DEAR ABBY: I met a man, "Gabe," 30 years ago. We had a very good time together. We dated some and even traveled occasionally. I liked him a lot but, when we met, I was divorced and looking for marriage. He was not. I moved for my job, and met and married someone else. Gabe did call to keep in touch for several years, but the calls stopped. I never forgot him.

My husband passed away four years ago, and then COVID hit. Feeling the loneliness of lockdown, I wrote letters to people I hadn't heard from in years. Gabe's was one such letter. He called me after he received it, and we reconnected. We have enjoyed each other's company off and on since then.

I would love to have a deeper relationship with him. Unfortunately, he regards me as nothing more than a friend. He is intelligent, quick-witted, well-traveled and still very handsome. I enjoy his company very much. I've wanted to tell him how I feel, but I don't want to jeopardize what we have together. So here I am, now in my 60s, feeling lost and not knowing how to handle my desire to be with him. What do you think? -- LONG HISTORY IN FLORIDA

DEAR HISTORY: If you are looking for more than you already have with Gabe, you are wasting your time. Gabe is satisfied with the relationship just as it is. If he wasn't, believe me, he would have mentioned it. If what you need is someone to "nest" with, you will have to look elsewhere. Sorry, he isn't it.

DEAR ABBY: I am contemplating asking my wife for a divorce. Her 86-year-old mother lives with us. After she moved in, I quickly realized that her mother is a bigot, nosy and has little to no respect for my wife. I could go on and on. Agreeing to her mother moving in was the worst mistake of my life. I avoid her like the plague now.

I can work from home full time, but prefer to drive 75 miles a day to get out of the house. Her mother needs more care now than can be provided at home. However, my wife wants to bring someone in a few days a week, since I no longer work from home. She's just delaying the inevitable.

I believe her mother is more important to her than I am and, if that's the case, I can't change her mind. Aside from this, we have a great marriage. I don't want to lose what I have, but I am prepared to walk away. Advice? -- HATES THE HOUSEGUEST

DEAR HATES: I do have some. If assisted living is in your mother-in-law's future, it would be kinder to have her take up residency soon, while she's capable of adjusting to it rather than postponing it until there is an emergency. You are long overdue for a frank and not very pleasant conversation with your wife about how you feel you rank on her list of priorities. Feeling as you do, it may be your only chance of saving your marriage.

DEAR ABBY: My fiance, "Rowan," and I are getting married this year. It is my second marriage and his first. Rowan has a young son I'll call "Sean" from a previous relationship. I have a good relationship with Sean, and expressed to Rowan that I'd love to include Sean on our honeymoon, so we can have a proper first family vacation. (Rowan's custody agreement states that no unmarried parties may live together when their child is present in the home.)

Rowan was enthusiastic about it, since I'll finally be able to have proper bonding time with Sean in a home environment overnight. But when I bring this up with anyone else, they say I am selfish for wanting to play "Mom" and include my soon-to-be stepson on a vacation that's supposed to be for just me and my fiance.

We want to share this time with his son and have a fun family vacation. Are we doing the wrong thing? Should we leave Sean out? Why, with so many different family dynamics, is wanting to include Rowan's son regarded as selfish? -- UNSELFISH IN THE SOUTH

DEAR UNSELFISH: You and Rowan should listen to your hearts instead of listening to unsolicited advice. Wanting to include Sean on the trip is the opposite of selfish, and it is your and your fiance's privilege to decide.

DEAR ABBY: My husband's daughter has decided that her children should not call me "Grandma," because I'm not their biological grandmother. She says her mother is their grandma and not me, even though her father and I have been together since before the birth of her children.

Eight years later, she told them not to call me Grandma. I am so hurt about it I can no longer bring myself to go over to their house. Please tell me how I can deal with being so blatantly disrespected by my husband's daughter. I seem to be good only for birthday presents and Christmas gifts. -- SLIGHTED IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR SLIGHTED: I subscribe to the philosophy that the more love there is in this world, the better. I would take it a step further and add that the more loving grandparents there are in a child's life, the better. Your stepdaughter's announcement to the children at this late date that you are not their grandmother seems spiteful and hurtful. That said, there's nothing positive to be gained by shunning the children if you love them. What they call you is less important than the relationship you have with them. If you continue staying away as you have been doing, you will only drive a deeper wedge between you.

DEAR ABBY: Last year my mother passed away after a 15-year battle with lung cancer. When I tell people she died, I am not bothered if they ask what she died from. However, more often than not, when they learn she died of lung cancer, they proceed to ask me if she ever smoked. It's so upsetting! Why would they ask this? Because she got what she deserved if she did?

Without answering their rude question, I explain that my mother had a rare, slow-growing type of cancer that afflicts nonsmokers (which is true). Am I overreacting to this insensitive question, or is there something I'm missing? And is there a better way to answer so that people realize it doesn't matter?

P.S. I would normally call my mother with questions like this. -- MOTHERLESS DAUGHTER

DEAR MOTHERLESS: Please accept my deepest sympathy for the loss of your mother. People ask this question for a variety of reasons. Curiosity is one of them. However, I think there's also an element of fear involved -- was this the death of an innocent, or did the person do something to bring it on? Because lung cancer is linked so strongly to smoking and secondhand smoke, people often forget that nonsmokers can get it -- including individuals who work around asbestos.

While I understand why you would be especially sensitive to the question, I think you should answer it honestly. If you do, you might educate the asker. I can't guarantee that your mother would advise you to do it but, from my heart, I suggest you do.

DEAR ABBY: I have been in a long-distance relationship with my boyfriend for four years. He works for a company that takes him all over the country. We see each other sometimes once a month for three to five days. Other times we don't see each other for two months. He is 62, and I'm 55. He has looked for a job in my hometown, but never gets an interview, probably because of his age. I have a stable job with retirement benefits that I cannot leave.

I have broken up with him several times, but we always get back together. He is kind and treats me well. I worry I won't find that again, but I'm tired of doing things by myself. I have often asked him what the future holds for us, and he can never give me an answer.

Because he doesn't have retirement benefits, he will have to work until he can get on Medicare. I can't wait three more days much less three more years. I guess I'm asking you what should I do. I worry about being alone but, in reality, I am already alone. -- ANXIOUS IN ARIZONA

DEAR ANXIOUS: Because your gentleman friend can never give you a straight answer when you ask what the future holds for the two of you, you are right -- you ARE alone. You didn't mention whether you and this man love each other or if you are seeing other people, but I'm advising you to leave your options open, because there are no guarantees as far as your boyfriend is concerned.

DEAR READERS: I wish a very Happy Mother's Day to mothers everywhere -- birth mothers, adoptive and foster mothers, stepmothers, grandmothers who are raising their grandchildren, and dual-role dads. Orchids to all of you for the love you give not only today, but each and every day. -- LOVE, ABBY