DEAR HARRIETTE: It is way too expensive to visit my family, but they get deeply offended if I don't. I live in New York, and my family lives in Hawaii. They never offer to buy my ticket, but they insist that I come and stay with them once or twice a year. I simply can’t afford it. I have kids to travel with, limited time off and a demanding job. What should I do? -- Too Expensive
DEAR TOO EXPENSIVE: Evaluate how often you can afford to visit your family. You should include this in your budget. Establish a frequency that works for you. For example, maybe you can go every other year, and perhaps not everyone can make the trip. Figure out what you can do, and let your family know. Be clear. When they balk, counter with the truth: You cannot afford to visit annually, let alone more often than that. Outline what you can do, and stay firm.
Of course, the bottom line is that they miss you and want to spend time with you. Use technology to help with that. Suggest weekly video calls with your family so that you can see and talk to each other. Find ways to connect so that you can feel close even though you are far away. But do not stress yourself out by committing to spend more than you can afford.