DEAR HARRIETTE: My best friend is extremely upset that I’ve opted out of going to Miami for her birthday. We were set to go at the end of the month, but because of the new COVID variant, I decided to cancel my flight. We’ve had these plans for months, but I don’t want to get sick. My friend thinks that I’m using COVID as an excuse to flake on her. What should I do? -- Canceling Plans

DEAR CANCELING PLANS: COVID-19 has disrupted everyone’s life in one way or another. Like your friend, I believe we all thought we would have this disease and its side effects in the rearview mirror by now. Sadly, that is far from the truth. I spoke to a doctor who said that we are all going to have to figure out how to live with the disease, meaning we must take COVID-19 into account in every decision we make. This is an individual choice that should be rooted in the facts.

As of this printing, the state of Florida was facing an increase of more than 900% in COVID-19 outbreaks. Thousands of flights have been canceled, and there is no clear sense of when the numbers will drop significantly. This surely is a good reason to give you pause before jumping on a plane to go to Miami. I am not saying, “Don’t go.” I am saying, "Make smart choices for yourself and stick by them."

While you cannot predict what the numbers will be in a couple of weeks, you do know that the outbreak will still be pervasive. Talk to your best friend. Let her know how much you want to spend time with her around her birthday, but you have to make a decision based on your health and your research.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I bought a good friend of mine a very expensive bracelet a few years ago. Giving her the bracelet meant a lot to me because I knew how badly she wanted it. The other day I saw a picture of her sister wearing the exact same bracelet. My feelings are really hurt. How could she give away a gift that I bought specifically for her? I don’t even really know her sister. Should I confront my friend about this? -- Regifting

DEAR REGIFTING: I know how tough that must have been for you to see your gift on someone else’s wrist, even if it was your friend’s sister. However, you need to leave that alone. Gifts are not supposed to come with strings. You gave your friend the bracelet because she longed for it. Clearly, she valued it. Giving it to her sister or just letting her sister wear it (you don’t know the circumstances surrounding that photo) means that it is special to her. You know she loves her sister. Whatever the reason is that she passed it along -- temporarily or permanently -- once the gift left your fingers and transferred to your friend’s, you no longer had any right to it or possession of it. Do your best to accept that it is currently being enjoyed!

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am the nanny to two young children whom I absolutely love, but I don’t love their parents. I think that the parents can be neglectful. I don’t really like the way that they speak to me, their children or to others. The mother is especially rude. My attachment to the kids is what keeps me at the job. The job is enjoyable because I love spending time with them. I’m afraid I’m not doing what is right for me, but what is right for the kids. Is it time for me to go? How do I know when it’s time to move on? -- Love Being a Nanny

DEAR LOVE BEING A NANNY: Why do you think the mother is so rude? Can you figure out what’s going on with her? Is there a way for you to establish a better rapport with her? Try that before you walk away. For the good of the children, it would be healthy if you and the parents could have a more respectful relationship. Otherwise, the children will believe that the behavior that they witness is OK. In terms of neglect, tactfully remind the parents of the tasks that you think are important for them to fulfill. Get creative with this. Put sticky notes on the fridge or in the children’s rooms. See if you can encourage more attentiveness in a nonjudgmental way.

If nothing works and you continue to feel demeaned by the parents, it is time for you to plan your exit. Do nothing rash. If you are with an agency, let them know it is time to move on -- and why. If you are independent, put out your feelers at schools and in neighborhoods densely populated with families. Be mindful not to bad-mouth these people. Just say it is time for you to move on.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My friend “Sarah” accused our mutual friend's husband, “Ted,” of cheating back in 2019. Sarah alleged that her sister accidentally matched with Ted on a dating app. Ted's wife, “Anne,” didn’t believe Sarah or her sister. At the time, Anne gave me great reasons as to why she didn’t believe that Ted was cheating, so I believed her. I was on Anne’s side until recently. I found out new details about the dating app situation, and now I believe that Ted was 100% cheating. Should I tell her about this? It’s been years now, so maybe they’ve talked it out privately. I don’t want to create any issues. -- New Details

DEAR NEW DETAILS: Stay out of it. It was convoluted during the first go-round, and it will not be simpler now. Even when affairs are obvious, people often do not believe that they are real if they aren’t ready to face the truth. Hopefully, your friends have sorted through their issues -- those that precipitated the alleged affair in the first place. If not, pointing out the lie is not going to cause that to happen.

Don’t put yourself in the middle of a mess that you cannot control, properly address or resolve. No good will come of it. Instead, give them space to live their lives. If something comes down the pike that makes it obvious that new transgressions are currently in play, that’s when some of this can be revisited. It is not your place to take on these sins of the past.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My aunt -- my mom’s sister -- has had issues with my stepdad for quite some time now. Their issues are complex, and I’ve always tried to stay neutral on the situation. I had a long conversation with my stepdad the other day about their issues. After the talk, we both decided that it was time for all of us (my mother, my aunt and my stepdad) to sit down and talk about everything together. I didn’t say much; I let my stepdad do most of the talking. The conversation went sour, and my aunt ended up storming out of the room and saying that I had betrayed her by talking to my stepdad about the things she had told me in confidence.

My aunt has since blocked me on social media, has demanded I repay her every dime she’s spent on me in the past and no longer speaks to me. I can’t help but feel guilty about blabbing to my stepdad even though my aunt’s reaction was completely misdirected. Am I wrong for talking to my stepdad about her? Am I right to feel guilty? -- In the Middle

DEAR IN THE MIDDLE: You are in a mess, as you know. Nobody is in the right here. When you live in the middle of other people’s relationship drama, it rubs off on you. Yes, you were wrong to break your aunt’s confidence in talking to your stepdad, but, at the same time, it was bound to happen. The adults in this situation -- your mother, her husband and your aunt -- should have worked out their issues without pulling you into the loop. If only life worked that way.

You should apologize to your aunt for betraying her confidence, but that should be enough. Her extreme requirement that you pay her back for her past support sounds like a vindictive swipe that may pass in time. For now, just sit tight. Hopefully the storm will pass. The only way things will get better, though, is if the adults deal with their issues themselves.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My college roommate stole hundreds of dollars from me. His mother ended up returning it to me a few months later, but the damage had been done by the time I got my money back. He recently messaged me on Facebook asking that I publicly apologize for telling everyone that he stole from me since I received the money back. I don’t want to do that. The money back was returned by his mother, not by him. He never should have stolen from me in the first place. He says that he needs me to clear his name because my accusations have prevented him from getting jobs. What should I do? -- Still a Thief

DEAR STILL A THIEF: Why would your old roommate believe that your accusations are costing him jobs? Did you post about the theft? How would this be known publicly?

Regarding his mother, the fact that you were repaid is real. You should accept that. What more do you want? Did your roommate ever apologize to you for the theft? Do you know why he stole from you? What I’m getting at is, why are you still so upset? Something is unresolved between you two.

Go back in your mind and revisit what happened. What were the circumstances of the theft? What was going on in your life and your roommate’s? What will make you feel at peace about this situation? My gut says that you still need something from him before you will be willing to release him publicly from his sins.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)