DEAR ABBY: I just found out my husband has been looking at escorts in the local area. I know he has watched porn, but that never bothered me. When I confronted him about seeing his search for escorts, he said he just clicked on a link that popped up on a porn site. (I have seen them, so I know it can happen.)

However, I now know he created another email address and joined an escort review site. I can't say anything to him because I snooped on his phone. I'm heartbroken and want to believe him, but this is too much. Please help me. -- NERVOUS IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR NERVOUS: First things first. Call your doctor and make an appointment to be checked for STDs. Next, because you know your husband hasn't been truthful, do more "snooping." Learn everything you can about your family finances (if you don't already know) -- the debts and assets, credit card expenses, bank account numbers, etc.

Once you have that information and there will be no surprises, tell your husband you checked his phone and why you felt the need to do it. Do not allow him to make you feel guilty. Ask him what he is getting from escorts that he isn't getting from you, and if the only answer he can come up with is "variety," talk to a lawyer because your exclusive marital relationship is history.

DEAR ABBY: Our son "Leo," 24, has bipolar/schizoaffective disorder. He is single, lives 2,000 miles from us and is homeless. He refuses treatment.

I see him about every three months when I go and find him. His relationship with his dad, my husband, is not good. My husband has made many approaches to Leo, but our son rejects him.

My husband told me that when he dies, I should not say anything to Leo, and he wants me to agree on that. I agreed, but I think that is too hard. Do you think my husband is right on that request? -- PROBLEM FAMILY IN PUERTO RICO

DEAR PROBLEM FAMILY: Yes, I do. Your husband is being realistic, having made repeated approaches to Leo and being rejected. When he's gone, your son won't miss him, so please respect your husband's wishes if it will bring him peace of mind.

DEAR ABBY: I hosted a dinner party at my home and invited three longtime friends. They had been drinking before they came over and showed up drunk. My husband and I were highly offended and told them to leave. I'm extremely upset about this because I found it very disrespectful. How should I resolve the issue? -- INCONSIDERATE IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR INCONSIDERATE: You and your husband were certainly within your rights to react as you did. Cross your fingers that your friends were able to return safely to their homes in the condition they were in.

How you should resolve the issue depends upon whether this is the only time it happened. If they aren't habitual problem drinkers and it was a one-time thing, be forgiving when they call to apologize. However, if you don't hear from them, there will be nothing to resolve.

DEAR ABBY: We get our children and grandchildren together twice a year. Our oldest daughter is divorced and, unfortunately, has a significant other the rest of our family cannot stand. He's an arrogant, competitive know-it-all.

We have been around him only twice -- the last two times the family got together. The second time was a disaster for the rest of us. Should we tell her we don't want to invite him this year, and how do we say it? Or should we not tell her? -- TENTATIVE IN FLORIDA

DEAR TENTATIVE: Talk to your daughter about this. When you do, have handy a list of the ways he offended your family members at the gathering. Her significant other may be so self-centered he doesn't realize he's being obnoxious.

Ask her to ask him to dial back his need to compete, impress, cover for his own insecurity -- whatever drives him. Then give him one more chance. If that fails, do not invite him again, and tell her why. You can always see your daughter separately, I assume, and so can her siblings.

DEAR ABBY: I had a relationship with a wonderful woman for almost six years. During the course of our relationship, I purchased a rather expensive precious stone -- exactly what she wanted -- with the intent of giving it to her as a promise ring. (Neither of us are fans of the institution of marriage.) We have since gone our separate ways, but we still communicate.

Because it was purchased for her, I am tempted to give her the stone. At the same time, I have entertained the notion of keeping it and giving it to my future life partner, should I meet someone I care for that deeply. Your guidance would be greatly appreciated. -- ROMANCING THE STONE

DEAR ROMANCING: Promise rings symbolize the promise of a proposal of marriage. In the case of your former girlfriend, it didn't pan out. Because the two of you still communicate, why not mention to her that you have the stone and ask if she would like to have it. If she says no, you can always offer it to someone else, although I can't promise the lady will be eager to receive a souvenir of a failed relationship.

DEAR ABBY: A friend of mine has a 70-pound dog that behaves badly. When I visit her, it sprints out of the front door, barking, and jumps on my car. It has left 3 1/2-inch-long deep scratches on two of my vehicles. She yells at it, and eventually the dog stops, but not before jumping on me and leaving me muddied and snagged.

This friend is due to have a baby, and I am sure she will be inviting me over to meet the baby soon. How can I avoid further damage to my car and clothing without damaging my friendship? -- ASSAULTED IN AUSTIN

DEAR ASSAULTED: The obvious answer is to find the courage to tell your friend you are willing to visit only if she confines her dog so it won't cause further damage to you and your property. And while you are at it, mention that you are concerned about her baby's safety. Her dog's lack of discipline poses a distinct danger to her defenseless and vulnerable little one.

DEAR ABBY: I just got engaged, and I couldn't be happier. But my fiance is referred to by the entire town as the "bad guy" because of his past. He's changed a lot, and I really want this to work out, but people come to me and say he's not marriage material, and they try to make us break up (one of his exes in particular).

He told me about his past, and I don't judge him for it because everyone has a past. He really wants to get married. How can we have a wedding without everyone knowing about it, especially our family? -- MARRIAGE-BOUND IN WEST VIRGINIA

DEAR MARRIAGE-BOUND: If the whole town -- including your family -- thinks that marrying your fiance is a bad idea, it may be time to hit the pause button. Marriage is something you want to do only once. The chances of it being successful will be better if you don't go rushing off to the altar.

Make your engagement long enough that your fiance has time to prove to your parents and the community that he is a changed man. No one can "make" you break up, but it would be in your interest to listen to those exes (including the one in particular) and compare what each has to say. If the stories they each tell are similar, it may be your Mr. Right is the wrong man for you.

DEAR ABBY: My confident 17-year-old daughter had an uncomfortable experience today, and when she shared it, I didn't have answers for her. She was waiting outside a take-out place when she was approached by a grandfatherly man. He started chatting with her about her shoes, but proceeded to stare at her legs. He then loudly announced, "I may be 80 years old, but I can appreciate a great pair of legs!"

She understands that there are generational differences and that he may have intended it as a compliment, but the blatant staring made her feel objectified, uncomfortable and unsafe. It also made her question her (very appropriate for a teenager) outfit.

What should we have said to her? She was disgusted and upset, but my husband and I had no words of wisdom. -- MOM WITHOUT ANSWERS

DEAR MOM: You should have thanked your daughter for telling you and validated her feelings about the incident because her instincts were 100% accurate. The individual who harassed her -- and that is what it was -- was out of line and extremely inappropriate.

DEAR ABBY: My husband of 30 years, whom I love dearly, has started singing all the time. I mean ALL THE TIME. If he's not on the phone or involved in a TV show or conversation (and sometimes when he is), he's singing the same few songs over and over, and not well. I don't feel I have a right to ask him to stop. What should I do? -- KARAOKE ALL DAY

DEAR KARAOKE: Tell your husband (sweetly) it's time to expand his repertoire because his playlist is getting repetitive. Good luck!