life

Online Boyfriend Shies Away From Face-To-To-Face Meetings

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | June 24th, 2014 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR ABBY: I met a guy online. We have been dating for some time now. We have a wonderful connection and have our dates on Skype. The problem is, we have never met in person.

Every time we plan on meeting, he shuts up for a time, isn't reachable, then suddenly reappears and makes excuses, asking me to forgive him and plan another meeting. Should I still believe this will happen anytime soon? -- LEFT HANGING IN NAIROBI

DEAR LEFT HANGING: I'm sorry to be the bearer of bad tidings, but something smells fishy here. "Catfishy." From where I sit, it appears your wonderful connection may be only your connection to the Internet. A person who does this repeatedly may not be who he has represented himself to be. Do not count on him for ANYthing.

Love & Dating
life

Bored and Lonely Teen Should Find Hobby to Fill Her Time

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | June 24th, 2014 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR ABBY: My 19-year-old sister died two years ago from an overdose. I'm 13. We were very close when we were little, but during the four years before she passed away, my parents didn't want us around each other for fear of her rubbing off on me, and she wasn't home half the time anyway. A year earlier she went to rehab, and I remember talking with her about how she was clean for good and then ...

It's just so lonely! All my friends have sisters and brothers and I don't, and I'm bored all the time. My parents work a lot, so I'm home alone at least three times a week, and although I've got friends and sports, I'm just really alone.

It's awkward going out to dinner or going on vacation because my parents just want to sit and relax, and I want to go out and do things, but it's embarrassing going everywhere with your parents. I miss having her around. -- ALONE IN OHIO

DEAR ALONE: Please accept my sympathy for the loss of your sister. You are still grieving, which is why you say you feel alone. However, if you think about it, because of her addiction, she has been out of your life for longer than two years. It may be that what you're really mourning is the relationship you MIGHT have had.

You say you have friends. If you listen to them talk, you may find that they, too, sometimes feel alone even if they have siblings. Many teenagers have told me this. Because you're bored when you're not with your friends or participating in sports, consider finding a hobby that will fill your time when your parents are working, or do some volunteering if they agree.

You might also consider adopting a pet from a shelter to keep you company. Of course, pets require feeding, training, affection and exercise, but in return they offer unconditional love and companionship. If it would be all right with your parents, it might be a solution for you.

TeensFamily & ParentingDeathAddiction
life

Love of Woman's Life Can Be Only a Part-Time Passion

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | June 23rd, 2014 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I fell in love with a boy when I was 12, deeply in love. We met at our county fair. We grew up together and have remained friends for 30 years. He married and had children, as did I. I am now divorced, but he's still married.

Recently our friendship has grown into something more. He wants our relationship to continue, but he's afraid to leave his wife because of the kids. They have been together for 20 years.

What do I do? He's the love of my life. Any time I have with him is better than none. It's not that I don't know I deserve better, but he is unhappy, and I am miserable without him. What do I do? -- PRISONER OF PASSION IN VIRGINIA

DEAR PRISONER: What you do depends upon your strength of character and what you want out of life. If you want to spend the foreseeable future as this man's "side dish," then continue as you have been, a "prisoner of passion" with not much common sense. If you would like to have a stable life and find a man who will make you No. 1 in his life, then you will have to call a halt to this affair and go through a period of withdrawal -- the same as people have to do with any addiction. It may not be pleasant, but I recommend it.

Marriage & DivorceLove & Dating
life

75th Birthday Is Cause For Celebration Of Life

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | June 23rd, 2014 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I'm turning 75 soon, and enjoying retirement, good health and a comfortable lifestyle, which is why I have arranged a "Celebration of My Life -- So Far." I'm excited about it and eagerly anticipating more than 60 guests for cocktails and a sit-down dinner at a nearby hotel.

It's not uncommon these days for a celebration of life to be held after someone dies. However, I prefer to have mine BEFORE I leave this Earth so I can celebrate along with my loved ones. I want to be there, especially since I'm the one who's paying for it!

What do you think of my idea? Would you enjoy partaking in such a special event? -- THINKING AHEAD IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR THINKING AHEAD: I think it's a terrific idea. And yes, I would enjoy celebrating such a special event, if I were invited. When is this party? I'll be standing by my mailbox!

Holidays & CelebrationsDeath
life

Men And Women May Object To Being Called Boys And Girls

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | June 23rd, 2014 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: Why is it socially acceptable to refer to a grown woman as a "girl," and yet it would never be appropriate to call a man a "boy"? -- BARBARA IN HUNTSVILLE, ALA.

DEAR BARBARA: I'm not sure whether all women would accept being called a "girl." In fact, some would find it condescending and offensive. If you call a man a "boy," he could regard it as an assault on his masculinity.

And yet, I have heard those terms used in the third person, as in, "What's my husband doing on Saturday? He'll be out playing golf with the boys, while I'll be going to lunch with the girls." And I have never heard that it was offensive to either sex.

Etiquette & Ethics
life

Lone Star Transplant Longs for Return to Empire State

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | June 22nd, 2014 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I'm a lifelong New York resident; my husband is not. So when he had an opportunity to move to Houston to be closer to his only brother, he desperately wanted to move.

My children are grown and on their own, so no problem there. Although leaving my career, my mother and my children to move so far away was difficult for me, my husband doesn't have much of a family, so I knew it was important to him. He never had children, and he wanted to be part of his niece's and nephew's lives. So we moved.

Now we're treated like we don't exist! We're not invited to family events, they never visit us and we're not included during holidays. These are the people who begged us for the last 13 years to move to Texas.

I want to return to New York. He doesn't want to go. I'm afraid if I insist, I'll need to move back alone. Should I risk my marriage over it? -- HOMESICK FOR NEW YORK

DEAR HOMESICK: There is a middle ground between moving back to New York and staying in Texas. One of them is making regular trips to visit your mother, children and friends. Another would be to understand that your husband's family cannot be your sole source of social activity.

You and your husband should join clubs and volunteer your time to some worthy causes. That's the way people meet each other. Texans are known for their hospitality -- so give them a fair chance. But only as a last resort should you sacrifice your marriage.

Marriage & DivorceFamily & Parenting
life

Quiet Loner Speaks Up Enough To Kick Out His Girlfriend

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | June 22nd, 2014 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I have been dating "Hank" for five years. He has always been a loner. He has never been married and has no kids. We lived together for four years and our relationship is wonderful other than his "just being him." He's kind of self-centered and not very communicative.

Hank just learned that his mother is terminally ill. He came home from work, told me to pack and move out, gave me five minutes of his time and then left! I packed some clothes and went.

I'm not sure if I should stay away or try to get him to talk this through with me. This is tearing me apart. I know he loves me, but I'm afraid that with what's going on with his mom, he's shutting me out because he can't handle it. I'm the closest person to him, but he is pushing me away. Please give me some advice. -- FEELING VERY ALONE IN MAINE

DEAR VERY ALONE: Whether you should remain involved with Hank depends upon how great your tolerance is for pain. He isn't shutting you out; he gave you one giant kick in the fanny. He also isn't "kind of" self-centered; he's VERY self-centered.

If you're curious about his mother's health, call and ask from time to time. But do not expect to get back together anytime soon. To have ended the relationship with you the way he did was brutal.

Love & Dating
life

Widower Anticipates Being A Catch

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | June 22nd, 2014 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I became a widower two years ago and only recently started dating. Although I am in my early 70s, I'm in great physical shape and have all my hair. I am also financially well off and I think I'm reasonably good looking. My concern is, how do I avoid becoming a trophy husband? -- POTENTIAL PRIZE IN FLORIDA

DEAR POTENTIAL PRIZE: That should be easy. Don't reveal your financial status and don't propose.

MoneyLove & Dating

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