DEAR ABBY: My husband was forced into sex at the age of 12 by an older female. He has expressed how humiliated he felt and that he made it his mission to never feel inadequate again. He gets his "knowledge" of satisfying a woman through porn. I have tried to explain to him that what he's seeing is only a performance put on for the male viewer.

I have tried more than once to show him what really makes a woman "tick," but he insists I don't know what I'm talking about and that I'm lying to him! I have tried every gentle approach to avoid hurting his feelings. I know from family members' comments about his bedroom having been a "revolving door" for women that he probably didn't use much discernment in his past.

How can I move forward when I feel like he's stuck in the past? I know being sexually abused causes all kinds of trauma. He insists he's over it, but his actions tell me otherwise. I'm pretty sure I'm not his first unsatisfied partner because all his other relationships have ended because they were "crazy, stupid, fat, unfaithful ..." I don't want to give up on him. Please help. -- PATIENT WIFE IN FLORIDA

DEAR WIFE: Talking to your husband must be like talking to a wall. Solid marriages are built on trust and good communication, and your husband seems capable of neither. I admire your perseverance. The fact that he may have never had counseling to deal with what he went through as a child is regrettable. It could help even now.

A licensed sex therapist might be able to help your husband see that you are not lying to him when you tell him that what pleases one woman might not please another. If you can't make him understand what makes you "tick," then cross your fingers and hope the therapist can get the message across.

DEAR ABBY: My 40-year-old nephew, "Randy," hasn't spoken with his sister, "Elyse," in five years because of a disagreement about the resolution of their father's trust. When they visited me four years ago, he wouldn't speak to her.

Elyse and her husband later announced they were adopting a baby. Randy visited me alone six months later, and I suggested, without success, that he put this aside until after the adoption. During the adoption, she became pregnant and had a second child. Randy still hasn't seen or talked with her or his niece and nephew. Our relationship has deteriorated since.

Randy and Elyse tried a mediator last year, again without success. (I should mention he doesn't speak with his mother, either.) He has dodged any further discussion about the situation. I'm at a loss. We were all so close, and I miss him, but I can't accept his actions anymore. Any suggestions? -- UNCLE IN PAIN

DEAR UNCLE: In some families, blood is thicker than water. Your nephew appears to feel that money is thicker than blood. As much as you might wish to do it, you can't change him. Because his unwillingness to relent is causing you pain, limit your interactions with him and maintain your relationship with Elyse, the children and Randy's mother.

DEAR ABBY: I got pregnant at 15 and had my oldest daughter at 16. I met my husband at 18, and went on to have four more daughters. I have been with him for more than 30 years (I just turned 49).

My girls are living their own lives now. The thing is, now that I'm alone with my husband, I have come to discover that we have nothing in common. I want to leave him, but I have no money, no car and no job. I have become someone I never thought I would become -- alone with no life!

My husband ignores me and drinks a lot. When we visit family, it's a free-for-all drunk fest for him. I just don't have the energy at my age to deal with a drunk. I dealt all my life with an alcoholic father and I don't want to do it anymore. How do I begin to rebuild my life and start over? I really need to do this for myself. -- AT A CROSSROADS IN OHIO

DEAR AT A CROSSROADS: I agree that rebuilding your life is something you need to do for yourself. The surest way to accomplish it would be to get a job. This may eventually equip you to survive on your own. If you need transportation, ask your daughters for help, or take public transportation.

If you prefer not to attend "family" gatherings, have your husband go alone. Your father's alcoholism may have contributed to the fact that you married someone with an alcohol problem, thinking it was "normal." If that's the case, consider finding a nearby chapter of Al-Anon (al-anon.org/info) or Adult Children of Alcoholics and Dysfunctional Families (adultchildren.org) and attend some of the meetings. They are sometimes held online, so you could do it on a computer, if necessary. I wish you luck on your journey.

DEAR ABBY: I am a widow with three serious illnesses, one of which is potentially deadly. I hesitate to confide in some of my friends because the majority of them go into a litany of their illnesses. For the most part, their ailments are common and require just a small change in diet or perhaps losing some weight. What makes it uncomfortable for me is they act like they are in a life-threatening situation, which they aren't.

I find it increasingly difficult to empathize with their common colds, achy joints, etc. How can I explain to these folks how much they upset me? For the most part, they are good people, just very self-centered. -- CHALLENGED IN NEW HAMPSHIRE

DEAR CHALLENGED: It may be unrealistic to expect friends who don't know about your serious medical conditions to empathize with you or stop complaining about their aches and pains. Rather than say their complaints are annoying, tell them the truth about what's going on with you. After that, try to remember that regardless of how minor, every person's health challenges are important to them, even if on the grand scale of things they don't seem that way to you.

DEAR ABBY: I have had an older man as a roommate for two months now. He's very kind and intelligent. He also has dementia. I didn't realize it when he moved in. He's estranged from his family, although I know of a few people he does talk to on the phone.

As his condition worsens, so does his memory and his ability to understand simple explanations. I'm afraid that, as this continues, I'll be obligated to take care of him. I am not capable of doing it, nor do I desire to. I don't know how to handle this because I have asked him previously whom I should contact "in case of emergency" and got no reply. Help, please. -- UNEQUIPPED IN FLORIDA

DEAR UNEQUIPPED: Initiating a conversation with your roommate about your concerns is critical, particularly while he is in early stages of dementia. Be open and honest about your capabilities and find out what his plans are for long-term care as his dementia progresses. Ask if his friends or family know about his dementia and if they are part of his care team.

Stress to him the importance of making future care plans now, while he has a voice and control over these decisions. As his dementia progresses, these decisions will become increasingly difficult, and left undone, others might have to make decisions for him. While it's important for you to press for answers to these important questions, try to be supportive. Your roommate may be having trouble coming to grips with his dementia. Fear, anxiety or even anger may be preventing him from taking steps to address it.

The Alzheimer's Association website (alz.org) is a valuable resource for people living with the disease, as well as for their families and care partners. Those in early stages of the disease can find help there, including access to local support groups and care resources. It also has a free 24/7 Helpline (1-800-272-3900) that provides reliable information and guidance for all who need support navigating their personal experiences with Alzheimer's or another dementia.

DEAR ABBY: I have been married for 32 years. Back in the mid-1990s, my husband cheated on me. A little over a year ago the woman he cheated with reached out to me via social media to apologize. She said she is now sober, has found religion and is trying to mend her wrongdoings. I never responded to her because I didn't know what to say. I don't hate her, but in my mind, if I say I forgive you, it's like I'm agreeing with what she did -- and I don't. How do you tell someone you don't forgive them? -- APOLOGY NOT ACCEPTED

DEAR A.N.A.: Nothing requires you to say anything to the woman. However, if you decide to break your silence, the comment you made in your letter, "I don't hate you, but in my mind, if I say I forgive you, it's like I'm agreeing with what you did -- and I don't," would suffice. It's succinct, polite and conveys your feelings accurately. But don't hold onto the grudge, because it is not healthy -- for you.