DEAR MISS MANNERS: My email was hacked. Some of my loving, trusting, generous -- and also naive -- friends were tricked into sending money to scammers because they thought they were helping me.

I am grateful to have such friends, but naturally I feel rotten about this. Everybody tells me I am not to blame, even the ones who were defrauded, but I still feel guilty and responsible.

My etiquette problem is that part of the scam was the promise of repayment. That will not happen.

My friends may not be able to afford losing the money they thought they were simply loaning to me on a short-term basis. As it happens, though technically not responsible, I can help, and am anxious to. How do I go about it in a delicate and sensitive way? They may have their pride.

GENTLE READER: Become exceedingly generous whenever you can, bestowing presents on these generous people.

That should quell any issues of pride. But if they question your generosity, Miss Manners suggests you tell them, "Let's just say that this is from me and the 'prince' who scammed you."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am an older gentleman who has repeatedly been described as "a natty dresser." (I just think that I dress neatly and appropriately.) And yet there are three women I encounter occasionally who compulsively correct something: They smooth an already flat lapel or adjust a carefully knotted tie.

If the genders were reversed, I would be allowed to say, with some heat, "Take your hands off me!" The best I have come up with is, "You know, it's a shame that someone in his 60s can't be trusted to get dressed before he leaves the house." What advice has Miss Manners to offer?

GENTLE READER: Is this an assault on your aesthetic or on your personal space? Either complaint is legitimate, but Miss Manners wants to be clear on the intention before she offers her advice.

She supposes that it will sound outdated if she recalls when it used to be a sign of affection for a partner or intimate to adjust a gentleman's clothing. It was of no relevance if the tie or lapel actually needed improvement -- it was merely a way to take pride in his appearance. Miss Manners readily concedes, however, that doing this without consent, or to someone to whom you are not intimately related, is a violation. And as you point out, it does not pass the gender-reverse test. Adjusting a lady's bra strap or wayward button would not be taken kindly.

Assuming good intent, however, perhaps you could offer bewilderment instead of heat. Try a startled step back, followed by, "Oh dear, I tied that tie meticulously. I'll have to retreat to the men's room now to adjust it. Excuse me." If you do this enough and it causes sufficient delay in dinner or other plans, perhaps your handsy friends will receive the message that their adjustments are not wanted.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am 71 years old and have been in a relationship with a 71-year-old man ("M.") for two years. We are living together, but I am financially independent. We share all expenses.

M.'s daughter (35, one of a set of twins), started insulting and disrespecting me over a year ago. The incidents have been blatant. M. promised to talk to her, but he never did, and the disrespect has escalated.

M.'s suggestion is that I work to mend the relationship. Am I being unreasonable to feel hurt by and resentful of both the daughter and M.? I am considering ending this relationship as a result of this perceived disrespect.

GENTLE READER: A referee's job is to be neutral. Parents have no such luxury when their children misbehave.

You are right to expect M.'s daughter to behave, and you are right to expect M. to speak to her when she does not. Tell him Miss Manners said so, and when you hear his response, you can decide whether it is time to end the relationship.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My second cousin is getting married. Her mother contacted my sister for my address to send me an invitation to the wedding. When my sister could not produce the address, she insisted the bride's mother send my invitation to her house.

I do not live with my sister; I have my own home. When said invitation arrived, it did not just have my name on it: It had my sister's, as well -- and listed first -- so I did not even get my own invitation.

The acquisition of my address is not a difficult thing. My sister could have contacted me or my mother within a moment's notice to ask. We all have phone numbers, email and social media. The mother of the bride could have done the same. Neither attempted to do such a thing.

I was unaware I was invited until my sister mentioned something about it a mere two weeks before the wedding, acting appalled that I had no intention of going, or even of sending a gift or a card. She had not shown me the invitation or indicated it had arrived. Had my parents not planned on going, I would have never even known there was a wedding happening.

Please settle our family debate: Was I invited to this wedding when no invitation came to my home, nor was any invitation with my name on it shown to me? And am I making a faux pas by not answering the invitation or sending a gift?

GENTLE READER: Do you want to go? If you do, then Miss Manners is happy to inform you that you were invited. If you do not, then be even more appalled than your sister when you tell her that, not having seen the invitation, you did not respond -- and now have a conflict. You should then write a letter with a similar, apologetic message to the bride. It need not be accompanied by a present.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a date with a guy I met three years ago. We have communicated on and off, and now he is coming to town and has asked me out. The date is on his birthday, and I don't know if I should do something for him!

GENTLE READER: Asking someone for a first -- or first-in-a-while -- date on one's birthday is like bringing along your parents: It skips necessary steps on the way to developing a relationship.

For that reason, Miss Manners would have changed the day, had she known. Since it is too late for that, you should bring a token gift -- inexpensive and lighthearted -- while he should insist that he has never attached much importance to the day -- which is not really plausible, as he must have been the one who told you.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am the proud grandmother of five grandchildren. Four of them range in age from 10 to 20.

The fifth one passed away at 5 weeks old. She was born with a rare, complex, congenital heart abnormality. She fought really hard and endured 12 open-heart surgeries in her short life. She would now be 13 if she had lived.

People often ask me how many grandchildren I have. I usually say five, and that often segues into being asked for their ages. I feel awkward giving the ages for four grandchildren, then explaining that one passed away. I don't always really want to discuss it with people I don't know, and I also don't want to seem like I'm asking for sympathy.

At the same time, it doesn't feel right not to acknowledge that I have another granddaughter. She deserves to be recognized as one of my grandchildren, even if it's just in a passing conversation.

What would be the best way for me to address this to inquirers in a way that doesn't ignore my granddaughter, but respectfully nips the conversation?

GENTLE READER: There is no disrespect in failing to mention a significant tragedy in a casual conversation. If anything, Miss Manners would have said the reverse: that the loss of your granddaughter at such a young age is too personal to share with a stranger.

The ages of your grandchildren "range from 10 to 20," which is likely as much detail as is of interest to the inquirer.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Today, at a local restaurant, a couple at another table paid for our lunch (my sister and me). We did not find this out until after they had left and we were preparing to pay our bill, so I didn't get to thank them. My question is: Should I have left a tip for our server?

GENTLE READER: That your unnamed benefactors may have already left a tip is less important than that they may not have.

Think of it this way: If you both leave tips for the same meal, the server, like yourself, will have come into a welcome and unexpected bonus; if neither of you tips, the server will have been shortchanged while you go home whistling. Miss Manners prefers the former.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)