DEAR MISS MANNERS: I manage a department of about 15 professional and clerical workers. I am a direct resource for most, and I enjoy helping them find solutions. My office is a revolving door, with usually no more than 20 minutes between visits.

What is bothering me is a complete disdain for my food and beverages. I frequently drink coffee at my desk, and just this morning, an employee came in with a question. She managed to lean directly over my coffee and then rub her face, play with her hair, and talk animatedly enough to release spittle. I found myself sneaking back to the break room for a fresh cup after she left.

Another time, an employee coughed directly over my barely touched lunch salad. Sadly, I was then unable to consume it, which left me hungry and annoyed. This unintentional contamination occurs commonly enough that it is beginning to frustrate me.

I can close my door when I eat, but that reduces my availability and hampers workflow; also, it doesn't address the coffee. I can cover or tuck away my consumables when my door is darkened, and have done so, but this seems offensive.

Is there a better way to protect my food while not causing offense nor inconvenience?

GENTLE READER: Please step aside while Miss Manners rearranges the furniture in your office. Your food should not be within leaning distance of others.

There is such a thing as being too accessible. Aside from dribbling on your lunch, visitors may be reading your screen. Position your desk on the far wall, facing a window, if you have one. When employees enter, you should swirl around to face them, leaving your food safely behind you. If you don't have a window, do this anyway, hanging a nice picture above the desk -- or, better yet, a mirror so that you can see who is coming.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am the mother of the bride, and we have sent out "save the date" cards for a 150-person wedding. My daughter has now decided that she wants a more intimate wedding, with only family present. The wedding is seven months away.

How should we address the guests who were sent the "save the dates"?

GENTLE READER: You do know, Miss Manners hopes, that this is not a nice thing to do. She will help you, but it is not easy to tell people that you have decided you do not want them at the wedding after all.

Besides, if pictures of the wedding are posted, you won't have a friend left.

Can you persuade your daughter to elope? Then you could express surprise that the planned wedding was superfluous, and invite all those people to a party for the already married couple.

You will have to give that party anyway. As those asked to save the date may have made travel arrangements, it would be best to do it on that date, but after that intimate ceremony.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was invited to a friend's home for lunch with a group of other women. While we were all seated and enjoying the lovely lunch provided by our hostess, one of the women sitting by me began interrogating me about my health. She asked me very intrusive questions in a rude, loud, belligerent voice that could be heard throughout the house.

The other women at the table were all watching us and could hear the entire conversation. I am a very private person who doesn't like to make my health concerns public knowledge, and I am unhappy about having my privacy violated.

I have since thought that I should have stopped her by saying, "Is there some reason that you feel the need to know?" Or "If you would like to discuss my health, would you mind doing so in private?"

But I was caught off-guard and couldn't think of those kinds of responses. What would you suggest for such a situation?

GENTLE READER: The trouble with the popular "why-do-you-need-to know?" response is that it prompts a reply from the defensive busybody, who will be sure to claim that she was only asking out of concern for you. This is a conversation you do not want to have.

Miss Manners' answer to those nosy questions would be "I'm fine, thank you; how are you?" in the tone of voice that dismisses the inquiry as a mere convention.

You will probably have to keep repeating this, as it provokes the "But how are you, REALLY?" follow-up. That can finally be cut off with a firm "I appreciate your concern, but as I keep telling you, I am fine. Now how are you?"

DEAR MISS MANNERS: After the birth of my child last year, my aunt surprised me with the gift of a new rocking chair. I graciously accepted, even though I had very little space for it in my home and I already owned a rocking chair.

Over time, it became apparent that the chair was poorly made and low-quality. It creaks, has thin padding, does not fit both mom and a growing baby comfortably, etc.

The baby is now 1 year old, and I would love to reclaim the precious space taken up by this low-quality chair. Is it rude or ungrateful to get rid of an expensive gift if it no longer serves you well?

GENTLE READER: Once given, a present is yours to handle as you wish. You do not have to keep this chair, waiting for the day you can persuade the baby that it is just the thing for a college dormitory room.

Miss Manners guesses that you are wondering what to say in case your aunt finds her way into the nursery. The answer is nothing, unless the aunt makes the mistake of asking. With any luck, she will think your old rocker is the one she sent.

But should she ask, a useful, meaningless answer should be, "We were so glad to have it; thank you. But now Maeve is now finally sleeping through the night, thank goodness."

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is the thinking these days on who in a couple signs a greeting card?

A few years ago, I had some surgery and missed a family gathering. My sister very nicely sent a "get well" card, signed by all four of the women at the get-together, on behalf of themselves and their husbands. In two of the couples, it is the husband I am related to.

I have to admit that I was a little shocked that everybody didn't sign their own names in this day and age. Like, they were all sitting right there, together.

An aside: When I was married, my husband would never sign a card I was sending, but pitched a fit if I refused to sign a card he was sending. I was confused by that.

GENTLE READER: You will forgive Miss Manners if she pitches her own fit over the impersonal nature of greeting cards in the first place. Adding eight signatures to it feels even more insulting -- as if a treaty is being signed, not a wish for a swift recovery.

The proper thing to do is to write the words out -- and Miss Manners is sorry to tell you, but only one person can do that. However, you can add, "Tito adds his wish that you get better soon."

Yes, one person in the couple is going to get off easy. So Miss Manners suggests that you take turns or trade doing this for another task.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My wife and I worked diligently to encourage good manners in our boys as they were growing up, and now that they are adults, we feel generally pleased with their progress -- except for one new thing.

They have both begun to eat terribly fast, and not just when grabbing a midday sandwich while working remotely. Even in nice restaurants, we watch them tear into their meals, finishing as my wife and I are just starting. They aren't messy, just fast.

We have mentioned this discreetly to both of them, explaining how their speed can leave others feeling uneasy, while depriving the table of welcome conversation. But they don't seem to see it as a real problem, and always forget when we again share a meal.

Is there something good-natured, but still "impactful," that my wife or I can say when this occurs? (Obviously only when it's just the four of us; we wouldn't embarrass them in front of other guests.)

GENTLE READER: Parents, even of adult children, are still entitled to express concern over health and manners. But the former may be easier for those children to ... ahem ... digest.

"Wow. You boys must be hungry, but I am worried that with your speedy eating, you might choke. Please try to slow down so that we can all enjoy the meal and conversation together." If this is not effective, Miss Manners feels certain that eating like this in front of potential romantic partners may prove more so.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)