DEAR ABBY: My husband and I are in our 40s. Last year, we decided to make a very big change in our lives. We decided to seek out a second wife (sister wife) for my husband. I was completely on board with it at first. He reached out to a woman he knew years ago and asked if she would consider joining our family. However, I started getting this feeling that she wasn't the right woman to bring into our family. She ignored many of my in-depth questions about why she wanted to live this type of life.
I have expressed to my husband that I no longer want her in my life and it has reached the point that I no longer want to live a plural lifestyle. I felt bad that I'm the one who changed my mind, so I agreed to allow them to continue a relationship -- as long as they keep me out of it, and he keeps her out of my home and my life.
I don't understand how he can continue living this way, living two separate lives and be OK with it. We've been together more than 20 years and I don't want to leave, but how can I continue loving a man with my whole heart and soul when he only loves me with part of his? -- SISTER WIFE
DEAR WIFE: Relationships such as you describe can work out when all three of the parties involved feel they are equally valued. Some women tolerate their husband having someone "on the side" because they derive some benefit beyond the emotional connection one associates with marriage. That said, in the final analysis, the only person who can answer the question you're asking me is you.