DEAR ABBY: My husband and I divorced when our only son was 3. We had joint custody. Our marriage ended because of his binge drinking, secrecy, verbal abuse and one incident of domestic violence. At 14, my son chose to live with his father.
His dad and stepmother have now alienated him from me. He's 30 now and has had problems abusing alcohol and marijuana. When I see him, there is always underlying hostility. I love and fear for him, as any mother would.
I attend Al-Anon meetings and have made myself geographically available to him over the last eight years. He visits briefly, once or twice every six months. I have offered to go to counseling with him. He has a counselor but never invites me to come. I would pay for one, but my son says he's too busy to do more. Should I just give up? I'm afraid of letting go, but emotionally drained from the struggle. -- MOM WITH A BREAKING HEART
DEAR MOM: You have done everything you can to repair the tie that was broken so long ago. You can't fix what's wrong with your son. Whatever problems there were in the past, you have tried to deal with them the best you could. There is a saying in AA, "Let go and let God." For the sake of your own emotional well-being, it is time to do that.