DEAR ABBY: I'm 14, starting my freshman year in high school and, of course, will be joining lots of clubs to prepare for college.

My best friend is gay, and when I asked her if she wanted to join any clubs together, she suggested the Gay-Straight Alliance club. As a saved Christian, I am unsure how to answer.

I believe Christians should treat homosexuals with kindness and respect. I believe also in same-sex marriage because of the legal protection it gives a couple. I respect my friend's decision, and I'm happy she's happy with her life. My family doesn't know how to respond either, though they have similar beliefs.

I am afraid if my church found out, they would dislike me for joining, as well as question where I really stand as a Christian. I feel conflicted about how to address both sides of my beliefs. Can you help? -- CAUGHT IN THE MIDDLE IN KENTUCKY

DEAR CAUGHT: I, too, believe that Christians (and people of all faiths) should treat each other with kindness and respect, regardless of their sexual orientation. But somewhere you got the impression that sexual orientation is a choice. It isn't. Your friend's orientation was determined before she was born, just as yours was.

Wanting to support your friend by joining a Gay-Straight Alliance is a commendable thing to do, and it follows the Golden Rule. I can't see how a church that preaches love would object to that.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 24-year-old college graduate who has been unable to find a full-time teaching job, so I'm working as a teaching assistant. My salary is less than average, and between rent, bills and student loans, I am stretched more than thin.

Recently, a woman has been talking to me about nannying for her child after school. She'd like to hire me and have me meet her child in person, and we agreed on an hourly rate. I was excited about the opportunity and looking forward to starting.

This week she told me she wants to report my work for her on her taxes, which means I'll have to report as a freelancer and pay estimated quarterly taxes while I work for her. Abby, this is unheard of in the baby-sitting world! I have been baby-sitting from my preteens all the way through college, and never once have taxes ever been part of the conversation.

My mother says I shouldn't be upset because the woman is doing what she's supposed to as far as the IRS is concerned, but I feel shortchanged. Shouldn't she have been upfront about her intentions when we discussed my hourly rate? Am I wrong for asking her for more money per hour to make up for some of the taxes? -- AFTER-SCHOOL NANNY

DEAR NANNY: William R. Turner, CPA, says your mother is correct. Your prospective employer is obeying the law. She wants you to meet her child, negotiate an hourly rate and hire you as a nanny, not as a baby sitter. Your new employer should have you fill out a form W-4 and pay you as an employee. Because payroll deductions will be taken out of your gross pay by your new employer, you should negotiate your hourly rate accordingly.

DEAR ABBY: I have been in two relationships. The first was with a girl a couple of years older than I am. We were together for several years before she cheated on me and dumped me. I was crushed. The next girl was a few years younger. She did the same thing after we were together a year.

What am I doing wrong? Fidelity is important to me, and they both knew it from the start. How can I avoid this in the future?

I have never been a controlling person. I was always fine with my girlfriends going out with their friends without me if I couldn't go for some reason. (That's how they ended up meeting the other guys.)

The people in lasting relationships I've seen watch each other like hawks, and never allow their significant other to be in the company of the opposite sex without them. Is this normal? Should I be like them? That seems controlling, but clearly, my "no boundaries" relationship style has backfired on me. -- CHEATED ON IN NEW YORK CITY

DEAR CHEATED ON: Few things can ruin a relationship or a marriage like obsessive jealousy can. Watching one's partner "like a hawk" is stifling. It will eventually drive the person away, as you will see as you continue to observe the couples you have mentioned. Please don't try to change the person you are because you are just fine.

I believe that in relationships there has to be a certain amount of responsibility. If someone is mature enough to be involved romantically, that person should be willing to admit if things aren't working out. Being cheated on is painful, and being dumped is equally so. Not every relationship leads to marriage, but rather than sneak around to avoid a frank conversation, it's better to practice the Golden Rule.

DEAR ABBY: I am in a predicament. My therapist is great, but sometimes I think she shares too much. Last time I went, she was running late. When I finally got into her office, she told me the previous patient was nonverbal and had painted her nails during the session. Later in the session, she confided that years ago she had been date raped.

Abby, I am in counseling because my father raped me when I was 15 (I am now 24). Her sharing has me worried because I don't want her telling others what I say or do during counseling. Further, her story of the date rape scared me. She described a situation that is not uncommon for me to be in, and it caused something almost like a flashback in me. I think what she did was insensitive, to say the least.

I have nobody else to ask, so what should I do? I'm getting counseling for free now due to my income, and it took months to get set up with a counselor. Should I report her or accept that this was a mistake and say nothing? If I need to report her, how would I go about doing that? -- CONFLICTED ABOUT IT

DEAR CONFLICTED: You should change therapists because it appears this one has more problems than you do. As to what agency you should report her breach of professional ethics to, contact the state organization that has licensed her to practice.

DEAR ABBY: I have been with my boyfriend for three years. I am pregnant with twins, and we already have a son together. His daughter lives with us as well.

With this pregnancy coming to term, I keep throwing hints to him about us becoming engaged, but he brushes them off. I know he's the person I want to spend the rest of my life with. I don't want to pressure him into an engagement, but it's been three years, three kids and a stepchild, and I still don't have my ring!

I wouldn't even mind a long engagement. I just want to know we're headed in the direction of marriage. I want to know he wants the same things I want. An engagement is the only way I'll feel sure he plans on spending his future with me. Can you help? -- VERY PREGNANT IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR VERY PREGNANT: It should be dawning on you by now that a man who brushes off hints about becoming engaged isn't interested in a formal arrangement. I wish you had asked for my advice 10 months ago, because I would have urged you not to become pregnant again unless you were sure where the relationship was going.

From where I sit, it is going nowhere. There is no way anyone can help you push someone who is unwilling into marriage. What I can do is stress that should anything happen to him, you and the little ones will be left with nothing unless he makes a will that names you as beneficiary. When you discuss THAT with him, do not hint or allow him to brush you off, because the implications are very serious.

DEAR ABBY: My sister "Marcie" is very attached to her dog, "Doodles." She had two. They were quite old, and one passed last year. It was traumatic for the entire family because we were concerned about Marcie's mental state. Now Doodles looks close to the end, and she's in a constant state of distress.

Marcie takes the dog with her everywhere, whether it's appropriate or not. When her in-laws invited her and her husband on a cruise next spring, she burst into tears at the thought of leaving Doodles for a week.

I'm beside myself with worry over my sister's mental state and afraid of what her dog's passing will bring. It's not just Doodles' age and declining health; Marcie has always let her animals run/ruin her life. Thousands of dollars have been spent replacing carpeting, wood floors, urine-stained curtains, rugs and furniture.

Any thoughts? How can she be prepared for what we all know is coming? -- TOO ATTACHED IN TENNESSEE

DEAR TOO ATTACHED: If you think there is anything the family can do to prepare your sister, forget it. She will go through a period of grieving for the animal companion she has grown to love. To her, Doodles is a full-fledged family member.

When the inevitable happens, be patient, be understanding, be prepared to listen when she pours out her grief and, if necessary, go online to help her find a grief support group for people who are mourning the loss of a pet.