DEAR ABBY: I have been dating "James" for almost a year. Things have been rough for him recently. His depression has led to school attendance issues, but we got through it.

The problem is James' mother. She's well meaning, and she has always been incredibly sweet to me, but she has started texting and questioning me about how I am doing, regarding her son and the "trials" he brings to our relationship (or her perception of them). I appreciate her concern, but it makes me very uncomfortable.

Perhaps she asks out of concern for me, but it seems like she's trying to speak on his behalf or defend him somehow, which makes me feel awful. How can I explain to her that something which is meant to be as simple as "Are you doing OK?" is hurting me? -- TWISTED UP

DEAR TWISTED UP: If James' depression is severe enough that it is interfering with his education, his mother has a right to be concerned. She may be trying to assess its severity by reaching out to you. On the other hand, "How are you doing?" can be classified as an innocent question.

Because you are uncomfortable with the way these conversations are going, respond that you are fine and ask her how she is doing. You do not have to engage in conversations with anyone who makes you uncomfortable, and if someone ventures into sensitive territory, you have every right to say you prefer not to discuss it and change the subject. If she wants information about her son, the person she should be asking is him.

DEAR ABBY: My husband is still working, although he will retire in a few years. We have been in our home since 1987. It is comfortable, but it's too big for us and too much work now. Our grandkids live four hours away, and we are thinking about moving near them. My son's in-laws have already relocated from New York.

I am having terrible anxiety about leaving my home and our large lot, which is covered with beautiful trees in all seasons. We have looked at "over-55" communities, and the yards are small and treeless. I love my trees -- especially the magnolia my husband and sons planted many years ago. I also adore seeing all the birds and wildlife.

How do other relocators handle the move? I know I should focus on the positive aspects, such as getting rid of our clutter and being near the grands, but I'm having trouble with this. Help, please. -- GETTING READY IN GEORGIA

DEAR GETTING READY: I'm glad you wrote now, because you have lots of time to plan the move you are considering. If what you will miss the most about your home is the trees, perhaps the over-55 communities in the area to which you are relocating are not for you. Take some time, talk with a real estate agent and explore what smaller homes might be right for you. However, if an over-55 community is a must, perhaps you can find one that's near a park where you can go and enjoy the trees and wildlife.

As to the memories you will leave behind, you will always have them to look back on, and you will be creating new ones every day.

DEAR ABBY: I am married to a great man, but he's very tight with his money. We found out early in our relationship that we couldn't have a joint account because it caused so much fighting.

We share our bills, but I am broke all the time. I have credit card debt he doesn't know about. (He hates being in debt.) I have had a problem with credit cards before, and he threatened that if it happened again, we are done. How do I tell him I have more credit card debt without losing him? -- SWIMMING IN DEBT

DEAR SWIMMING: Go online and begin researching accredited or certified credit counselors. Make sure the one you choose is affiliated with the National Foundation for Credit Counseling (nfcc.org). While you're at it, get on the internet and locate the nearest chapter of Debtors Anonymous. It's a 12-step program group for individuals who cannot control their spending. You will find it at www.debtorsanonymous.org.

Because you are compulsive about abusing credit cards, prepare yourself for the fact that you may have to get rid of all of them. And when (not if) you inform your husband about what's been going on, be sure he knows you are willing to do that. I wish you luck and recovery.

DEAR ABBY: My first wife, "Charlene," died eight years ago from an accident caused by her diabetes. Six months after her funeral, I was introduced to a lovely woman and subsequently married her. When I told my former mother-in-law I had started seeing someone, she asked me to cease all contact with her and the rest of the family. I complied with her wish.

Since Charlene's death, I have kept her personal photo album. It contains pictures and memorabilia from when she was a child and teenager. I also have some afghans her grandmother made for her. I would like to return them to her parents, but I'm afraid of the potential pain it could cause.

I considered writing her mother a letter letting her know I have these things and would like to return them. I know there's really no way of easing into this. I'm pretty sure, however, that a mom would like to have her daughter's things. Your advice would be appreciated. -- TREADING LIGHTLY

DEAR TREADING: Because the items belonged to her daughter, box them up and send them to your ex-mother-in-law. And when you do, include a note explaining that you thought she would like to have them. Period.

DEAR ABBY: I read your column often, and it appears to me that if everyone would just take a few moments to step back and think, "What if someone said/did this to me? How would I feel?" the world would be a smidge kinder. What do you think? Is it that simple, or am I just simple-minded? -- PONDERING IN ALBUQUERQUE

DEAR PONDERING: You are not simple-minded. You are paraphrasing a variation of the Golden Rule, which is found in the Bible and has been preached from the pulpit since it was written. We need to apply it now more than ever. And yes, it is just that simple.

DEAR ABBY: My co-worker and supposed friend asked if she could borrow my wedding dress because she thought it was so beautiful. I was thrilled to lend it to her and paid for the alterations ($200 plus) as her wedding present. I accompanied her to her fittings and helped her plan her wedding for approximately 100 friends and family.

The kicker: My husband and I were not invited to the wedding, and when she returned my gown, it had lipstick on it and cake down the front. It wasn't even in a bag -- she just handed it to me. What should I think about this? -- FLABBERGASTED IN FLORIDA

DEAR FLABBERGASTED: You should conclude that your co-worker and "friend" is someone with no class whatsoever. Have the dress cleaned and packaged so it can be properly stored if you intend to keep it, and give her the bill. Then distance yourself far enough from this person that if she asks for any more favors, you can comfortably say no.

DEAR ABBY: I have been in a relationship with my girlfriend, who lives in her native Germany, for almost two years. We met online thanks to a mutual online friend of mine and school friend of hers.

My girlfriend struggles with her body image, and I'm not sure how to help other than call her beautiful often. She's thin and looks fine by "American standards," as she puts it, but for a German she is larger than most, which is why she thinks she's fat and ugly, despite the fact that she's slim and pretty. What would you suggest I do in order to help her improve her body image? -- SUPPORTIVE IN NEW HAMPSHIRE

DEAR SUPPORTIVE: Other than continuing to reassure her that in your eyes she's beautiful, there isn't much you can do long-distance. However, there is plenty she can do. She should discuss her fixation with a doctor who can explain what a healthy weight should be for someone her height and build. If her problem is all in her head, it's possible she needs counseling for body dysmorphia, a disorder in which people of normal weight are convinced they are heavy. It's not uncommon.

DEAR ABBY: I am going through a rough divorce. I'll spare you the details, but suffice it to say, I had to get an order of protection against my soon-to-be ex.

I originally intended to keep my husband's last name because we have a child together and I want my last name to be the same as my child's. The thing is, Abby, I'm so disgusted with his behavior that the thought of keeping his last name makes me sick to my stomach. What should I do? -- SINGLE SOON IN OHIO

DEAR SINGLE SOON: Many parents have different names than their children. If keeping your almost-ex-husband's last name makes you sick to your stomach now, in a few years you may have a major case of indigestion. Change your name when the divorce is final because the longer you wait to do it, the more complicated it may become.