DEAR ABBY: My best friend is getting married next year and is planning for her bachelorette party. Right now, they are looking at places that have a three- or four-night minimum and would cost each person more than $500. (That's just to rent the place.) It wouldn't cover food, gifts, etc.

My friend isn't a fancy, extravagant person, so I was shocked by the length of time I'll need to take off from work and the amount of money I will have to spend. I worry if I try to (nicely) say something, it will come across as not caring about her, her wedding or doing this for her. It's not that I can't afford it, and I think I should have some time off available, but it's going to cost more than I'm comfortable with. Am I being unreasonable? I wouldn't want to not make her feel special. -- SOUR ON IT IN INDIANA

DEAR SOUR: You are not being unreasonable. You are practical, and your reasoning is sound. If your friend's bachelorette party will be more of a financial stretch than you can comfortably afford, you need to level with her, because the wedding will cost you even more. What isn't reasonable is for her to expect everyone to drop everything and blow their budgets in order for her to "feel special."

DEAR ABBY: I had a best friend I got together with weekly. She decided she needed to move away to a quieter place. Of course, I was disappointed, but I supported her decision because it was right for her. She promised me nothing would change, but we lived too far apart for our weekly visits to continue, so I hoped we would talk weekly by phone.

She canceled our last get-together, saying she was stressed and busy preparing for the move. I told her I understood, and I'd give her space and time to settle in and would wait for her call when she was ready. The call never came.

We have seen each other a few times in the years since she moved, always at her suggestion. I gently reminded her of the phone calls we used to make and mentioned getting together a few times, but I received no response. Must I just let her go? I want to tell her how much I miss her friendship, but I'm afraid it will make her feel guilty or obligated. -- GRIEVING IN CANADA

DEAR GRIEVING: Yes, you should let her go. Your friend no longer feels the tie to you that she did when the two of you lived close by. If you want to tell her how much you miss her friendship, you are entitled to do that. But please recognize that not all friendships last forever; some have an expiration date, and the one you had with her appears to be one of them.

DEAR VETERANS: For your service to our nation, I salute you. My thanks to each of you on this Veterans Day. You are the personification of patriotism, self-sacrifice and dedication to our country. I would also like to recognize your families for the sacrifices they, too, have made while you were serving your country. -- LOVE, ABBY

DEAR READERS: Twenty-five years ago tomorrow, I told you about a new, nationwide effort to honor and remember our nation's troops, veterans and families by seeking out and preserving their war correspondence from every conflict in U.S. history.

The response was overwhelming. The founder of this initiative, Andy Carroll, just told me that, as of this week, and on this special 25th anniversary, the archive has collected more than 200,000 war-related letters and emails. The nonprofit organization Andy created, the Center for American War Letters (CAWL), based at Chapman University in California, is still seeking correspondence.

I would like to thank those of you who have already donated letters to CAWL for sharing them, and encourage those of you who are not aware of CAWL but might have letters to contribute, to visit its website (WarLetters.us) to learn more. CAWL is especially interested in any correspondence, including emails, from younger veterans who have served in Iraq and Afghanistan. -- LOVE, ABBY

DEAR ABBY: Over the past few months, due to extenuating circumstances, I have been spending a couple of days a month at my sister's. While there, I sometimes had the feeling that something was crawling on me, but thought it was just the idea of being somewhere other than my home.

Last time, however, I woke up during the night not only with the crawling feeling, but also the sound of buzzing in my ear. I also noticed that when I sat in the spot where I usually do, bugs were getting in my hair. Now my sister is asking me when I want to come and stay for a couple of days again. I don't want to hurt her feelings, but I don't want to deal with bugs again. What should I do? -- WARY IN WEST VIRGINIA

DEAR WARY: What you should do is level with your sister. Explain that during the last few visits, you have felt something crawling or buzzing while you were in bed, and that you also noticed some insects getting into your hair. Your sister's home may have an infestation of some kind, which won't get any better until she calls a pest-control company.

DEAR ABBY: My husband is deceased. I have two grandsons (42 and 39) and a great-grandson (24) living with me. None are married. I do not allow overnight guests. This morning at 3, I heard a girl come upstairs from the downstairs bedroom to get another girl. I was livid. Am I wrong to give them walking papers? I've told them before this was a NO-NO. They thought I was asleep. (I was reading.) -- CAUGHT 'EM IN ILLINOIS

DEAR CAUGHT 'EM: If you prefer not to have men mating like rabbits under your roof while all you have is a book, your wishes should prevail. It's your house, your rules. It's time these "naughty boys" found a place of their own, and you are within your rights to insist upon it.

DEAR ABBY: I discovered last year that my wife was exchanging flirty texts with a local man and had been doing so for years. I found out when I uncovered an image of an adult toy in her phone's deleted images. At the time, I nearly divorced her, but although our marriage went through a tumultuous period, we are still together.

She told me then she'd stop communicating with this man, but a few months ago, she reached out to him for help with a social media account issue she had, and now they chat daily on social media. Although it seems platonic now, it bothers me and has been a source of contention in our marriage. She says she has problems finding female friends, that he understands her medical issues and he's her friend, and they are back to messaging regularly. I can see what's being said, but it still gets me upset.

Am I an ogre for asking her to stop? She says that she has changed her mind and will continue to contact him. I feel like our marriage may be on rocky ground again, but she thinks I am being awful for saying anything. What are your thoughts? -- UPSET HUBBY IN ALABAMA

DEAR UPSET HUBBY: I am sorry you feel so insecure, which must be painful. You didn't mention in what context your wife had a deleted image of a sex toy. Many people shop for them online and couples enjoy them together. During the COVID-19 pandemic, sales of adult toys went through the roof.

You say that you read all of the communications between your wife and her male (platonic) friend. Why isn't that enough? Women are allowed to have male friends, and these days, many of them do. If your marriage is in trouble, perhaps the cause is your ongoing effort to control her. It might improve if you back off.

DEAR ABBY: My son, who is 5, has a rare spinal cord injury from birth. He can crawl, but he does not walk well. We have spent many months and a lot of money ensuring he is getting the best physical therapy and medical care possible for his condition, and we adhere closely to the medical advice of these experts.

My mother, who lives 2,000 miles away, loves my son and wants to spend time with him. However, whenever we visit, she obsesses over the fact that my son can't walk well. I have reminded her not to fixate on his disability and to just enjoy time with him, which is what my son wants. But during this last visit, she told him "big boys walk, they don't crawl." And, "Try harder to walk."

My son has tearfully asked me twice if he can still be a big boy and crawl. (He also uses a wheelchair). I'm fed up with my mother and would prefer to keep her away from my son, but I don't want to create a dramatic familial rift. Advice? -- GOOD MOM IN MONTANA

DEAR MOM: It is your duty as a mother to protect your son from harm. Tell your "helpful" mother that if she says anything again to shame him, it will be the last time she sees him. The person who creates the familial rift won't be you, it will be your incredibly ignorant and insensitive mother.