DEAR ABBY: I have been married for 17 years to a good man with many great attributes. However, our relationship lacks connection. Every effort at emotional connection is initiated by me (like planning date nights or going out for a walk to have a conversation). I have told him many times I need him to make an effort to initiate. He always agrees, but never follows through.

I have now stopped planning date nights and told him that we won't be going on a date unless he schedules and plans it. (I do not require anything elaborate -- a walk or a simple coffee would suffice.) That was two months ago, and he has made zero effort.

I am lonely and at a loss. What should I do? I have clearly communicated my needs and what I expect from him, and he doesn't seem to care, so I'm not sure where to go from here. -- LONELY IN MINNESOTA

DEAR LONELY: Has it not occurred to you that your husband of 17 years may not have the ability or experience to plan an outing? Assuming the two of you enjoy those walks and dates, and you want to stay married to him, resume taking the initiative and planning your personal time together and show him how it's done. It may not be romantic, but I have heard of men who have far worse flaws.

DEAR ABBY: Do you think it's unreasonable to ask an acquaintance/neighbor to send a quick text before dropping by? This neighbor lives within the same development I do. She is friendly enough, and we occasionally walk our dogs together, but she has a habit of coming by unannounced.

I was out one afternoon and noticed later while viewing my security camera that she had come by and brought with her another woman and the woman's dog. I texted her and let her know that I saw that she had stopped by, and, in the future, I'd prefer she texted me before stopping over. Now she is offended and says she will "never stop over again."

I saw her walk by my house recently and came out to speak to her. When I tried to talk to her, she held up her hand and said, "Don't even speak to me!" I think this is childish and drama-filled. What do you think? -- GROWN-UP IN OHIO

DEAR GROWN-UP: I agree with you. The woman overreacted to your text. This is one of the reasons I believe talking on the phone or face-to-face is a better way to communicate because there's less chance of someone misconstruing a terse message and taking offense. As to her directive that you should not speak to her, take her up on it. Dropping in on someone with no warning is inconsiderate, bordering on rude.

DEAR VETERANS: For your service to our nation, I salute you. My thanks to each of you on this Veterans Day. You personify patriotism, self-sacrifice and dedication to our country. I would also like to recognize your families for the sacrifices they, too, have made while you were serving your country. -- LOVE, ABBY

DEAR ABBY: I'm in my early 30s; my husband is 46. We have been married three years. He has a 24-year-old daughter, "Kiki." Kiki has always been spoiled and catered to; she learned how to lie and manipulate during her childhood.

I have tried to help her because I believed his family when they said she's trying to get it together. Kiki has a DUI, and she got evicted when her parents asked her to pay her own rent, rather than having them pay. They give her cars, but she wrecks them and then leaves them on the side of the road.

We have a 3-week-old baby and a mortgage. I don't think his daughter should still be in our budget, but my husband can't say no to giving her money. Kiki is a habitual liar and user. She can't pay for gas because she buys weed and alcohol instead, confident that everyone else will pay when her utilities get shut off.

I don't think it's fair for us to pay her way. Is 24 young enough to still need this much help? My husband is very defensive about it. -- USED IN NORTH CAROLINA

DEAR USED: Considering this troubled young woman's history, your husband has made a big mistake by fostering her dependence on him. Independence is something she may have to learn in increments. Your husband should sit down with Kiki and explain that he loves her, but she must now find work to support herself, and that he will help -- for a set period of time -- as she adjusts to shouldering responsibility for herself.

If he is still paying her rent, there should be a firm cutoff point. No more cars, because she's a danger on the road. She can use public transportation. And if there are any more problems because of her substance abuse, all bets will be off. The time to draw the line is now.

DEAR ABBY: I am in an online group with neighbors, but I have not been able to get out and meet some newer members in person. One person signs their posts in a language I don't recognize, and I was wondering if there is a polite way to ask them how to pronounce their name and what language it is. There doesn't seem to be a way to broach the subject without seeming negative.

Also, when I hear people in my local store speak another language, I am curious because I am semi-fluent in three languages and interested in learning more, but again, what is a polite way to ask? -- WONDERING IN VIRGINIA

DEAR WONDERING: If you have the slightest concern about asking your neighbors how to pronounce their name and what language it is, then don't do it online. Ask another neighbor or wait until you can meet the person face-to-face.

When you are out and about and hear a language you don't recognize, smile at the people, say that you speak three languages, like the way theirs sounds and ask what it is because you might like to learn it. If the question is asked in a friendly way, most people will answer in the same vein. (I did this at a supermarket recently. The answer was they came from Indonesia and were speaking Malay.)

DEAR ABBY: I am a 37-year-old woman who seems to be the go-to person in my family to figure things out. Due to my stepmom not feeling comfortable enough with her English and my striving to win her approval, I made sure to take care of the things she couldn't from an early age. The problem is, while I used to be proud of myself for always being able to figure things out, I no longer feel that way.

There are five siblings in total. We are all adults now, but my stepmom seems to come only to me to solve any issues she has. If anyone does offer her assistance, she'll say something like, "That's fine, but I'll just ask your sister instead." I understand this may be my fault because of my incessant need to please her.

Lately, however, I've been struggling more and more with feeling used, as if my worth is dependent only on what I can do for her. Is there a way to change her expectations without having to tell her outright how I feel? -- TOO HELPFUL IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR TOO HELPFUL: You might find it easier to start by being less available when your stepmother has a "honey-do." She may be shocked and not like it, so be prepared when you tell her to ask one of your siblings. The alternative is to be completely upfront with her about your feelings, including the fact that you feel she values you only because of what she perceives you can do for her.

Being the only "adult" in the family is a terrible burden to be placed on a child, which appears to be what has happened to you. I knew someone like this. Like you, he was the designated problem-solver in the family. Sadly, no one was grateful for his efforts. Instead, they not only took advantage of him, but also resented him for it.

Call a halt to this scenario before you start to seriously dislike your "helpless" stepmom.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a walker, and I'd like to know, is there a rule regarding passing an oncoming walker? I tend to stay on my right as though I were driving a car, but the occasional walker seems insistent upon staying on their left.

Also, a shoutout to your readers: Sidewalks are for pedestrians, so please don't park your vehicles, lawn mowers, lawn equipment, home maintenance/repair equipment, etc. on them. While it's easy for me to maneuver around them, it isn't easy for small children on bikes or individuals using wheelchairs or pushing strollers. -- STROLLING IN FLORIDA

DEAR STROLLING: The etiquette for pedestrians is the same as that for drivers in all 50 states: Keep to the right side of the "road." Also, people who ride scooters and bicycles on the sidewalk are a danger to pedestrians. In many communities, there may be ordinances to discourage parking equipment on sidewalks. If the arrangement is semi-permanent, visit your city hall website to determine to which department the violation(s) should be reported.