DEAR MISS MANNERS: I'm in a group of four close guy friends, one of whom lives out of town. We all have nice houses with guest rooms. Whenever we get a visit from the out-of-towner -- which usually comes in the form of him saying, "I want to visit; does next weekend work?" -- I am the only person who provides him with accommodations.
While I don't mind too much, this happens even when his plans are not with me! He'll visit to spend the days with the other two friends, only to come back to my house to eat, shower, sleep and leave.
One time, he came to visit when I was out of town -- and even then, no one else offered their guest rooms. I was boarding the friend, even though I was not there, after a last-second text asking if he could use our spare key. What could I say?
This leads me to my conflict and dilemma. I'm annoyed that no one else is offering to host our friend. But should I be? And if I want to change this, how do I alter the pattern without looking like a jerk to the out-of-towner or the local guys? I've tried the "Hey, can someone else host this weekend?" shtick, but it has gone nowhere.
GENTLE READER: Having a long-established pattern that everyone (except you) enjoys, your friends see little need to change. And your attempt to solicit alternative lodging for the out-of-towner unfortunately reinforced the premise that you are his travel agent.
All that remains is to be occasionally unable to host without taking responsibility -- a task that would have been easier had you made use of the understandable excuse of not being in town yourself.