DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was invited to a friend's home for lunch with a group of other women. While we were all seated and enjoying the lovely lunch provided by our hostess, one of the women sitting by me began interrogating me about my health. She asked me very intrusive questions in a rude, loud, belligerent voice that could be heard throughout the house.

The other women at the table were all watching us and could hear the entire conversation. I am a very private person who doesn't like to make my health concerns public knowledge, and I am unhappy about having my privacy violated.

I have since thought that I should have stopped her by saying, "Is there some reason that you feel the need to know?" Or "If you would like to discuss my health, would you mind doing so in private?"

But I was caught off-guard and couldn't think of those kinds of responses. What would you suggest for such a situation?

GENTLE READER: The trouble with the popular "why-do-you-need-to know?" response is that it prompts a reply from the defensive busybody, who will be sure to claim that she was only asking out of concern for you. This is a conversation you do not want to have.

Miss Manners' answer to those nosy questions would be "I'm fine, thank you; how are you?" in the tone of voice that dismisses the inquiry as a mere convention.

You will probably have to keep repeating this, as it provokes the "But how are you, REALLY?" follow-up. That can finally be cut off with a firm "I appreciate your concern, but as I keep telling you, I am fine. Now how are you?"

DEAR MISS MANNERS: After the birth of my child last year, my aunt surprised me with the gift of a new rocking chair. I graciously accepted, even though I had very little space for it in my home and I already owned a rocking chair.

Over time, it became apparent that the chair was poorly made and low-quality. It creaks, has thin padding, does not fit both mom and a growing baby comfortably, etc.

The baby is now 1 year old, and I would love to reclaim the precious space taken up by this low-quality chair. Is it rude or ungrateful to get rid of an expensive gift if it no longer serves you well?

GENTLE READER: Once given, a present is yours to handle as you wish. You do not have to keep this chair, waiting for the day you can persuade the baby that it is just the thing for a college dormitory room.

Miss Manners guesses that you are wondering what to say in case your aunt finds her way into the nursery. The answer is nothing, unless the aunt makes the mistake of asking. With any luck, she will think your old rocker is the one she sent.

But should she ask, a useful, meaningless answer should be, "We were so glad to have it; thank you. But now Maeve is now finally sleeping through the night, thank goodness."

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is the thinking these days on who in a couple signs a greeting card?

A few years ago, I had some surgery and missed a family gathering. My sister very nicely sent a "get well" card, signed by all four of the women at the get-together, on behalf of themselves and their husbands. In two of the couples, it is the husband I am related to.

I have to admit that I was a little shocked that everybody didn't sign their own names in this day and age. Like, they were all sitting right there, together.

An aside: When I was married, my husband would never sign a card I was sending, but pitched a fit if I refused to sign a card he was sending. I was confused by that.

GENTLE READER: You will forgive Miss Manners if she pitches her own fit over the impersonal nature of greeting cards in the first place. Adding eight signatures to it feels even more insulting -- as if a treaty is being signed, not a wish for a swift recovery.

The proper thing to do is to write the words out -- and Miss Manners is sorry to tell you, but only one person can do that. However, you can add, "Tito adds his wish that you get better soon."

Yes, one person in the couple is going to get off easy. So Miss Manners suggests that you take turns or trade doing this for another task.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My wife and I worked diligently to encourage good manners in our boys as they were growing up, and now that they are adults, we feel generally pleased with their progress -- except for one new thing.

They have both begun to eat terribly fast, and not just when grabbing a midday sandwich while working remotely. Even in nice restaurants, we watch them tear into their meals, finishing as my wife and I are just starting. They aren't messy, just fast.

We have mentioned this discreetly to both of them, explaining how their speed can leave others feeling uneasy, while depriving the table of welcome conversation. But they don't seem to see it as a real problem, and always forget when we again share a meal.

Is there something good-natured, but still "impactful," that my wife or I can say when this occurs? (Obviously only when it's just the four of us; we wouldn't embarrass them in front of other guests.)

GENTLE READER: Parents, even of adult children, are still entitled to express concern over health and manners. But the former may be easier for those children to ... ahem ... digest.

"Wow. You boys must be hungry, but I am worried that with your speedy eating, you might choke. Please try to slow down so that we can all enjoy the meal and conversation together." If this is not effective, Miss Manners feels certain that eating like this in front of potential romantic partners may prove more so.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: We have about a dozen fruit trees at our home. We fertilize, prune and care for them ourselves. When the fruit is on the trees, we have invited a few specific people, usually from our church, to come pick some.

When I invited one church member to come and get some fruit, imagine my surprise when she arrived with a caravan of folks, none of whom I knew! The person I'd invited said, in a very loud voice in front of everyone, "Well, you can see I brought friends."

One of the children in the group was climbing the trees, and I was horrified -- especially since lawyers in our area like to heavily advertise the large settlements they win for clients.

This group nearly stripped the trees. Obviously, I will never invite her again, but is there anything that I could have said to discourage this at the time?

GENTLE READER: As your church acquaintance was smugly aware of her rudeness, the only thing Miss Manners would have done is agreed with her: "Yes, we weren't expecting such a large crowd and thorough picking of our fruit. It looks like we may not have enough left for the pie I was hoping to make for everyone later. The children would have particularly enjoyed it after their exhausting and dangerous climbs."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: At the age of 85, I have a number of digestive problems, including acid reflux and lactose intolerance. I am fortunate to have many friends at this age and stage of life, and while I enjoy getting together for dinner, I prefer to avoid eating at people's homes. I know the host/hostess will go to a great deal of trouble to prepare food, and I am often unable to eat it.

Announcing my situation in advance can cause a problem for the hosts, who choose to allow it to dictate the menu. Not explaining my problem causes me great embarrassment when confronted with a plate of food I cannot eat.

How can I gracefully respond to these invitations without revealing my food issues and answering a barrage of questions? I don't like making an issue of what I can and cannot eat.

Refusing the invitation without giving an honest reason seems to convey not wanting to get together. Responding that I am unavailable at the date/time suggested often is met with an offer to change the date/time. Suggesting that we meet in a restaurant instead seems rude, since I am controlling and changing their plans.

How would you handle these invitations in my position?

GENTLE READER: While Miss Manners does not usually condone hijacking invitations, yours is a good reason for an exception.

"You know what? It has been too long since I have had you and the tree-shaping club over for dinner. Why don't we do it at my house this time?"

Yes, you are still usurping plans, but in a gracious way. And it is far more appetizing, as you say, than telling them the real reason behind the change.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)