DEAR ABBY: I'm a gay man who has been in an on-again/off-again relationship for three years. My partner still lives at home with his mother. He has never left the home, aside from a four-month period when he and his mom weren't getting along.
My issue is, aside from never fully committing, my partner, "Damien," seems to always find a way to abandon me when I hit a rough patch. I lose my job and I'm low on money? He yells at me and leaves. And he manages to not return until I'm "back on my feet."
When the coronavirus hit and I had all my bills paid but nothing to eat, I finally had to say, "Hey, can you get me something?" We go to a burger place, the line's long and he complains nonstop about the wait. We leave and go to my place to hang out. Then he leaves and calls me and talks about what he's going to eat. I hang up.
Before, when I was homeless, even though he doesn't have a place of his own, he never offered any help. If I say, "I know you're really guarded with your money," he becomes enraged. And when he hears about my difficulties, he talks down to me and mocks the situation I am in. He attributes his never leaving home to his family helping him and caring about him. The fact that I'm not in a situation like his implies my family doesn't care. Can you help? -- A LOT WRONG IN TEXAS
DEAR A LOT WRONG: I'll try. It's time you recognized that Damien is NOT your "partner." Partners help each other when they are in trouble. The sooner you lose this person, the sooner you will start to feel better. Damien is all about Damien. His character is fully formed. You can't change him, and neither can I. Leaving Damien may help you become more independent -- and that's a good thing. Trust me on that.