DEAR HARRIETTE: I have two friends who were super-close for something like 40 years, but then they had a huge falling-out a few years ago. They have not spoken to each other since. Instead, they have occasionally spoken to other close friends about the situation. Two stubborn old men who are dug in about the issue that separated them does not bode well for those of us who are part of their mutual friend group. It almost feels like high school all over again even though these men are senior citizens. I, for one, am tired of thinking about it and, more, exhausted by the fact that our friend group is splintered. Is there anything I can do or say to help them mend the fence? -- Friends Again
DEAR FRIENDS AGAIN: Some rifts in relationships are permanent; others can be mended. And yes, sometimes people who are part of a friend group can nudge reconciliation along. It really depends on what happened and how egregious the violation of trust was between the two. You might ask each friend individually if the incident is truly worth severing the friendship forever. Ask them to contemplate that. Also ask if they have it in their hearts to forgive each other for whatever happened, for the good of the two of them -- and for the rest of the friend group. If they are unwilling to give that a try, tell them to stop including you in the ongoing negative banter about each other. Tell them that you are unwilling to talk about their friendship dynamics.