DEAR MISS MANNERS: For the past 25 years, my loving but stubborn significant other and I have engaged in an ongoing argument over slicing, not fork-splitting, English muffins. Unfortunately, the first time I saw him slice apart a muffin, I reacted in horror, having never seen anyone do this before (especially as the package was labeled "fork split").
He, in turn, had never heard of fork-splitting muffins. When he asked why this was done, I could only, and perhaps incorrectly, tell him that this was both traditional and that it created a round surface that allowed butter to adhere properly.
To this day, he delights in holding up sliced, buttered English muffins to demonstrate that the butter does not, in fact, slide off.
Except for this no-longer-hilarious quirk, he is a delightful person, but I would like to resolve the issue, once and for all, with a ruling from you.
GENTLE READER: The gentleman is fortunate that he has redeeming qualities to compensate for his shocking behavior. The muffin slicing doesn't bother Miss Manners nearly as much as the endless repetition of a joke that has worn out its humor.
You would only encourage this if you argue about the practicality -- for example, testing whether jam slides off because of the slicing. Besides, your kitchen floor would be a mess.
It is enough that using a fork is traditional. It doesn't have to be utilitarian.