DEAR ABBY: My wife and I have been married for 20 years. Before our two children started high school two years ago, we had a great marriage. Unfortunately, my wife has put our children's high school education above everything else. She's a classic "helicopter mom" who says that once the kids leave for college, our relationship will become great again.

As the months go by, I find myself being more of a father and a tutor than a husband and "intimate friend" to my wife. We have little in common with each other, little intimacy, and everything revolves around our children -- not us.

I have talked to her about this, and we have seen a counselor and a priest who told my wife that what she's doing is wrong. But things are getting worse, not better.

Any suggestions on how to get the message across before we get totally separated or even divorced? Or am I the one who needs to see things differently? -- NO HELICOPTER DAD

DEAR DAD: Your letter touches upon a conversation I have had several times over the last few years, and it involves whether helicopter parents are giving their children an advantage, or preventing them from developing social skills and independence. If your kids are having problems in school and need extra parental guidance, then I'm all for it. But if they aren't -- and their teachers should be able to tell you that -- then your wife isn't doing this because of their need but her own.

Because you say you're not sure your marriage will be intact by the time they graduate, I'm urging that you both have more marriage counseling NOW. I hate to see a 20-year marriage go down the drain, because that's where it's headed.

DEAR ABBY: My girlfriends are always trying to get me drunk. I don't need alcohol to have a good time, and in fact, I rarely drink. They say I'm "no fun," which is probably true. But that's just who I am.

Although they never drink and drive, they drink a lot and are embarrassing when they sing loud, stumble on the dance floor and slur their words. I'm afraid if I get drunk I may say something hurtful to them, and they will no longer be my friends.

My boyfriend says they're not true friends if they want me to drink to excess. My college days are behind me. I am mature enough not to succumb to this peer pressure. Is my boyfriend right? Do I need new friends? -- TEETOTALER IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR TEETOTALER: There are few things more unattractive than a person who is drunk. Your boyfriend may be right that you need some new friends, if yours can have a good time only if they use alcohol.

If I'm reading your letter correctly, it appears you may be their designated driver. My advice is to take yourself out of that equation, and if possible, socialize with them in situations that do not involve drinking. If that's not possible, then for your own sake, start cultivating friends with wider interests.

DEAR ABBY: At 2 p.m., July Fourth, I would love nothing better than for all Americans to stop briefly and give our country a ring ... well, THREE rings to be exact.

On July 4, 1963, President John F. Kennedy proclaimed the ringing of bells nationwide with the words, "Let's ring freedom bells!" I was a White House aide then, and I vividly recall how exciting it was when bells rang across the nation coast to coast. Since then, many Americans have forgotten to keep the tradition going. Let's start again!

From one American to another, I ask all citizens to help me revive the ringing of bells at 2 p.m. this July Fourth in celebration of the adoption of the Declaration of Independence. It's easy. Ring a bell, shake your keys, tap a glass or find a bell-ringing app on your smartphone. It will give our country a much-needed sense of unity and connection to our past as one nation, one people.

The Ironworkers, Sheet Metal Workers and Firefighters International Unions of the AFL-CIO, The National Cartoonists Society and Malmark Inc. have joined with No Greater Love in this special celebration of our freedom and the guardians who protect us -- our troops, firefighters and police.

Please, Abby, make your millions of readers aware of this effort. As inscribed on the Liberty Bell, "Let us proclaim liberty throughout the land unto all the inhabitants thereof." -- CARMELLA LASPADA, FOUNDER, NO GREATER LOVE

DEAR CARMELLA: I'm glad to help. I agree that shared traditions are the glue that binds us together as a nation. So readers, on July Fourth, take a moment to quietly reflect on what this holiday is all about. Then make a joyful noise and thank God for his blessings on our country and the freedoms we enjoy today. That's the American spirit!

DEAR ABBY: My fiancee and I share a credit card that was opened under my name. I use it for gas and household or family needs. She uses it for personal things such as buying dolls for her collection.

I was informed that I will no longer be able to use the card after the last statement we got. (I had spent more than $100 on gas for the month.) I feel I am using the card for the purpose for which it was intended. Buying things that aren't for the family but for her personal enjoyment wasn't our agreement.

I'm not sure how to approach her about this without it becoming an argument. She has a spending problem.

I recently found a job, so I contribute financially to the household. This is something that has been thrown in my face every time we talk about money. I want to see the statement so I can compare who spent how much on what, but when I ask to see it, she gets defensive. -- IN THE DARK IN MICHIGAN

DEAR IN THE DARK: If the credit card is in your name, then you are responsible for anything that is purchased with it. The statements are addressed to you, and you have a right to see them. That your fiancee is refusing to show them to you is a sure sign that she has something to hide.

That's why you must take the card away from her to ensure that she isn't putting you into a financial hole you won't be able to dig yourself out of. And because the lady can't seem to control her spending, I'm urging you to think long and hard before marrying her, because after you do, you will be responsible for her debts.

DEAR ABBY: I recently took my children to spend a week with my mother-in-law, "Bea." Three days after we arrived, my husband flew in to join us. The next day, Bea handed me a hotel room key and told me to take as many of the children as I wanted, but I could not take my husband because she never gets to spend time with him!

I told Bea I was offended, and that I should not have been invited if it wasn't a "family" trip. As I was packing to leave, my mother-in-law left and spent the rest of our visit in the hotel herself while my family and I stayed at her home.

My husband has now told me that I will not be "allowed" to visit her again, and when she visits us next, it will be just him and the kids because I make his mother "uncomfortable." Must I stay away as he says, or should I pursue keeping myself included when they visit my mother-in-law? -- MOM OF FOUR IN MARYLAND

DEAR MOM OF FOUR: Did this happen out of the blue, or have you always had a strained relationship with your husband's mother? (I'm guessing it's the latter.) If so, why?

If the genesis of this is something you have said or done, and you can't mend fences, then perhaps it would be better if you made other plans while Bea visits. If it isn't, then face it: You married a mama's boy, and for that you have my sympathy.

Were I in your shoes, rather than inflict my presence on "Queen Bea," I'd grab the chance to treat myself to a well-earned vacation when the "lady" is in town -- and ditto when your husband and the kids go to visit Granny. Check into a spa and let yourself have a good time!

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 13-year old boy who loves to play baseball and football. Because of my hard work and dedication over the years, along with the help of my coaches and my dad, I'm pretty good at both sports.

The issue is, my mom does not support me and repeatedly tells me I'm not good at either one. When she says it, it cuts my heart out.

My parents have been divorced since I was 2, and Dad has always done everything for me. Even though he gives me encouragement, it still stings when Mom tells me I'm not good. She constantly says negative and bad things about my dad that I know are not true, but when I defend him she goes crazy with rage. What can I do to get her to stop being so negative? -- VERY DISCOURAGED IN TEXAS

DEAR VERY DISCOURAGED: Your letter made me sad because there is nothing you can do to make your mother change her attitude. She appears to be an angry and unhappy person, who may perceive your closeness with your father as a threat to her. What you CAN do is stop placing so much importance on receiving her approval. If your coach thinks you're doing well, and these sports bring you a sense of closeness with your father, then you should enjoy them for those reasons.