DEAR ABBY: My narcissistic father feels entitled to do whatever he pleases. He has always insisted that since he makes the money, far more than my mother's income, he should be waited on and cleaned up after. If he stays in my home, he leaves messes everywhere. He's 70, but he acts like a 4-year-old.

He loves attention and will do anything to be the center of it, whether it's wearing a kilt or showing off his intellectual prowess. I have no relationship with him, and I'm OK with that. Mom complains constantly about him, and then defends him. It's emotionally exhausting.

My husband, our kids and I are appalled at his lack of self-awareness, empathy or caring. He makes going on vacation a nightmare. He feels that if he does all the driving, then he's done his part and refuses to help with anything else. He is difficult and manipulative.

He's getting worse as he gets older, and I no longer want to subject my family to this. My mother doesn't seem to understand this. How do I deal with a narcissistic father and a mother who refuses to acknowledge it and constantly makes excuses for him? -- EXASPERATED IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR EXASPERATED: One way to deal with it would be to stop taking vacations with them, since the vacations seem to be anything but pleasant for you and your family. Try to avoid him as often as you can. When your mother complains about "Dad," point out that this is the prize she married and you are tired of hearing her complain since she won't assert herself. Then change the subject when she brings it up.

DEAR ABBY: My brother is emerging from a painful two-year-long divorce, during which his two teenage daughters and one grown daughter became estranged from him. His now-ex-wife overshared with them during the divorce and did everything she could to prevent them from seeing him, despite court orders for him to have joint custody, visitation and therapy.

My brother isn't perfect, but he loves his girls and wants them in his life. He's slowly making progress with one of his minor daughters. My problem is his ex has caused them to shun the rest of their paternal relatives. My two sisters (their aunts) and I are pained by the loss of those relationships.

We still reach out at holidays and birthdays with texts, gifts and well wishes, but we receive no response, not even a polite "thank you." Because we stood by our brother during a terrible experience, we are "guilty by association." Should we continue reaching out or leave them alone until they are ready to have a relationship with us again? -- VICTIM OF DIVORCE

DEAR VICTIM: I don't think you should continue sending gifts that go unacknowledged. However, leave the lines of communication open by sending cards to your nieces on appropriate occasions. If you haven't discussed this with your brother, I recommend you do, and take your lead from him.

DEAR ABBY: I married a recovering addict, and for years he did great. We made a lovely home and family together. Then one of my husband's drug buddies (a woman) resurfaced. My husband had an affair, went down that nasty road again and did some very cruel things to destroy our marriage. We have been married 19 years and separated for the last three, with a divorce pending.

My husband now wants to make amends. He's in a rehab program, but I'm reluctant. We have been on a few dates, and I have real concerns about what will happen when we run into the other woman. I asked her at least six times to go away and stay away.

How should I expect him to react when we run into her? She's deeply embedded in his social circle, far more than I ever was because I don't care for the debauchery lifestyle. He promises he has cut ties with everyone in that circle. But I know it's only a matter of time until we run into her. -- ANGRY AND HURT IN GEORGIA

DEAR ANGRY: You are rightfully hurt and angry, but if reconciling is going to work out well, it's important you're assured that he isn't still carrying a torch for her. You would be wise (and less confrontational) if you ask your almost-ex-husband how he plans to react should he encounter her, rather than dictate how he should do it. He's in rehab and trying to rebuild his life after the mess he made of it. I see no reason to create a scene if your paths cross. A courteous hello and goodbye should suffice.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 57-year-old male. I have no children, and I was forced to move back in with my mother to start my life over again. I divorced my wife because she was cheating.

I have a cousin from Alabama who is 30. I love her dearly. She's my favorite cousin, and I have begun having feelings for her. I think it may be my body's way of telling me it wants to procreate and leave a legacy. I feel guilty about these thoughts and feelings. In my heart, I believe they are shameful. These thoughts are something I must take to my grave and never act upon. But the urge is growing stronger and it's becoming a losing battle.

Telling her (or anyone else in my family) my true feelings would be a terrible thing for me to do. Can you please help me rid myself of these feelings for her? I will take any advice into consideration. -- ASHAMED IN TENNESSEE

DEAR ASHAMED: In some (not all) states, marriage between cousins is legal. Tennessee and Alabama happen to be two of them. Your cousin may be 27 years younger, but at 30, she's a grown woman. Do you have any indication of whether your feelings are reciprocated? Sometimes the feelings we suppress only make them grow stronger. A way to resolve this would be to express them.

If your cousin doesn't share your affection, bear in mind that all women are not cheaters, as your wife was, and start to build a new life while you look for a suitable companion in your community.

DEAR ABBY: I struggled for years with vomiting and nausea, as well as other digestive issues I dismissed as having a "sensitive stomach." When my fiance, "Marc," and I started dating, he urged me to find out the cause of my issues. Six months ago, I was diagnosed with celiac disease, an autoimmune disorder that is managed through a gluten-free diet.

Marc has been incredibly supportive, and our kitchen is mostly gluten-free. I can get fairly sick, so we are pretty careful. There's just one issue: I can get cross-contaminated if he kisses me after eating gluten, and he does eat gluten quite often. It can be resolved if he brushes his teeth thoroughly, but he brushes his teeth only every two or three days.

Marc is a grown man, and while we've discussed it briefly from a health standpoint, I don't want to be responsible for managing his oral hygiene. That needs to be his responsibility. I don't know where to draw the line, though, without being controlling. Is it reasonable to expect my fiance to brush his teeth after eating gluten? Or every morning and evening? Or must I just accept that I won't be able to kiss him except on rare occasions? -- BAD KISS IN KANSAS

DEAR BAD KISS: If kissing your fiance causes you to have episodes of nausea and vomiting (as well as other digestive issues), out of respect for your welfare, your fiance should be willing, if not eager, to modify his snacking habits. Insisting that he do what dental health professionals have urged as far back as I can remember is not "controlling" -- it is protecting your health and his. SPEAK UP!

DEAR ABBY: My cousin is refusing to allow me to see my aunt ("Betty"). After a horrible 2020, during which my cousin lost her husband to cancer and the lockdown occurred that kept most people isolated, my cousin still guards her mom beyond reason. I have asked repeatedly if we could meet in person at an outside location and offered to wear a mask, but she refuses.

My cousin said in a text that she's in charge of her mom's schedule. Her reasons when we speak are the loss of her husband, grief and fear. My aunt is visited often by her grandkids, who live regular lives exposed to the many elements out there, and my cousin works in an industry where she's exposed to many people.

My aunt is in her late 80s, and I'm afraid the next time I see her will be in her casket. After losing several people close to me these past few years, it is obvious to me that life is short and we have no idea when our time will end. When my father died, Aunt Betty and her husband were very kind to me. I have always adored her.

It makes me sad and sometimes angry that my cousin is doing this. I think she's being selfish. Should I say anything to her or just let it be? -- MISSING MY AUNT OUT WEST

DEAR MISSING: By all means, have that conversation with your cousin. Because she has a career that exposes her to strangers who could transmit a contagious disease, and she allows the grandkids to visit, her reasons for not allowing you to see your aunt make no sense.

What does make sense is that she may have other reasons for preventing you from being involved with her mother. What they may be, only she can answer.