Richard Petty, the stock-car racing legend, finished second in his very first race. He was so excited that he sped home to tell his mother.

"You lost!" was her candid response.

Richard objected and thought he did a great job to finish second among 35 cars in his first race.

But his mom didn't see it that way. She said, "Richard, you don't have to run second to anybody!"

Petty never forgot his mother's message, and for the next 20-plus years, he dominated stock-car racing.

Like it is for most kids, the importance of finishing first or winning was always stressed as I was growing up. As a competitive person, I thought that second place was the same as last. Losing was a source of shame. Everyone wants to win.

Americans have a fixation on being number one. The most valuable player, the Oscar winner, the CEO. Who dreams of being the backup quarterback or getting named the runner-up in the Miss America pageant? How many kids grow up wanting to be vice president?

My good friend Nido Qubein says: "Winners compare their achievements with their goals and with their own potential. The rest compare themselves with others."

There's certainly nothing wrong with striving to be the best. That's what makes America. Healthy competition for the number one spot brings out the best in us.

But for there to be a number one, someone must be number two. And three. And four. There's only one Michael Jordan, Tom Brady and Muhammad Ali.

What is the best way to get to number one? It's competition. Competition has made me a better businessman, a better golfer and a better person. And when there isn't another company or business to compete with, I try to outdo myself. If that sounds simple, well, it is. I always want to be at my best.

Competition makes us better and stronger. We should not only welcome stiff competition, we should actively seek it. We'll never realize our full potential in business or athletics unless we are challenged. Competition is healthy. It keeps us sharp. It makes us better. It improves quality.

But a problem I see all too frequently is that people are afraid of competition. Perhaps it's because they fear losing, but I suspect a better reason is that they know they are not as prepared as the competition. They are not willing to put in the hard work, training and sacrifice that is required. They think things will be easier for them than for others, possibly because others have made things look easy.

People can exceed expectations when motivated properly. Competition, not cereal, is the breakfast of champions. You'll profit a lot more by trying to learn from your competition than by trying to destroy them.

Competition drives performance. It impels people to work harder and dig down deeper to deliver more than they ever thought they could.

Two hikers discovered that a mountain lion was stalking them. One stopped to change into running shoes, and his buddy asked, "What good are those shoes going to do you? You can't outrun a mountain lion!" He responded, "I don't have to outrun the lion. I just need to stay ahead of you."

There's nothing like a little competition to boost productivity. Look at industry studies and you will consistently see that competition helped improve results.

I have always been very competitive. I understand that some people don't like competition, but you have to accept that competition is unavoidable in life. That's the way our society works. And it's my firm belief that our society improves with competition.

Some parents have legitimate concerns about engaging their young children in competition. I understand their reluctance in situations where unrealistic expectations are set. But friendly competition is positive. Age-appropriate competition helps kids understand the importance of learning and improving. It is critical to prepare children and teenagers to compete in the real world. As they grow older, they will face competition in schools, getting a job, even buying a house.

A University of Florida study found that participating in sports is a healthy way to teach kids about the positive aspects of competition. Playing sports helps kids understand how competition works in a friendly environment and that if they try their hardest, they have a better chance at succeeding, not to mention improving their health and self-esteem.

Mackay's Moral: If you can't win, make the person ahead of you break the record.

Wishing to encourage her young son's progress on the piano, a mother took her little boy to a concert featuring the famous pianist, Paderewski. After they were seated, the mother spotted a friend in the audience and walked down the aisle to greet her. Seizing the opportunity to explore the wonders of the concert hall, the little boy rose and eventually explored his way through a door marked "No Admittance."

When the house lights dimmed and the concert was about to begin, the mother returned to her seat and discovered that her son was missing. Suddenly the curtains parted, and the spotlights focused on the impressive Steinway piano on stage.

In horror, the mother saw her son sitting at the keyboard. Innocently, he then began to play "Chopsticks." The crowd reacted with disgust. Who would bring a little boy to a concert?

When Paderewski heard the uproar backstage, he grabbed his coat and rushed to the stage. Realizing what was going on, he went to the piano and reached around the little boy from behind. The master began to improvise a countermelody to "Chopsticks." As the two of them played together, Paderewski kept whispering in the boy's ear, "Keep going. Don't quit, son ... don't stop ... don't stop."

Together, the old master and the little boy transformed an embarrassing situation into a wonderfully creative experience. The audience was mesmerized.

You might remember seeing a version of this story in a recent TV ad from the Foundation for a Better Life.

I learned early on, especially as a parent, that how you react to situations is huge. It's hard not to act emotionally. That's how our brains are wired to react. Reactions are instinctive. Resist the urge. When you react with emotions, you do and say things without thinking and don't realize the ramifications of your comments.

Emotions can be like a ticking time bomb. Learning how to control your emotions can do wonders for your health.

Instead of reacting to these types of situations, learn how to respond and focus on the outcome rather than on the emotions. Successful people have a plan for how to respond positively and productively. Practicing self-control is a learned trait, and it pays to study hard to acquire that skill.

Change your emotions and you can change your life. Anger is an emotion that fades over time, so a good defensive strategy is to pause and create some space between your emotions and reactions. Just a few seconds can help. Why do you think teachers and parents give their children timeouts? Give yourself a timeout! If you need to, walk away or take several deep breaths to calm yourself down.

It's also possible to train your mind to respond slower. When you slow down, you feel more in control. Take a minute to put the situation in perspective. Will it really make things better if you fly off the handle?

Be aware of what triggers your reactions. Is it frustration, anger, anxiety or something else? Why did this situation occur, and could it have been avoided?

Empathy is another way to respond to situations positively. You never know what is going on in the lives of others that might cause them to behave in a certain way. A little empathy can go a long way.

I have found that coaching myself and self-talk are also beneficial techniques. I try to block out negative thoughts and replace them with positive responses. I tell myself I have everything under control. That helps me avoid knee-jerk reactions that I will likely regret later.

A level head is important in both your personal and professional lives. No one wants to do business with a hothead. If your behavior is affecting your bottom line, fix it now.

I'm not saying that any of this is easy. I'm guilty of letting my emotions get the best of me sometimes. But I try to learn from those missteps and consider how I could have handled the situation better. It takes a lot of hard work to break a bad habit, but it's worth it.

Most of us live and work in such hectic and pressure-ridden environments that it's wise to remember the words of the psychiatrist whose assistant was trying to answer two telephones at once. "Miss Smith," he said, "just say we're terribly busy -- not 'It's a madhouse here.'"

Mackay's Moral: Keep your cool when you're hot under the collar.

One Sunday afternoon, a cranky grandfather was visiting his family. As he lay down to take a nap, his mischievous grandson decided to have a little fun by putting Limburger cheese on Grandpa's mustache. Soon, Grandpa awoke with a snort and charged out of the bedroom saying, “This room stinks.” Through the house he went, finding every room smelling the same. Desperately he made his way outside only to exclaim “The whole world stinks!”

So it is when we fill our minds with negativity. Everything we experience and everyone we encounter will carry the scent we hold in our mind. Maya Angelou, one of my favorite poets and authors, said: “I am convinced that the negative has power, and if you allow it to perch in your house, in your mind, in your life, it can take you over.”

We all have negative thoughts from time to time. But studies show constant negativity can lead to depression, anxiety, personality disorders and even mental illness.

That’s why I don’t recommend hanging around with negative people, because they bring you down. A negative person sees the difficulty in every opportunity, while a positive person sees the opportunity in every difficulty. It’s better to surround yourself with positive people who support each other when the urge to be negative threatens.

According to the website Power of Positivity, there are three leading causes of negative thoughts.

Fear of the future: People often fear the unknown and are unsure what the future might bring. This often leads to predicting failure and disaster. Worrying about the future is a waste of time and energy. Accept that there is a limit to what you can change in the future and strive to focus on the present instead.

Anxiety about the present: Anxiety about the present is understandable. Many of us worry about what people think of us, whether we’re doing a good job at work and what the traffic will be like on the way home. Negative thinkers often come up with the worst-case scenario. Organization and routine can help with banishing negative thoughts.

Shame about the past: Have you ever stayed awake worrying about something you did last week, or even last year? Everyone does and says things they feel embarrassed about, but negative thinkers tend to dwell on past mistakes and failures more than others. Just accept that the event happened and consider how you can prevent it from happening again in the future.

Author Emma-Marie Smith suggests asking yourself these five questions when you feel negative thoughts creeping in:

-- Is the thought true? Is there a basis for this negative belief?

-- Is the thought giving you power, or is it taking your power away?

-- Can you put a positive spin on this thought or learn from it?

-- What would your life look like if you didn’t have these negative beliefs?

-- Is the thought glossing over an issue that needs addressing?

The famous inventor Thomas Edison used to say his deafness was his greatest blessing -- a blessing because it saved him from having to listen to reasons why things couldn't be done.

I love that thought. In fact, I would suggest that practicing “selective hearing” is a positive step toward filtering the negativity that discourages you from trying new things. It’s OK to let folks share their opinions, but you are not obligated to let them make decisions for you.

Think about the famous story of David and Goliath. A small boy with only a slingshot and a few stones was facing a fierce giant who could crush him with one hand. David could have looked at his formidable foe and thought, “He’s really big. And mean. And scary. And I am none of those things. I’m outta here.”

But he turned his thoughts toward what he could do. Looking at the giant towering over him, he said instead, “That guy is so big. There’s no way I can miss him.”

Mackay’s Moral: Negative thinking will not produce positive results.