DEAR HARRIETTE: I am dating a man who regularly gets his fingernails painted and has a lot of facial piercings. I didn’t care for the piercings much when we first met, but as we grew closer, I realized that they were a form of self-expression, and now I really admire them. He will soon meet my family for the first time, and we’ve already started bickering about his piercings and nail polish. I don’t want them to judge him or say something hurtful to him. I asked that he simply remove the piercings and nail polish before meeting my family, and he won’t do it. He says that they should accept him for who he is, regardless of his appearance. I’m hurt that he wouldn’t honor my request to make me feel comfortable. Is he wrong for refusing to remove them, or am I wrong for asking him to change? -- Piercings

DEAR PIERCINGS: I can understand why he does not want to change and why he is pushing back. You had a choice when you met him as to whether you could accept him for who he is and the way he presents himself. Did you ever talk to him about your initial reaction to him, or how you previously felt about piercings and nail polish on men, for that matter? Is your reluctance to expose him as he is to your parents something you ever told him about before? If it is brand new, your boyfriend probably is feeling hurt.

You need to tell him about your family values, how you grew up, what your parents expect and your thoughts on how to bridge that divide. Since you really like him, you want your parents to accept him. If you believe that removing his piercings and polish will ease him into your family, say so. On the other hand, you may also want to prepare your parents by describing your boyfriend to them and letting them know that he presents differently from what they expect. You can ask them not to be too judgmental and to get to know him before passing judgment.

DEAR HARRIETTE: The regional manager at my job fired someone, and I’ve been picking up the slack while we find their replacement. It hasn’t been easy, but I was promised that the work increase would be only temporary. We still don’t even have any real candidates lined up, so there’s no telling when my workload will go back to normal. Even though this won’t be a permanent change, I am still doing much more work. Would it be fair to ask for a permanent raise for a temporary increase in work? -- Heavier Workload

DEAR HEAVIER WORKLOAD: You can ask for what is justifiable -- a raise based on what you are doing now. If your boss agrees, even if it is only temporary until they hire someone else, you will be able to receive fair compensation for the work you are doing.

Your approach should be from a team perspective. Point out that when you were asked to pitch in and handle your former co-worker’s workload, you did so enthusiastically. Point out that it’s a lot of work over a prolonged period of time. Ask for a fair wage increase and see what your boss says. If they refuse, respectfully tell them that you would like to go back to your former duties.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My former best friend called me the other day and told me she needed to speak to me about something important. She hosts a popular podcast series and told me that her newest episode would be about our friendship and the reason we grew apart. She briefed me on what she said about me. (The show had already been recorded.) She said she wanted to give me a warning before it aired because she didn’t want me to be blindsided. I gave her my blessing.

I listened to the episode after it aired, and it was nothing like what she warned me it would be like. She made me out to be such a bad person. She didn’t mention my name, but it was so obviously about me. Should I tell her to take it down? Should I confront her? -- Take It Down

DEAR TAKE IT DOWN: Make this an opportunity to clear the air with this woman. Call her and tell her that you listened to the podcast, and you would like to get together and talk to her. Have a conversation with her about your friendship. Tell her that your recollection of what transpired between you is dramatically different from what she said about you. Describe your recollection of what occurred between you. Ask her if she remembers any of the details that you put forward.

Challenge the stories that you do not agree with that she shared in her podcast. Bring up specific stories and describe what you remember in comparison to what she said. Tell her that her portrayal of you does not seem accurate to you, and it makes you very uncomfortable. You can ask her to take it down. If you are up for it, you may want to suggest that the two of you talk about what happened on the podcast so that you can set the record straight.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My aunt has never paid any bills in her life. She has been with her husband since she was 18 years old and never had to work if she didn’t want to. Being a stay-at-home mother is all she’s ever known.

I recently expressed my desire to move out of my parents’ house the other day (I am 25), and she completely discouraged me from doing so. She told me I have no idea what it takes to be on my own and that I would be crazy to live in a major city without a roommate on my current salary. I didn’t find this conversation helpful. She is the only person in my family who completely discouraged me from moving out. Ironically, my aunt is also the only person in my family who has never paid any bills. Should I tell her that her advice is meaningless? -- Didn’t Ask

DEAR DIDN’T ASK: Rather than shooting the messenger, listen to her advice to see what you can learn from it. How much does it cost to rent an apartment where you live? Based on your current salary, what can you afford to pay? If she is right about that point, consider getting a roommate. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with that option. You could also look for a neighborhood that’s a bit farther away where the prices are lower.

The point here is to hear what your aunt had to say as you make your plans. Ultimately, you have to decide your next steps for yourself. Do not discount her counsel, though. Her life’s trajectory does not necessarily mean that her opinion is worthless. Everyone who offers advice has a perspective that you can consider as long as you remember that none of those people has the power to make you do anything.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I feel like nothing is going right in my life. I am busy with work, which is good, but it just feels like a treadmill. I get up, and it seems like the week whizzes by. I don’t do anything much for fun. My husband and I live in the same house but barely talk to each other. My life is boring and just ... nothing.

I listen to my co-workers talk about the fun things that they did on the weekend or after work. I do nothing. I’m beginning to think that my life isn’t worth it. Like, what am I working so hard for if I never to anything interesting? I think this is an unhealthy state of mind, but I don’t quite know what to do next. -- Unmotivated

DEAR UNMOTIVATED: The moment of awareness is when you can do something about it. Take stock of your interests. If you ever had hobbies, what were they? What did you do for fun? Can you resume one of those activities now? Especially if those interests could involve other people, go for it. For example, I used to crochet a lot. I would go to certain yarn shops and sit with others who knitted or crocheted for company. Those types of engagements are starting again. Look for like-minded gatherings.

Invite your husband out on a date. Break up the monotony of your household routine. Coax him out to do fun things with you that take you out of the house and out of your comfort zones with the goal of simply having fun.

You can also find a therapist to help you sort through your thoughts and feelings.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My son will be going off to college in the fall, and I’m feeling a wave of panic come over me. He is prepared -- that is not the problem. A good friend told me years ago when my son was born that the most important thing I could do for myself was to ensure that my marriage was tight after I had my child. I didn’t really do that. I poured everything into my child. Now that he is about to go, I have the mess of my marriage left to deal with.

Whenever my husband and I have had issues, I have tried to get us to address them, but he has refused therapy and generally blown me off when I have pointed out things that bother me. I’m tired of turning a blind eye to the things that tick me off, but I don’t want to have to put up with this stuff anymore. I don’t know that I want a divorce. I do know that I don't want what we have right now. What can I do? -- Turing Point

DEAR TURNING POINT: Find a therapist for yourself, and sort through your feelings and state of mind. What do you want for yourself now? What are you ready to do to manifest that? What can you do to inspire your husband to meet you where you want to be? What will you do if you cannot get him to do anything? Invite your husband to join you in therapy. He may surprise you this time.

Ultimately, you have to decide if you are willing to stay where you are or make other choices. Don’t stay in purgatory. Make a conscious choice for your life and then put everything into it.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)