DEAR MISS MANNERS: I work on landscaping and grounds maintenance projects. On many occasions, I have encountered hidden house keys -- under the mat, beneath a flowerpot and so forth.

Should I mention my discoveries to the owners? It seems awkward to say, "I know where your keys are hidden."

GENTLE READER: The only reason Miss Manners can think of for mentioning it is if there is a problem with returning it to its original location -- for example, if the flowerpot is now broken and the key is lying exposed on the front porch, or if the owner just had you remove the flora that had served as a hiding spot.

She agrees that "I know where your keys are hidden" is not a good way to foster trust. Far better would be, "It worried me that this was in plain sight, and I wasn't sure what you would like done with it."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have been diagnosed with a common ailment, but my body does not respond to the standard treatment. I must be very careful about what and when I eat. I am under a doctor's care.

Close friends have been accommodating, but in less familiar social situations, I find my lack of indulgence brings a spate of unwanted medical advice -- this, after demurely mentioning the name of the condition when pressed. I'm offered the names of "better" doctors, pharmaceuticals that cured Aunt Gertrude, behavioral advice (apparently I need to "get tough" with my doctor) and more.

What is a polite way to end this talk and turn the conversation to pleasanter topics?

GENTLE READER: Naming your medical condition, Miss Manners notes without satisfaction but also without surprise, made things worse. Stop supplying ammunition.

Instead, try for the following exchange when offered something you cannot eat.

"Would you like some?"

"Thank you, no."

"It's really good; you should try it."

"I'm sure it is, thank you, but no."

"You'll hurt my feelings if you don't have any."

"I certainly hope not -- you have been such an attentive host."

"Then you'll have some?"

"Thank you, no."

Eventually, the well will run dry.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What should an invitee do when an RSVP date is approaching and they are still not positive they can accept the invitation?

This has happened to me on occasion, due to unusual circumstances. Should I go ahead and decline, even though I would love to attend? Or perhaps call the host and explain the circumstances?

GENTLE READER: Please, oh please, oh please, do not call and explain the circumstances.

Your host has offered to entertain and/or feed you. Does it seem right to reciprocate by adding to their worries (not knowing how much food to buy or whether to invite another guest)?

The proper course of action is to decline politely. Once you have done that, Miss Manners raises no objection to a short explanation: "We would have loved to come to the party, but unfortunately we are still waiting for the hospital to schedule George's surgery." This leaves the decision about whether to replace you, or to extend the deadline, where it belongs: in the hands of the hosts.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Some good friends of ours, a husband and wife, have a painting of the wife in their living room. The painting is a nude from her much younger days.

It is not erotic, but it is very large and very explicit and detailed. She is looking at the viewer with a direct challenge.

When we visit, we are always taken to this room. I've asked to go to another room or to the garden, but my hostess says she loves to entertain in that room because of the sea view, which it does have.

It does not seem there is any polite way to avoid the giant nude, short of not visiting at all. Can you think of a way?

GENTLE READER: Many social situations require one to ignore the obvious; this is called tact. Miss Manners would have thought this was one of the less unpleasant of such situations, as you will be able to have a good snicker about it in the car on the way home.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My son is getting married, and I am wondering how to handle family photographs. I have several nieces and nephews who are living with significant others, and I am not sure if I should include the couples in the family photos.

Also, I do not like my dad's girlfriend of 20 years and I prefer not to have her in the photos. They do not live together. What would be appropriate?

GENTLE READER: It depends on your purpose in photographing the wedding.

If it is to commemorate an event that brought family and friends together for a happy celebration without simultaneously diminishing that happiness, then Miss Manners counsels against making guests feel unwanted. If it is to remind your father and his girlfriend that you do not like her ... but even then, surely there are other opportunities to do so.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I just received an invitation to a 70th birthday surprise party for one of my friends, sent by the honoree's daughter-in-law. The method she used was to send a text invitation to one of our mutual friends, who then forwarded it as a multiple-person text message. We are supposed to RSVP individually to the hostess.

I have never had such an impersonal invitation. The hostess didn't even bother to get all of the email addresses to send an evite. I will not be going; obviously, I don't rate a direct invitation.

I get that those younger than me live and die by text messages, but this seems a little extreme. Your thoughts?

GENTLE READER: Invitations to company picnics and neighborhood block parties may be posted on bulletin boards, whether cork or electronic. Most private parties, however, require an individual invitation, issued by someone with the authority to do so.

Guests can generally differentiate the two categories by whether the host is requesting a response. Hosts can do so by considering how they will feel when their cousin's girlfriend's houseguest rings the doorbell.

While Miss Manners agrees that the daughter-in-law made a poor choice, she would decline for the simple reason that she would not know if she would be welcomed.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a friend in my circle who is about three years my senior. We are both in our 60s, in great health, in long-term marriages and of the same socioeconomic status.

Nearly every time we get together, she takes the opportunity to comment on how "young" I am. For example, we'll be talking about an old TV show or song, and she'll comment, "But you wouldn't know anything about that." Or on my birthday, I'll hear, "You're just a baby."

While I try hard to take these comments as compliments, they aren't delivered that way, and they feel dismissive. Otherwise, I really enjoy spending time with her. To this point I've only casually replied that we're really not that far apart in age, but nothing has ever stopped the comments.

Am I just being too sensitive? I'm struggling to figure out how to approach her with this.

GENTLE READER: It is surely one of the silliest prejudices in modern society that growing older is considered so unfortunate a condition that it is supposed to be a compliment to pretend that it did not happen.

This notion is so commonplace that one such comment could be ignored, but Miss Manners understands that the repetition is annoying. As you are close enough friends to meet often, it might be worth saying, "You seem to think I'm embarrassed about my age or that I'm pretending to be younger."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I were invited to our good friend's wedding. Unfortunately, we had previous plans for a cruise on that date, so we graciously declined. We have since given the couple a very nice wedding gift, and have also been in contact with the wedding party and done a few favors for them as the ceremony approaches.

The week before the wedding, my husband had a mild stroke and was in the hospital for five days. He was discharged two days prior to our cruise departure. Obviously, we rescheduled.

The wedding couple has been notified as to the change in our plans. Should the couple reinvite us to the wedding ceremony and/or reception? Should they at least offer an apology for not being able to reinvite us due to budgetary constraints or the guest count for catering?

All they have done is to ask if we would let their dogs out during the event. Am I expecting more out of this friendship than is possible?

GENTLE READER: You are expecting people who are in the throes of giving a wedding, with all the complications that involves, to keep enough track of your husband's health to know that going out would not interfere with his recovery.

If they are very close friends, Miss Manners would think you could ask, "Do you still have room for us?" But she would expect you to be gracious if they do not -- and in any case, to let the dogs out.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)