DEAR MISS MANNERS: We understand that during COVID, plans had to change and weddings had to be postponed. However, what is the protocol for disinviting people who received "Save the Date" cards for the original wedding in 2020, but who will not be invited to the rescheduled event?

In the mail, we received a formal invitation for the rescheduled black-tie affair, but included in the same envelope was another card. It read as follows: "In light of the current circumstances and state restrictions, we must limit our guest count. Please accept our apologies. We will miss you and know we are together in spirit."

Is it normal to send both the official invitation and the disinvitation in the same mailing? Instead, shouldn't it have been a wedding announcement after the fact? It is a little confusing and curious. Inquiring minds want to know what Miss Manners would say in this situation!

GENTLE READER: That it is double the insult to draw further attention to what a disinvited guest will be missing. An announcement after the fact would, Miss Manners agrees, have been far more gracious.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Can you just ask everyone to please leave a toilet plunger by their toilets?

I think I must have an unusually strong toilet at home, while some of my friends have weak ones. I never seem to clog the toilet at home, but always do at other people's houses.

It is so embarrassing to ask someone where their toilet plunger is. Do I sneak around the house looking for one rather than ask? Do I wait until dinner is over, if dinner is in progress? Do I try to lure my host into a separate room to speak privately?

Everybody, please, can you keep a toilet plunger by the toilet, or at least in a closet inside your bathroom? Then you'll never have to talk to me about plungers again.

GENTLE READER: Deal.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A woman in my neighborhood was recently horrified and heartbroken when she witnessed a coyote taking away her cat. I understand the trauma this caused. However, I had to applaud the wisdom of nature.

I had been equally aghast when that $@%#* cat crushed one, then another, then a third hummingbird right outside the window where I enjoy my morning coffee. Fortunately, my coffee cup was in the saucer or I would have lost it.

I know there is plenty of evidence that loose cats kill millions of birds each year. This is not nature; it's irresponsible people imposing their pet preferences on the rest of us and the birds.

GENTLE READER: Since nature has taken its course, Miss Manner trusts that you will now go against yours and be kind to this woman when you see her. She has lost her cat to the circle of life -- and your theory about nature's morality will not likely ease the pain.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My email was hacked. Some of my loving, trusting, generous -- and also naive -- friends were tricked into sending money to scammers because they thought they were helping me.

I am grateful to have such friends, but naturally I feel rotten about this. Everybody tells me I am not to blame, even the ones who were defrauded, but I still feel guilty and responsible.

My etiquette problem is that part of the scam was the promise of repayment. That will not happen.

My friends may not be able to afford losing the money they thought they were simply loaning to me on a short-term basis. As it happens, though technically not responsible, I can help, and am anxious to. How do I go about it in a delicate and sensitive way? They may have their pride.

GENTLE READER: Become exceedingly generous whenever you can, bestowing presents on these generous people.

That should quell any issues of pride. But if they question your generosity, Miss Manners suggests you tell them, "Let's just say that this is from me and the 'prince' who scammed you."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am an older gentleman who has repeatedly been described as "a natty dresser." (I just think that I dress neatly and appropriately.) And yet there are three women I encounter occasionally who compulsively correct something: They smooth an already flat lapel or adjust a carefully knotted tie.

If the genders were reversed, I would be allowed to say, with some heat, "Take your hands off me!" The best I have come up with is, "You know, it's a shame that someone in his 60s can't be trusted to get dressed before he leaves the house." What advice has Miss Manners to offer?

GENTLE READER: Is this an assault on your aesthetic or on your personal space? Either complaint is legitimate, but Miss Manners wants to be clear on the intention before she offers her advice.

She supposes that it will sound outdated if she recalls when it used to be a sign of affection for a partner or intimate to adjust a gentleman's clothing. It was of no relevance if the tie or lapel actually needed improvement -- it was merely a way to take pride in his appearance. Miss Manners readily concedes, however, that doing this without consent, or to someone to whom you are not intimately related, is a violation. And as you point out, it does not pass the gender-reverse test. Adjusting a lady's bra strap or wayward button would not be taken kindly.

Assuming good intent, however, perhaps you could offer bewilderment instead of heat. Try a startled step back, followed by, "Oh dear, I tied that tie meticulously. I'll have to retreat to the men's room now to adjust it. Excuse me." If you do this enough and it causes sufficient delay in dinner or other plans, perhaps your handsy friends will receive the message that their adjustments are not wanted.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am 71 years old and have been in a relationship with a 71-year-old man ("M.") for two years. We are living together, but I am financially independent. We share all expenses.

M.'s daughter (35, one of a set of twins), started insulting and disrespecting me over a year ago. The incidents have been blatant. M. promised to talk to her, but he never did, and the disrespect has escalated.

M.'s suggestion is that I work to mend the relationship. Am I being unreasonable to feel hurt by and resentful of both the daughter and M.? I am considering ending this relationship as a result of this perceived disrespect.

GENTLE READER: A referee's job is to be neutral. Parents have no such luxury when their children misbehave.

You are right to expect M.'s daughter to behave, and you are right to expect M. to speak to her when she does not. Tell him Miss Manners said so, and when you hear his response, you can decide whether it is time to end the relationship.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My second cousin is getting married. Her mother contacted my sister for my address to send me an invitation to the wedding. When my sister could not produce the address, she insisted the bride's mother send my invitation to her house.

I do not live with my sister; I have my own home. When said invitation arrived, it did not just have my name on it: It had my sister's, as well -- and listed first -- so I did not even get my own invitation.

The acquisition of my address is not a difficult thing. My sister could have contacted me or my mother within a moment's notice to ask. We all have phone numbers, email and social media. The mother of the bride could have done the same. Neither attempted to do such a thing.

I was unaware I was invited until my sister mentioned something about it a mere two weeks before the wedding, acting appalled that I had no intention of going, or even of sending a gift or a card. She had not shown me the invitation or indicated it had arrived. Had my parents not planned on going, I would have never even known there was a wedding happening.

Please settle our family debate: Was I invited to this wedding when no invitation came to my home, nor was any invitation with my name on it shown to me? And am I making a faux pas by not answering the invitation or sending a gift?

GENTLE READER: Do you want to go? If you do, then Miss Manners is happy to inform you that you were invited. If you do not, then be even more appalled than your sister when you tell her that, not having seen the invitation, you did not respond -- and now have a conflict. You should then write a letter with a similar, apologetic message to the bride. It need not be accompanied by a present.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)