DEAR ABBY: My husband is retired from the military and living with a mental illness caused by a traumatic brain injury. As a result, he's disabled. We have four children. Over the years, he has developed an extreme sense of financial entitlement. Although I'm responsible for our finances, I cannot control his spending.

His compulsions include luxury coffee, fast food and "medical" marijuana, which cost hundreds every month, yet he complains when money is tight. Last week he lashed out, saying, "I hate that everything has to go through you," as if I am the reason we don't have more spending money.

Money is scarce and our children are going without things they need. I'm always fighting for his respect, decency and self-control. I feel frustrated, exhausted and lost. Advice, please? -- ANGERED IN ARKANSAS

DEAR ANGERED: I wish I could wave a magic wand and make your very real problem disappear. Because I can't, you are going to have to step up yet again and impress upon your husband that while you are sad that he regards what you are doing for your family as "controlling," your children's needs must come before his own. By that I mean, he should treat "luxury coffee" as a luxury and buy it no more than X times a week, ditto for fast food and his "medical" marijuana.

If he needs more pharmaceutical support for his stress, he should address it to his doctor (at the VA, I assume). Make clear that you cannot carry more of the load, and that you are not the cause of the financial stress. Circumstances are to blame for that, and he cannot continue to kick his golden goose or he will kill it.

DEAR ABBY: My mother, who lives with me, insists on keeping her window open several inches year-round. While I don't mind so much in the winter because I know she tends to run hot, we clash in the summer because I need the windows and doors closed so I can run the air conditioning to optimal efficiency. She thinks keeping her window open is cooling her bedroom off and doesn't understand what the problem is if she keeps her door to the rest of the house shut.

This issue has caused major arguments because it's making my AC unit work harder than it needs to, not to mention I have allergies and my doctor has told me to keep the air on all summer long. This is a ranch-style home, and the temperature is kept at 70 degrees.

I don't want to fight with her, but I feel disrespected since this is my house and she blatantly disregards my requests. Am I overreacting? Or does she need to be respectful of my home? -- TEMPERATURE RISING IN OHIO

DEAR T.R.I.O.: You aren't overreacting. Let's get down to basics. Whose house is it? It is yours. When you lived in your mother's home, she made the rules and you had to abide by them. If keeping her bedroom windows ajar is "making your air conditioner work harder," then it's likely adding to your electric bill, which is disrespectful, inconsiderate and bad manners. If she can't adjust, she should contribute toward the extra cost of air conditioning.

DEAR ABBY: I lost your cookbooklet collection! My family and I have really enjoyed some of those recipes. I have loved all the ones I have tried, but my favorites are the desserts. Particularly noteworthy is your Peanut Butter Pie. It is yummy! Please let me know how I can order the booklets again. I need them because I'm having a family celebration for Father's Day. -- SWEET TOOTH IN PHOENIX

DEAR SWEET TOOTH: You and I have something in common –- our affinity for desserts. I have made the Peanut Butter Pie for guests many times, and it has been well received. The last time I prepared it, I thought I'd try to "de-calorie" it. I drained some nonfat yogurt in cheesecloth until it thickened and substituted it for the cream cheese. It worked beautifully. My guests couldn't tell the difference. For readers who might like to try it, here's the original recipe:

HEAVENLY PEANUT BUTTER PIE

CRUST:

2 cups graham cracker crumbs

1/4 cup butter (1/2 cube), melted

2 oz. semi-sweet chocolate, grated

FILLING: 1 cup crunchy peanut butter

1 pkg. (8 oz.) cream cheese, softened

2 teaspoons butter, softened

1 cup sugar

1 teaspoon vanilla

1/2 cup miniature chocolate chips

1/2 cup salted peanuts (optional)

1 pkg. (8 oz.) frozen whipped topping, thawed

In medium bowl, combine cracker crumbs, butter and chocolate; mix well. Reserve 1/4 cup crumb mixture to use as garnish. Press remaining crumb mixture onto bottom and sides of 9-inch pie plate. Chill.

In large bowl, beat together peanut butter, cream cheese and butter. Add sugar and vanilla. Blend well.

Stir in chocolate chips and peanuts. Fold in whipped topping. Pour into chilled crust and garnish with reserved crumb mixture. Chill overnight.

Serves: 8 disciplined people.

My cookbooklet set contains more than 100 tasty recipes for soups, salads, appetizers, main courses and, of course, desserts for special occasions. Order by sending your name and address, plus check or money order for $16 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mt. Morris, IL 61054. Shipping and handling are included in the price.

I'm proud to say that some of the recipes included have won blue ribbons in country fairs, while others were featured on the cover of women's magazines. But whether your entertaining is formal or casual, remember it's who you put in the chairs in addition to the food that makes a great party.

DEAR ABBY: My daughter's boyfriend recently stayed at our home for eight days. He's 50; we are in our 60s. He regarded "help yourself" to mean it was OK to drink our liquor from early afternoon to bedtime. How can we have some control over this situation without causing a scene? -- BAR'S CLOSED IN NORTH CAROLINA

DEAR BAR'S CLOSED: Put a lock on the cabinet where you stow your liquor, or move it out of the house entirely when you know he's planning a return visit. And while you're at it, have a serious conversation with your daughter about her boyfriend's insatiable appetite for alcohol, because it could have a negative impact on her future.

DEAR ABBY: For a few years, I volunteered to tend to an elderly woman through a hospice organization. My role was to visit with her while her son ran errands or enjoyed an evening of entertainment. I grew fond of her and her family.

For my 70th birthday, her daughter, son and daughter-in-law hosted an at-home dinner in my honor. It was good fun. In addition to a tasty dinner and homemade birthday cake, there were presents: wine, gag wine glass and a birthday card with a gift card enclosed. The wine is long gone, and I have used the wine glass ever since.

I left the gift card in the birthday card and set it aside. I recently wanted to buy a $20 coffee mug online, so I pulled out the gift card and was shocked to see the value of the card is almost four times more than the mug I fancied. I feel the gift is too much. How do I gracefully return the very generous gift? -- OVERWHELMED IN WASHINGTON

DEAR OVERWHELMED: Your heart is in the right place, but please do not reject that family's gift of gratitude for what you did for their mother -- and for them -- during a difficult time. To do otherwise would be a breach of etiquette. Your acts of kindness are worth every penny, and you are deserving of what was given to you.

DEAR ABBY: This is not a big drama, but I think that if someone wants to give out my email address, they should first ask me for permission. I just received an email from an acquaintance telling me they had given out my email and THEN asking me if that was OK. No, it wasn't! Abby, I'm not in witness protection, but my email address is private. Am I crazy? -- CRANKY ON LONG ISLAND

DEAR CRANKY: Crazy? Not at all. What your nervy acquaintance did was breach whatever privacy is left in our society these days, which was thoughtless, rude and inexcusable.