DEAR HARRIETTE: I went years without speaking to someone who told a cruel lie about me. That lie affected my friendships and even my family. It was so bad and so hurtful that part of me never recovered. It was hard to believe that someone I cared a lot about would intentionally lie about me to a host of other people. They recently reached out to me to apologize privately for the lie that they told. The disrespect was public, so I think the apology should be public, too. In order for me to move forward, I want a detailed public retraction of the lie. Is this a reasonable request? -- Public Apology

DEAR PUBLIC APOLOGY: Start by meeting with this person and listening to what they have to say. Find out why they chose to say those hurtful, untrue things in the first place. Explain the repercussions of their lie and how negatively it impacted your life. Thank the person for coming to you now with this apology. Then, make it clear that the private acknowledgment is not enough. Ask for the person to state the apology in detail in a public forum. Today that could be social media, a traditional news outlet or a community organization. Make it clear what you want, and try to get this person to agree.

If you are worried about how forthcoming the person ultimately will be, bring a witness with you to the in-person meeting. You can also state that you want to record the meeting before it begins, but remember that in some states it is illegal to record a phone conversation without consent.

DEAR HARRIETTE: A friend of mine is going through a hard time. Her world has basically fallen apart. She is in the middle of a bad breakup and is having a lot of family issues. She moved recently, and it seems like everybody is bickering. I loaned her money back in early March. Although she is having a hard time, I am not rich, and I need the money back ASAP. I don’t want to be insensitive. How should I go about asking for my money back? -- Pay Me Back

DEAR PAY ME BACK: The problem with loans to friends is that you almost never get the money back on time, if at all. That’s why many people recommend loaning only what you can afford to give away. Of course you deserve your money back. If you established a deadline for payment and you have either reached or passed it, you have the right to request your money now. You can do so with caution and compassion, but you also need to be realistic. If your friend is in the throes of a tumultuous breakup, she may not have the bandwidth to even think about her responsibility to you. That doesn’t make it right, but it may make it real. You can express to her how desperately you need to be repaid so that you can handle your business -- even if it’s a payment plan. Good luck.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am always the plus-one for a couple of my friends. As the single member of my friend group, they typically call on me at the last minute to go with them to various activities. I do my best to be available, and usually it’s fun. My issue is that when I invite them to join me for something -- even when it isn’t last-minute -- they hardly ever say yes. Either they have a date, or they are tired because they have had a busy week or some other reason. I’m often tired, too, but I make the effort to have their backs and muster up energy whenever possible. I’m beginning to see how one-sided this is, and I don’t appreciate it. What can I do to get them to see how unfairly they are treating me? -- No More Excuses

DEAR NO MORE EXCUSES: Stop saying yes all the time. Tell your friends that you do not like the balance of give-and-take in your friendship. You feel like you are the only reliable one, and this hurts your feelings. Point out that you almost always accommodate your friends when they ask you to do something with them, and rarely do they do the same for you. Ask them how they think they would feel if you almost always said no when they ask you to be their plus-one. If they balk and say they thought you loved being spontaneous, remind them that you love them and want to spend time with them and support them. Of course the activities are often fun, but being in their company is the main driver. That’s also what you want when you extend an invitation to them.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m a small business owner, so I work very closely with the few employees that I have. I had one particular employee who had been loyal and trusted for years, but she took a job offer and left us completely high and dry. She even lost some major files that we are still struggling to do without in her absence. She is now asking for a letter of recommendation in case she ever needs it. Should I give it to her? -- Bad Ending

DEAR BAD ENDING: Instead of automatically giving your former employee a letter of recommendation, ask her for her assistance. Point out how difficult it has been for you since she lost those files. Ask her to search again to see if she can find them or help piece together the data that is missing. Stay calm and positive as you request her help.

See if she can come in to talk to you in person. Find out what’s going on in her life and why she needs a letter of recommendation now. Are things rocky at her job? What exactly is going on? Also, share with her how challenging things have been due to the way that she left. Express how disappointed you are with how she departed. Invite her to help smooth things out at your company. Tell her you do not feel comfortable making a recommendation until you see her step up to fix the discomfort she created.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: Somebody gave my daughter a black eye while she was away at college, and she didn’t tell me. I had to find out from a friend. I am furious and have a million questions, but my daughter refuses to tell me who gave her a black eye. I don’t know who she is trying to protect. She does not have a boyfriend, and she isn’t normally a fighter, so there are no real suspects that I can point a finger at. I’m so angry and so sad. What can I do? Should I fly to her college town and look for answers? -- Black Eye

DEAR BLACK EYE: Sounds like your daughter didn’t tell you about the black eye because she feared the very reaction that you are having right now. While it is horrible that someone assaulted her, she is a young adult now and has the right to deal with her issues in her own way. Of course, you want to protect her and avenge this violation, but it is not your responsibility to do so unless she asks you to.

Back off. Do your best to be a sounding board and a comfort to your daughter. Clearly, she is trying to process what happened to her on her own. You cannot force her to tell you anything, so stop trying. Instead, let her know that you want to support her in any way she needs. Tell her you are sorry for being so pushy about the black eye. Let her know you will stop asking. That may help her to relax. Eventually she may confide in you.

DEAR HARRIETTE: The company I work for is doing absolutely everything they can to keep me happy. I’ve been with them for a while, but I really don’t enjoy my job. They pay me well, and that’s pretty much the only reason I’ve stayed this long. I told my boss I am thinking about leaving to explore my options, and he offered me a significant pay increase, more time off and a bigger office. Would it be stupid to leave now? -- Ready To Leave

DEAR READY TO LEAVE: Out of respect for your boss, be honest. Thank him for the pay increase and other bonuses. Let him know that you will stay for at least a particular amount of time that you feel comfortable agreeing to, and make your plan for your future. Figure out what you really want to do. Actively look for a job in that field. Do not give up on your dreams, but be appreciative of how much your boss values you. It is rewarding to know that your company values you enough to shower you with incentives to stay. Your job is to handle this eventual departure with grace so that you remain in good standing whenever the day comes that you leave.

The mistake that some people make when in this position is to take everything that is thrown at them and never share a vision of their future with the company. Then when they leave, it comes as a shock to their boss and often appears to be an insult. Be strategic and honest. Let your boss know how much you appreciate the support and faith in you. Promise to do your best as long as you stay there. Give plenty of notice when you do get another job and, to the best of your ability, try to help them find your replacement. Your boss will appreciate that the most.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)