DEAR HARRIETTE: I am the nanny to two young children whom I absolutely love, but I don’t love their parents. I think that the parents can be neglectful. I don’t really like the way that they speak to me, their children or to others. The mother is especially rude. My attachment to the kids is what keeps me at the job. The job is enjoyable because I love spending time with them. I’m afraid I’m not doing what is right for me, but what is right for the kids. Is it time for me to go? How do I know when it’s time to move on? -- Love Being a Nanny

DEAR LOVE BEING A NANNY: Why do you think the mother is so rude? Can you figure out what’s going on with her? Is there a way for you to establish a better rapport with her? Try that before you walk away. For the good of the children, it would be healthy if you and the parents could have a more respectful relationship. Otherwise, the children will believe that the behavior that they witness is OK. In terms of neglect, tactfully remind the parents of the tasks that you think are important for them to fulfill. Get creative with this. Put sticky notes on the fridge or in the children’s rooms. See if you can encourage more attentiveness in a nonjudgmental way.

If nothing works and you continue to feel demeaned by the parents, it is time for you to plan your exit. Do nothing rash. If you are with an agency, let them know it is time to move on -- and why. If you are independent, put out your feelers at schools and in neighborhoods densely populated with families. Be mindful not to bad-mouth these people. Just say it is time for you to move on.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My friend “Sarah” accused our mutual friend's husband, “Ted,” of cheating back in 2019. Sarah alleged that her sister accidentally matched with Ted on a dating app. Ted's wife, “Anne,” didn’t believe Sarah or her sister. At the time, Anne gave me great reasons as to why she didn’t believe that Ted was cheating, so I believed her. I was on Anne’s side until recently. I found out new details about the dating app situation, and now I believe that Ted was 100% cheating. Should I tell her about this? It’s been years now, so maybe they’ve talked it out privately. I don’t want to create any issues. -- New Details

DEAR NEW DETAILS: Stay out of it. It was convoluted during the first go-round, and it will not be simpler now. Even when affairs are obvious, people often do not believe that they are real if they aren’t ready to face the truth. Hopefully, your friends have sorted through their issues -- those that precipitated the alleged affair in the first place. If not, pointing out the lie is not going to cause that to happen.

Don’t put yourself in the middle of a mess that you cannot control, properly address or resolve. No good will come of it. Instead, give them space to live their lives. If something comes down the pike that makes it obvious that new transgressions are currently in play, that’s when some of this can be revisited. It is not your place to take on these sins of the past.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My aunt -- my mom’s sister -- has had issues with my stepdad for quite some time now. Their issues are complex, and I’ve always tried to stay neutral on the situation. I had a long conversation with my stepdad the other day about their issues. After the talk, we both decided that it was time for all of us (my mother, my aunt and my stepdad) to sit down and talk about everything together. I didn’t say much; I let my stepdad do most of the talking. The conversation went sour, and my aunt ended up storming out of the room and saying that I had betrayed her by talking to my stepdad about the things she had told me in confidence.

My aunt has since blocked me on social media, has demanded I repay her every dime she’s spent on me in the past and no longer speaks to me. I can’t help but feel guilty about blabbing to my stepdad even though my aunt’s reaction was completely misdirected. Am I wrong for talking to my stepdad about her? Am I right to feel guilty? -- In the Middle

DEAR IN THE MIDDLE: You are in a mess, as you know. Nobody is in the right here. When you live in the middle of other people’s relationship drama, it rubs off on you. Yes, you were wrong to break your aunt’s confidence in talking to your stepdad, but, at the same time, it was bound to happen. The adults in this situation -- your mother, her husband and your aunt -- should have worked out their issues without pulling you into the loop. If only life worked that way.

You should apologize to your aunt for betraying her confidence, but that should be enough. Her extreme requirement that you pay her back for her past support sounds like a vindictive swipe that may pass in time. For now, just sit tight. Hopefully the storm will pass. The only way things will get better, though, is if the adults deal with their issues themselves.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My college roommate stole hundreds of dollars from me. His mother ended up returning it to me a few months later, but the damage had been done by the time I got my money back. He recently messaged me on Facebook asking that I publicly apologize for telling everyone that he stole from me since I received the money back. I don’t want to do that. The money back was returned by his mother, not by him. He never should have stolen from me in the first place. He says that he needs me to clear his name because my accusations have prevented him from getting jobs. What should I do? -- Still a Thief

DEAR STILL A THIEF: Why would your old roommate believe that your accusations are costing him jobs? Did you post about the theft? How would this be known publicly?

Regarding his mother, the fact that you were repaid is real. You should accept that. What more do you want? Did your roommate ever apologize to you for the theft? Do you know why he stole from you? What I’m getting at is, why are you still so upset? Something is unresolved between you two.

Go back in your mind and revisit what happened. What were the circumstances of the theft? What was going on in your life and your roommate’s? What will make you feel at peace about this situation? My gut says that you still need something from him before you will be willing to release him publicly from his sins.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I don’t want to support my friend’s YouTube channel publicly because I don’t like their content. I have a lot of followers, and I only co-sign things that I absolutely love. Should I be completely honest with them about this? I don’t want to hurt my friend’s feelings, but I think their feelings are already hurt by my lack of public support for their channel anyway. -- Bad Content

DEAR BAD CONTENT: This is a great question and extremely challenging. On one hand, you can “play dumb” and say nothing, but as you point out, that doesn’t mean your friend will stop wondering why the dis. You can be honest as well. The question is, how much honesty is right for the moment? When you look at your friend’s channel, what bothers you about it? Is the quality of the content poor? Is it in poor taste? Is it amateurish? Is it salacious? What about the content bothers you -- specifically?

When you are crystal clear about what bothers you, you can decide what information is worth sharing with your friend. If your feelings are purely subjective, you can say as much: The content doesn’t appeal to you personally; therefore, you do not feel comfortable aligning with it. If your evaluation is that the content is somehow negative, be prepared to say what exactly falls into the negative realm.

Choose a time to talk to your friend that is private and safe. Tell them that you know that you have not publicly supported their YouTube channel, and out of respect for them, you wanted to say why. Apologize if your thoughts make them uncomfortable, then share highlights.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Is it strange to start traveling by myself? I’m single, I don’t have any children and I don’t plan on having children any time soon. My New Year’s resolution was to see the world this year, but I don’t have friends who are readily available to travel with me. I want to do it all alone. I’m self-employed, so I don’t really need to stay in one place. Is this a good idea? -- Lone Traveler

DEAR LONE TRAVELER: Good for you that you are not waiting on anyone to pursue your dreams. When one is passionate about something, getting buy-in from others is not always necessary. I’m a big believer in traveling. It helps to open your eyes and consider other people’s ways of being. I fully support your idea.

I also want to point out that traveling in the age of COVID-19 is no easy undertaking. You must do your research with even more vigilance and be prepared to pivot when needed. Just in the past few weeks, I have witnessed several friends have to shift their travel plans because of closed borders or canceled flights.

Beyond that, I will recommend what I learned from a solo traveler friend from my youth. This man always shared his travel itinerary with a couple of key friends. It included his flights, hotels, etc., just so that someone else knew his expected travel plans. This was before cellphones, but even in today’s times, I strongly suggest that at least one other person know where you are headed, and that you check in with them from time to time, so that someone is on the lookout in case of emergency. Bon voyage!

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)