DEAR HARRIETTE: I've started working in nightlife, and it makes perfect sense for my schedule. I’m a full-time student during the week, and I rack up a lot of tips on the weekend by working the bar at a popular nightclub. I need to have a job to help pay for my expenses. But it’s a little tricky. When my parents ask me what I’m doing to make money, I tell them that I am a waitress. It is hard for me to be honest with them. As much as I hate to admit it, I would like them to approve of what I do. I don’t see them approving of this. Should I tell them about my nightclub job? -- Side Hustle

DEAR SIDE HUSTLE: First, let me ask: What aren’t you saying? What does “working the bar” mean? What exactly do you think will embarrass your parents? I can imagine they may not prefer you to work at a nightclub, but they also may understand if you explain it to them. Yet I suspect there is more to the story than you have revealed. Is it a strip club? What do you have to wear? Do? More, do you feel that you are compromising your integrity to be and work there?

If you do not feel like you are compromising your integrity, you can tell them, even if you think they may not love the idea. If you share the context for your job, at least it will help them to understand.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I don’t find the jokes that my husband makes about our children to be funny. My husband jokes about needing to get away from our kids all the time. I have overheard him “joking” about how fun his life would be if he weren’t a dad. I know that he loves our kids. He is a great father to our young children, but his jokes aren't very funny to me. I fear that part of him really does regret having children. Should I confront him about these “jokes”? -- Hurtful Jokes

DEAR HURTFUL JOKES: You absolutely should talk to your husband about this -- primarily for the children. If they overhear him saying this, which they surely will, they may grow to believe that he is serious. By the way, what people say usually is a reflection of what they believe, even when they are joking. So you are right. Something deep inside your husband is uncomfortable about his role as a father. It could be the responsibility of being in that role, the cost of caring for children, the changed dynamics of your relationship with him or something else. Ask him what he’s really feeling. Attempt to get him to talk to you about his concerns. By bringing them to the surface in a serious conversation, you may be able to get to the root of his issues and work together to address them.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: Not long ago, I ended things with a person I had been in a relationship with for five years. Without a doubt the hardest part of the breakup has been having to re-explain it to all those who knew us as a couple. I am wishing that everybody would mind their business and just assume that I don't want to discuss the details any longer. It is hard reliving something that was so painful for me. My relationship was very public and I understand the curiosity, but I don’t want to keep talking about it. How do I handle the questions about my breakup? -- Tired of Explaining

DEAR TIRED OF EXPLAINING: Guess what? You can stop explaining now. While people may be curious about what happened, it is none of their business. You can kindly yet firmly say that it is true that you two broke up. You are single now. You wish your ex well, but the last thing you want to do is talk about it. The end.

This even goes for people who were close to the two of you. You can tell them that you are not in the head space right now to talk about the demise of your relationship. Have empathy. Assure them that you know they are puzzled and potentially hurting, too. But you are not ready to talk about it. You can set boundaries, even when it is uncomfortable for other people. Just do not go into the details if you don't want to. Period.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have one child, and he is about to go to college in the fall. My husband and I are not in a good place, and I worry what will happen when my son goes away. I am so tired of fighting all the time about nothing. But whatever the reason, we are endlessly bickering, and I just can’t take it. I have told myself that I just need to wait until my son is gone to deal with my husband, but I don’t know if I can keep squashing it all anymore. I’m at my wits’ end. Every time I try to talk to my husband about it, the argument gets even more intense. What can I do? -- On the Edge

DEAR ON THE EDGE: Get yourself a therapist -- NOW. Do not wait. Do not feel that you have to go it alone for the next few months. It sounds like you need support right this minute. A therapist can help you engage coping skills to manage during this volatile time.

Not addressing it is not making your son’s transition out of your home any easier, by the way. He can see and feel tension. You don’t necessarily need to start divorce proceedings tomorrow morning per se, but you can get yourself help and invite your husband to join you. Sometimes getting perspective from a professional can help you to address your issues and potentially resolve them. Go for it. Get the help you need.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband is a Gemini, and boy does he act like one. He treats me so nicely when we are in public. But the moment we get home or out of earshot of other people, he is mean and nasty. It’s kind of shocking how he behaves.

We just went to an event, and he was so sweet and kind to me and everyone else. I thought to myself how lovely our evening was. Then, when we were at home, he was watching TV, and he mentioned something to me about what he was watching. When I asked him to clarify what he meant, he yelled at me that he had already answered in the most venomous tone ever. At first I was taken aback. Then I realized there was no audience. He could go back to being his secretly mean self. I can’t stand it. Whenever I point it out, he dismisses it, saying I am too sensitive. I don’t want to live like this. -- Two-Faced

DEAR TWO-FACED: Do you call your husband out on his behavior when he treats you meanly? Do you stand up for yourself? Even though that may be hard to do, if you do not challenge him, he may not even realize that he is doing it. So speak up and ask him why he is talking to you in that tone. Tell him that it hurts your feelings when he is mean to you. Point out how he acts in public versus in private. Tell him how you want to be treated. Ask him if he is willing to attempt to be more thoughtful and kind to you.

If the answer is yes, help him to notice the times that he is harsh and disrespectful so he can learn to mend his ways. If he is unwilling to consider altering the ways that he interacts with you, you will have to make a tough decision. Is it worth it for you to stay in an emotionally abusive relationship?

Healthline.com lists these as some signs of an abusive relationship to look out for: name-calling and derogatory nicknames, character assassination, yelling, patronizing, public embarrassment, dismissiveness, joking, belittling your personal appearance, putting down your interests and pushing your buttons. If your husband is doing any of these, what’s your next step?

DEAR HARRIETTE: I'm passionate about the company that I work for. Unfortunately, since 2020, I cannot deny the fact that the company has been struggling. I was offered a promotion recently. Before accepting the promotion, a friend of mine schooled me about the term “glass cliff” (a situation in which women are promoted to higher positions during times of crisis or duress, or during a recession when the chance of failure is more likely). It dawned on me that I was offered a promotion at my company's lowest point. Should I take the promotion, or would it be safe to decline and not fall victim to another glass cliff situation? -- Promoted During Crisis

DEAR PROMOTED DURING CRISIS: Not accepting the promotion does not put you in a position of greater job security. It may, instead, tell your team that you are unwilling to do all that you can to help save the company.

You are in an awkward situation. To make the best of it, be as communicative as possible with your team leader. Get clarity on the objectives of the new position. What will be expected of you? How will success be measured? Map out a plan with your boss for how you and your team can win with you stepping into this role. Point out the volatility in the market and the precarious state of the company. Find out who will share responsibility with you for success.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)