned to meet in a public area. She saw him approaching her from a distance. As he grew near to the meeting point, she saw him look at her and keep moving. They never spoke again. So there is risk in lying about yourself, especially your appearance. For now, anyway, it seems that you and this man have a chance to learn whether or not you are compatible. Don’t let his lie about height kill the potential dream before it manifests. Watch and see.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I just joined a startup where most of the staff members are about half my age or younger. Of course, I am there because of my expertise. The owners seem to like me a lot, but I feel a bit uncomfortable. The other employees could easily be my children. So far, none of them is senior to me in duties, but I know that’s only a matter of time. How can I stay relevant when I’m surrounded by a group of smart, know-it-all young people -- even when they don’t know what I do? -- Aged Out

DEAR AGED OUT: It sounds like your insecurities are unfounded, at least right now. A healthy work environment often represents multiple generations of employees, where each person has something unique to bring to the company. For a startup to have the vision to understand that you are as important as the native digital employee is smart.

I recommend that you change your attitude about yourself. Embrace all that you know, who you are and what you bring to your job. Hone your ability to share your knowledge in a natural, noncompetitive way. Work collaboratively, recognizing that your younger colleagues have knowledge and capabilities that you may not have. You can actually learn from each other. An organization that I work with, Encore.org, specializes in encouraging what they call “co-generational” engagement. You should check it out.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)