DEAR ABBY: I have a huge crush on my husband's friend, "Shane." I think about him daily and fantasize about him every night. He used to come into the place where I work once a month. I wanted to tell him back then how I felt, but I chickened out.

I recently changed jobs, and he came into where I work now. I made a point of talking to him but said nothing about how I feel. I'm sure he could tell by the way I was smiling. I went to the races when Shane was racing and wanted to tell him then. My husband was there and went over to talk to him, so I stayed sitting on the bleachers. When my husband returned, he said Shane asked him where I was.

Abby, I have felt this way for two years. My husband and I have been married for seven. When I'm driving home from work, I fantasize about Shane riding in the car with me. I hurry to get to town hoping I'll see him at the gas station or passing by. I'm considering contacting him on Messenger. I have never thought about my husband this way. Please give me some advice on what to do. -- OVER THE MOON IN MISSOURI

DEAR OVER: Nowhere in your letter did you mention whether your feelings for Shane are reciprocated. If you contact him, what exactly do you plan on telling him -- that you love him? That you lust for him? Your efforts would be better spent trying to figure out what happened to the excitement in your marriage rather than starting a romance with your husband's friend.

If you do what you have in mind and Shane doesn't feel the same way, it will be enormously embarrassing. If he does have similar feelings, your husband will be devastated. The next time you have a fantasy about Shane, I urge you to switch to another channel.

DEAR ABBY: My grandson is 24. He was diagnosed with Asperger's syndrome after he graduated from high school. He was first diagnosed with ADHD when he was young, then, years later, as bipolar. Since high school, he spends his time in his bedroom playing video games. He has no social interactions and doesn't engage much, if at all, with his two younger brothers. He also doesn't get along well with his stepfather.

My daughter, his mother, is desperate for help but has been unable to find it. Most programs are designed for children or are too far away. Even trying to find a counselor locally who specializes in Asperger's has led to blind alleys.

Where do we go to find help for him? He's very functional but somewhat naive socially, and my daughter is fearful of him falling in with the wrong crowd. He has become depressed, and after years of turning his nose up at getting help, he actually wants it now. What do we do? -- SEEKING HELP IN TEXAS

DEAR SEEKING: Forcing help on a person who isn't ready usually accomplishes little. That your grandson is finally willing to accept that he needs help is hopeful. Suggest that your daughter reach out to an organization called AANE, the Asperger/Autism Network, and ask for guidance for her son. To have questions and concerns addressed and to receive information and resources, she should visit aane.org.

DEAR ABBY: My wife has been working as a teacher's assistant for nearly 10 years. Several years ago, she became an assistant in a new school and has been in this particular classroom since it opened. She was assigned a teacher, "Mrs. Smith," a couple years in and has been with her ever since.

My wife has had some critical things to say a couple of times about other teachers, and things she (and I) felt were wrong. But the superintendent of our county always rules for the teachers because they went to college. Mrs. Smith knows this and berates my wife constantly. My wife won't go to the principal because he always sides with the teachers.

I'm about at my wits' end. I just told her I was writing you, and here's why: I so want to say something to this teacher, BUT I WON'T because it's my wife's job. I just need to help her without causing trouble in the heat of the moment. -- SUPPORTIVE HUSBAND IN THE EAST

DEAR HUSBAND: You absolutely should not involve yourself in your wife's difficulties with this teacher. If she's being "berated constantly," the teacher to whom she is assigned has been creating a stressful and hostile working environment. It's time for her to have a frank conversation with that teacher and tell her she is not happy with the way she's being treated. Perhaps she could ask to be assigned to another classroom. However, if that isn't feasible, because your wife is unhappy in that school district, she should look elsewhere for employment.

DEAR ABBY: My recently married daughter and my husband had a stupid argument before Sunday dinner six weeks ago and haven't spoken since. I love my daughter very much and want to see her, but she refuses to come here as she feels her dad owes her an apology.

She and her husband were late (as usual) for dinner, and my husband (who is ill and not sleeping well) just lost it and she burst into tears. I felt for both of them. Neither of them ate dinner, and neither one spoke. They have texted each other, but haven't seen each other. It's stressing me out big-time.

Sunday dinners have been put on hold, and my patience is wearing thin. I think they're both in the wrong and need to talk, but neither will make the first move. Any ideas? -- MOM & WIFE TO THE STUBBORN

DEAR M&W: May I be frank? Your husband was not feeling well and, in addition, was sleep-deprived. That he may have been more sensitive than usual is understandable. He was certainly within his rights to point out to your daughter and her husband that their habitual tardiness is rude and inconsiderate. They were long overdue in hearing it.

Your daughter and son-in-law owe him -- and you -- an apology. Support your husband and hope your self-centered daughter matures enough to admit they were wrong and apologize. In the meantime, please make plans with other folks for Sunday dinners, which will give you less time to brood.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 56-year-old, married, 24/7 caregiver. My husband is terminally ill. When he was diagnosed, all I could think about was what can I do to make this as pleasant and comfortable as possible for my husband and best friend. I have devoted my energy to giving him the best home care I possibly can. It's far more important to utilize my energy taking care of the love of my life than anything else, and I have put myself on the back burner.

We live a very isolated life. We didn't socialize, mainly because I'm a longtime loner and somewhat shy. My husband never had close friends. Basically, I'm alone, with all of my family living out of state and no friends or relatives nearby. Abby, I am scared. I'm filled with anxiety and hopelessness every day. I can't let my husband see these dark feelings, so I put on a happy face so I won't place any unneeded stress on him. How do I continue to keep up this facade? -- ALONE AND SCARED IN SOUTH CAROLINA

DEAR ALONE AND SCARED: Please accept my deepest sympathy for what you and your beloved husband are going through. It is very important that you recognize that in order to give him the best care possible, it's crucial you take care of yourself.

Ask your husband's doctor if there is an organization that can offer support and information about his illness. Most of them have support groups and chat options for caregivers -- and being able to communicate with others would be beneficial for you.

Since you have no friend or relatives close by, you should also ask if there is respite care available. If you take advantage of it occasionally, it might give you time to recharge and lessen your anxiety. Please consider it. My thoughts and prayers are with you during this difficult time.

DEAR ABBY: How do I get away from someone I don't care about? Anything I want to do, he doesn't want to do. He refused to go on vacation because of COVID, but he's going on a hunt later this year when COVID will still be around. When I was working, he would always want to go somewhere, but now that I'm not, he doesn't take me anywhere. What should I do? -- DISSATISFIED IN MISSOURI

DEAR DISSATISFIED: A surefire way to get away from someone you no longer care about is to tell the person, "It's over." If he asks you why, tell him he no longer meets your needs and goodbye. Period. No more discussion. If you are married to this person and economically dependent, find a job before consulting a lawyer.

DEAR ABBY: I recently received a formal invitation to a celebration of the marriage of a close friend and his deceased wife. What is the etiquette for gift-giving at such an event? Is one expected? If so, what's an appropriate gift? -- UNSURE GIFT-GIVER

DEAR UNSURE: Your letter is a first. May I be frank? Sending formal invitations to celebrate a wedding anniversary in which one spouse is dead strikes me as macabre. My inclination would be to send my regrets, but if you feel obligated to send something, a picture frame might be appropriate.