DEAR ABBY: My sister and I have a close but complicated relationship. She has always embellished stories about me when she's talking to others, and most of the time they portray me in a bad light. I usually ignore them when they get back to me, because I choose to pick my battles with her.

In the past when I confronted her, she has blown up at me, accused me of being the liar and stopped speaking to me for long periods of time. I value our relationship too much to let it be permanent, so I'm the one who always breaks the ice and tries to resolve things. She has never taken the first step to make amends.

Recently she suffered a traumatic brain injury and, although she's doing well, her "embellishments" have become worse. They have reached the point that other people are questioning me and my motives. I have not confronted her about it since her brain injury because I'm unsure if her behavior has worsened due to her health issues. Some of her personality traits have become amplified since the injury, and I don't know if this is another one.

I don't want to hurt our relationship if this is something that cannot be resolved because of her injury. Should I confront her, or remain quiet and maintain our relationship? -- COMPLICATED IN THE WEST

DEAR COMPLICATED: If confronting your obviously troubled sibling would fix the situation, I'd advise you to do it. But her pattern is to blow up at you, accuse you of lying, not speak to you and not change her ways. Why you would want a "close relationship" with someone like this is mystifying, because the closer you are to her, the more ammunition she has to slander you.

My advice is to distance yourself, and if you hear that she has been telling more lies about you, to give the person a sad smile and say, "You know, my poor sister has had a traumatic brain injury." Period.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 60-year-old man with an information technology background. I have recently been offered paid commercial driver's license training, which entails a good year of coast-to-coast driving. This pays a lot of money, but my mother is dead set against it, probably because it will mean less time to spend with her. My brother lives two hours away and visits her perhaps monthly, whereas I visit twice a week.

I have little desire to continue in IT, but I'm not ready to call it quits. I'm getting a lot of pushback here, including unrealistic suggestions for local employment. How can I manage these conflicting pressures? -- CHOICES IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR CHOICES: If the only thing keeping you from broadening your work experience by getting that commercial driver's license is your mother's objection because you won't be able to visit her twice a week -- and her health is good -- it's time to decide what would make more sense for your future.

Because her suggestions for local employment are unrealistic, this may be the time to start planning for your long-term financial future. Long-haul trucking may be your most realistic option at this point. Talk to your mother before you make your final decision, to make sure she has an adequate support system in place.

DEAR ABBY: I've been going out with this guy for a couple of months. The problem is, he has to ALWAYS talk to every woman he sees -- from a two-second conversation to a several-minute conversation. He doesn't even know 99% of them.

When we go to a store, I feel like I'm invisible. He'll walk away from me and start talking to women. I don't trust him completely because sometimes he flirts or says something that could be taken in a sexual way, and I worry that one of these women could take it like he's interested in her.

I don't want to break up with him. I love him. But I feel I have reason to be jealous. I wish I was the only girl for him. Please give me advice. -- NOT NUMBER ONE IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR NOT NUMBER ONE: If you have discussed this with him and it persists, listen to your intuition. If he loved you, he would not be chatting up other women. If a man makes you feel like you are not No. 1, get rid of him before he destroys your self-esteem.

DEAR ABBY: We have a neighbor who likes to go out with us to the casinos, restaurants and various other places. This is doing her a favor, but she never contributes toward the transportation. When we go out with other couples, we alternate driving or help to pay for fuel. All we get from her is, "Thank you. Let me know when you're going next time."

I know she reads your column. I hope she reads this and realizes this sounds like her and takes the hint. What do you think is the best way to handle this situation? -- ALWAYS THE TAXI

DEAR ALWAYS: Your friend may be an avid "Dear Abby" reader, but what if -- heaven forbid -- she misses the column today and doesn't see your letter? The "best" way to handle this would be for you to take the bull by the horns and address the problem directly with her.

DEAR ABBY: My 4-year-old grandson, "Johnny," is obsessed with all things military. Everything he picks up is a pretend gun, sword or blaster. I know we played cowboys and Indians as kids, pointing sticks or our hands and shouting "Pow! You're dead!" and none of us turned into shooters. But today's climate is more violent. Johnny has already gotten into trouble at preschool for pointing and making shooting noises. Is there anything we can do to discourage this behavior? Does he need professional help? -- UNCLEAR IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR UNCLEAR: Because Johnny has gotten into trouble for pretending to play with guns, his parents should explain to him why it is not OK to do that at school. Unless there is something going on with your grandson that you omitted from your letter, he should not need professional intervention for acting like a normal boy.

DEAR ABBY: During my teenage years, I was repeatedly raped by my brother. The emotional and physical damage has left my life broken. He is now in a long-term relationship. Should I tell his girlfriend about the abuse? When I confronted him about it years ago, he denied it. If you were his girlfriend, wouldn't you want to know? -- HOLDING A SECRET

DEAR HOLDING: Yes, I would want to know. I'll bet your parents would have also wanted to know. As would your teachers or school counselors, so your brother could have been reported as a sexual predator and stopped. By all means tell the girlfriend, particularly if she has a daughter.

P.S. Because what your brother did has left lasting scars, please seek counseling with a licensed therapist with expertise in treating victims of sexual abuse. Contact RAINN (Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network) for more guidance. You will find it on the internet at rainn.org.

DEAR ABBY: I have just been diagnosed with cancer. I doubt that I will live another 10 years. My wife is arguing with me because I want to draw down my 401(k) over the next 10 years so I can enjoy the savings I have accrued during my long career. We are talking about a LOT of money, Abby -- expensive cars, expensive second homes, extravagant vacations.

How can I convince her that I deserve this after having worked for 40 years, and that we should enjoy these savings for the period of time left for me on Earth? -- WANTS TO ENJOY LIFE NOW

DEAR WANTS: I'm sure your diagnosis has been frightening for both you and your wife. She may be worried that if you plow through all the money, there will be nothing left for her after you are gone. Although you are dubious about it, there is also the possibility that you may live 10 more years and beyond. That's why this is an important subject you and your wife should discuss with a financial adviser.

DEAR ABBY: I work in an office where people occasionally bring in treats to share with co-workers. Usually, we place the goodies in a common area and let others know there's food available and they're welcome to it.

The problem I'm having is that one particular co-worker brings in treats and shares them only with her favorite office buddies. She's not discreet about it either. She struts around the office and makes a big scene delivering her homemade treats to her friends, right in front of the people she has chosen not to include. Should she be confronted and told she's being rude and inconsiderate, or should her behavior just be ignored? -- MISSING OUT

DEAR MISSING OUT: What your co-worker is doing is rude. This is a lesson in politeness and consideration for others that children in grammar school usually learn. (Perhaps she was playing hooky that day.) That said, if there's no rule in your office against it, I do not advise confronting her. Turnabout is fair play, and perhaps you should discuss a "delicious" solution with the rest of the unfavored few.