DEAR ABBY: I have been married to my husband for five years. He's the man of my dreams, and we have a wonderful marriage. Recently we learned that his ex-wife -- to whom he was married for 20 years -- has been diagnosed with a life-threatening cancer. They have two adult children together.

I have never questioned my husband's love or devotion to me. What's bothering me is his reaction to the news. They had a horrible relationship and never got along, but he is very upset over this. I'm not sure how to handle this. I don't want to seem insensitive, but the emotion he is showing for her has really hurt me. I realize she's the mother of his children, but they have been divorced for years. Please help me understand what's going on with him. -- STRONG EMOTIONS

DEAR STRONG EMOTIONS: Not knowing your husband, I can only hazard a few guesses. Although he and his ex-wife have been divorced for years, the idea of a possibly fatal illness striking someone who was once so close may be what's upsetting him. Or he may feel some guilt because of the circumstances of their divorce. Or her diagnosis may have been a chilly reminder of his own mortality. I hope this will give you some insight, because you are going to have to be patient with him until this is resolved.

DEAR ABBY: I need advice on how to enjoy my life and not allow the toxic environment of my job to overwhelm me. My job was nice when I started 12 years ago, and I enjoy helping people. I process payments for disabled people in a cubicle setting. However, my place of employment has become a backstabbing, uncaring, favoritism-oriented environment.

I am well-paid and have good health insurance, so I need to stay. But I am very sad each day going into work. It is affecting the way I interact with my children and my husband. Any ideas on how to get past the horrible day in the office so I can be at peace at home? -- DREADING IT

DEAR DREADING: I do have a few suggestions. When it's time to take your break, use it as an opportunity to escape the toxic environment. Put on headphones and listen to upbeat music, read a book or leave the office to eat lunch or have a snack. If possible, take a short walk or meditate and do breathing exercises to relax. Then, after work, before interacting with your children and your spouse, give yourself the "gift" of a 15- to 30-minute walk or jog, which may help you to draw a firm line of demarcation between your work life and your home life. And take your vacation time to get away and replenish your spirit.

DEAR ABBY: We have an adult relative who seems to feel it is appropriate to color a picture out of a coloring book in lieu of a gift or money for graduations, weddings, etc. She also seeks approval from everyone at these events to comment on how beautiful it is, to praise her for her coloring ability and how much time it took. We are tired of getting coloring book pictures as gifts. How can we get her to stop? -- MIFFED IN MINNESOTA

DEAR MIFFED: You may be tired of receiving those artistic efforts, but to say that to the relative who gave them to you would be beyond rude. Accept them graciously, and thank the person for the "time and effort" it took to complete them. What you do with them afterward is your own business.

DEAR ABBY: I have been happily married to "Roger" for 20 years and have two kids still at home. They are pretty independent now, but my husband was very involved in coaching and volunteering when they were younger.

Sometimes when Roger and I take walks, we run into children playing in a yard or biking up and down the block. If they initiate conversation, I'll smile at them and respond with a quick "hi" or "nice bike" and keep walking, but my husband will stop to chat or listen to what they say. I have told him not to do that regardless of whether they seem willing. My fear is that an overprotective mom (like many of us moms) glancing out the window and seeing a middle-aged stranger talking to their child may assume the worst.

I know Roger loves kids, and we both sometimes miss the younger years when kids could be more open and talk with adults, but times have changed. This used to happen more often when we'd go swimming with our kids and other kids who were bored and not closely supervised would be looking for other people playing together to join. I used to worry then that if I wasn't there it could be misconstrued, although my fears never came to pass.

Do you agree that adults (and especially male adults) have to be overly cautious about engaging in any communication with an unaccompanied child? -- CHANGING TIMES IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR CHANGING TIMES: I think (regrettably) that the answer to your question is yes. Because fears of molestation are so prevalent now, males do have to be more circumspect with minor children than they did years ago. Frankly, that's a shame, because kids gain so much confidence by knowing an adult is interested in what they have to say. Consider staying with your husband during these friendly instances as a "buffer."

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have two homes. We summer in Michigan and winter in Florida. To save money on maintenance, I'd like to sell the house in Michigan and move permanently to Florida. My husband doesn't want to be in Florida during the summer, but he also does not want to be in Michigan in the winter. He won't make a decision, but he leans toward living in Michigan full time.

Because I don't like living up north in the winter, I have told him I'll be staying all year in Florida starting in January to see how it is. He plans to return to Michigan. Our Florida home is older, so to come out ahead financially, we would need to sell our place in Michigan in order to buy a newer one in Florida. Any ideas on how this could be settled? -- WARMER WEATHER

DEAR WARMER WEATHER: Your idea about living for a "trial year" in Florida isn't a bad one. After spending a hot, humid summer there, you might change your mind about relocating permanently. You state that your reason for wanting to sell the Michigan home is you want a newer one than the place you presently own down south. Perhaps you could satisfy yourself and your spouse by simply spending some money to update the old one a bit. Please consider it.

DEAR ABBY: I am a mother of three and happily married to my kids' father. I am now seven months pregnant with my fourth baby, but this child is not my husband's. My husband is a loving man and a good father. My problem is, I don't know how to tell him I'm not carrying his baby. The man I slept with is married and always saying he wants to marry me. He has one son with his wife. I love my kids, and I still love my husband. How can I tell him the truth without tearing my family apart? -- BIG MISTAKE

DEAR BIG MISTAKE: Not knowing your husband, I can't guess at how he will react when you break the news. I'm sure he won't be pleased to hear it. Regardless, he must be told, so do it at a time when it's calm and quiet and you can discuss it without your children running in and out. I am sure he will have many questions -- among them, whether you plan to continue a relationship with the child's father. (Does the man plan to be part of the baby's life in years to come?)

Because this may have legal ramifications, discuss this with an attorney, who can guide you in case there may be visitation issues, custody problems, etc. lurking just beyond the horizon.

DEAR ABBY: I talked with one of my siblings about having a joint vacation. He suggested all of us get together with our spouses and go on one together. We discussed locations and had a family meeting to discuss the possibility. We're all in our 50s or older, and some of us have health issues.

There has always been a lot of bickering between some of us because of control issues. I explained to everyone that we can make our requests for locations, activities, etc., but we all need to be willing to give a little. The bickering is continuing, and some unkind things were said about others.

I just want to plan a fun vacation and have a good time, but I'm worried the negativity will carry over to the vacation. We are all we have left in this world. Our parents died years ago, and since then, one of our siblings has passed away, too. I worry that this may be a last chance for all of us to be together. All but one live within 10 miles of each other, and I'm sad to say we get together only a few times a year. Any suggestions on how to handle this sticky situation? -- IN VACATION MODE

DEAR VACATION MODE: Taking into consideration the family dynamics you have described, it's wishful thinking to believe you can control the way your siblings relate to each other. The reason they see each other so infrequently may have something to do with the fact that some of them are petty, immature and nasty. My suggestion would be to invite only those siblings who can get along with each other and see the other ones separately.