DEAR MISS MANNERS: I met this guy almost three years ago. We dated for about seven weeks, then he broke it off. We stayed in touch for about a year, and then he asked me to come over for dinner, and we started seeing each other again. But then this past May, he broke it off because he thought that I did not think he was doing enough.
I was so upset that I put all of the cards he had given me, plus some special items, in a bag and dropped them off at his door. We started talking two weeks after that, and are now slowly getting back on track. But I want the cards back.
How and when do I get them back? I did ask him, and he replied, "I'm not sure. That might be a question for Miss Manners." He was definitely upset that I put all that on his doorstep.
GENTLE READER: As well he should have been. Returning letters and presents after a breakup is a way of saying that even the memory of the relationship is painful. At the same time, one might find it a relief to recover written evidence of a possibly defunct passion.
Is it really a viable relationship? Miss Manners has no idea, and suspects that neither of you do yet, either. Perhaps when you both feel that it is, he will either return the cards or write you something comparable.
But you should remember that he has a strong aversion to pressure from you that he is not doing enough. It would not be helpful to repeat that.