DEAR HARRIETTE: My daughter and I have just completed the college application process, and we are emotionally and physically exhausted. She is an excellent student and a hard worker. She applied to a ton of colleges, and while she got in to a number of them, none was her favorite. She picked a great college to attend, but I can’t help but be disappointed that she was rejected from so many. I have listened to other parents share their woes about this process, but right now it still stings.

I learned that there were record numbers of applicants this year due to two years of COVID-19 restrictions. The numbers made it hard for kids to be noticed when so many students were applying -- especially to the top schools. Still, that doesn’t make me feel better. I need to get over this. My daughter is happy with her choice. What’s wrong with me? -- College Bound

DEAR COLLEGE BOUND: You are still in the college process. Until your daughter is settled at her school, it will probably feel a bit uncomfortable. Apart from where she goes, there is the fact that she is leaving your home -- and you. No matter how strong you are, that’s a huge emotional shift for you. Allow yourself to face that.

Regarding where she was accepted and where she is going, do your best to be OK with it. She needs your full support -- without doubts or regrets. It is perfectly understandable that you would be disappointed that she didn’t get selected by her favorites. But it will be OK. She will get a good education and begin to make her way in the world. Part of life is the cycle of acceptance and rejection. Yes, it is hard to handle rejection, but we all must learn to do so with grace. Lick your wounds privately. Talk to confidantes quietly. And be that example of groundedness. She needs that. You both do.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I come from a family of high achievers -- only I’m not one of them. I stepped off the corporate ladder years ago. I am successful in my own way, but I live modestly. I feel like whenever I am around my family, they make excuses for how I live and what I do. It’s like they are embarrassed of me. How can I assure them that I am OK and do not need their pity? I like my life. -- Content

DEAR CONTENT: Invite them in to your world. Break bread with them in your space. Allow them to glimpse your life and how you live it. Then, at least they will have experienced a slice of your life so they can see your ease and your joy.

Next time they make comments or excuses about your choices, pipe up and assure them that you are happy. Then leave it alone. This is their problem. They are seeing you through their lens of achievement. You may not be able to get them to see your world in the way that you do. You may have to just tune them out when they begin their commentary.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I went years without speaking to someone who told a cruel lie about me. That lie affected my friendships and even my family. It was so bad and so hurtful that part of me never recovered. It was hard to believe that someone I cared a lot about would intentionally lie about me to a host of other people. They recently reached out to me to apologize privately for the lie that they told. The disrespect was public, so I think the apology should be public, too. In order for me to move forward, I want a detailed public retraction of the lie. Is this a reasonable request? -- Public Apology

DEAR PUBLIC APOLOGY: Start by meeting with this person and listening to what they have to say. Find out why they chose to say those hurtful, untrue things in the first place. Explain the repercussions of their lie and how negatively it impacted your life. Thank the person for coming to you now with this apology. Then, make it clear that the private acknowledgment is not enough. Ask for the person to state the apology in detail in a public forum. Today that could be social media, a traditional news outlet or a community organization. Make it clear what you want, and try to get this person to agree.

If you are worried about how forthcoming the person ultimately will be, bring a witness with you to the in-person meeting. You can also state that you want to record the meeting before it begins, but remember that in some states it is illegal to record a phone conversation without consent.

DEAR HARRIETTE: A friend of mine is going through a hard time. Her world has basically fallen apart. She is in the middle of a bad breakup and is having a lot of family issues. She moved recently, and it seems like everybody is bickering. I loaned her money back in early March. Although she is having a hard time, I am not rich, and I need the money back ASAP. I don’t want to be insensitive. How should I go about asking for my money back? -- Pay Me Back

DEAR PAY ME BACK: The problem with loans to friends is that you almost never get the money back on time, if at all. That’s why many people recommend loaning only what you can afford to give away. Of course you deserve your money back. If you established a deadline for payment and you have either reached or passed it, you have the right to request your money now. You can do so with caution and compassion, but you also need to be realistic. If your friend is in the throes of a tumultuous breakup, she may not have the bandwidth to even think about her responsibility to you. That doesn’t make it right, but it may make it real. You can express to her how desperately you need to be repaid so that you can handle your business -- even if it’s a payment plan. Good luck.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am always the plus-one for a couple of my friends. As the single member of my friend group, they typically call on me at the last minute to go with them to various activities. I do my best to be available, and usually it’s fun. My issue is that when I invite them to join me for something -- even when it isn’t last-minute -- they hardly ever say yes. Either they have a date, or they are tired because they have had a busy week or some other reason. I’m often tired, too, but I make the effort to have their backs and muster up energy whenever possible. I’m beginning to see how one-sided this is, and I don’t appreciate it. What can I do to get them to see how unfairly they are treating me? -- No More Excuses

DEAR NO MORE EXCUSES: Stop saying yes all the time. Tell your friends that you do not like the balance of give-and-take in your friendship. You feel like you are the only reliable one, and this hurts your feelings. Point out that you almost always accommodate your friends when they ask you to do something with them, and rarely do they do the same for you. Ask them how they think they would feel if you almost always said no when they ask you to be their plus-one. If they balk and say they thought you loved being spontaneous, remind them that you love them and want to spend time with them and support them. Of course the activities are often fun, but being in their company is the main driver. That’s also what you want when you extend an invitation to them.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m a small business owner, so I work very closely with the few employees that I have. I had one particular employee who had been loyal and trusted for years, but she took a job offer and left us completely high and dry. She even lost some major files that we are still struggling to do without in her absence. She is now asking for a letter of recommendation in case she ever needs it. Should I give it to her? -- Bad Ending

DEAR BAD ENDING: Instead of automatically giving your former employee a letter of recommendation, ask her for her assistance. Point out how difficult it has been for you since she lost those files. Ask her to search again to see if she can find them or help piece together the data that is missing. Stay calm and positive as you request her help.

See if she can come in to talk to you in person. Find out what’s going on in her life and why she needs a letter of recommendation now. Are things rocky at her job? What exactly is going on? Also, share with her how challenging things have been due to the way that she left. Express how disappointed you are with how she departed. Invite her to help smooth things out at your company. Tell her you do not feel comfortable making a recommendation until you see her step up to fix the discomfort she created.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)