life

Plan Ahead To Avoid Vacation Travel Headaches

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | June 13th, 2014 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR ABBY: I have been working as a desk clerk at a motel in Montana for several years. With travel season here, I was hoping you could help your readers who find themselves on the road to avoid sleepless nights and headaches.

Several times a year many of the accommodations on the interstate can be fully booked due to weather or local events, and travelers are sometimes forced to drive several hundred miles to find a room for the night. You can help your readers by reminding them that they should start checking on motel occupancy early in the day, or even the day before, if they know where they would like to stop for the night. That way, situations like this can be avoided, and they will have a more enjoyable and relaxing trip. -- ON THE ROAD AGAIN

DEAR ON THE ROAD: Thank you for the suggestion. Many of my readers take road trips during the summer months, and I hope they'll remember your letter before they start the ignition and head for the highways.

Holidays & Celebrations
life

Dad Is Eager to Do Everything Right for His Baby Daughter

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | June 13th, 2014 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR ABBY: I'm a married father with a son 19 months old, and a baby girl on the way. While I couldn't be more excited about my daughter's impending arrival, I'm unsure about whether there is a right time to stop doing things like changing a diaper or seeing my daughter unclothed because she's a girl and I'm not.

I come from a conservative family, but because this is a new experience for me, I'm not sure how to go about it. I know this dynamic changes when these roles are occupied by a mother and her son, and that a little boy is probably older by the time the transition occurs. I don't want to end up in a position where my wife or daughter regrets my involvement in some aspects of my daughter's life. Any thoughts? -- EXPECTANT DAD IN NEW YORK

DEAR EXPECTANT DAD: Fathers have become far more involved in child-rearing in recent years than they were in generations past, and it's a wonderful thing. You should not be worried that changing your daughter's diapers or giving her a bath will scar her emotionally. In fact, the opposite is true. Discuss this with your wife and your daughter's pediatrician, and I'm sure they will allay your fears.

As to when you should stop seeing your daughter unclothed, you have years before that may become necessary. As she becomes aware of her changing body, she will probably let you know, or her mother will. This is a cultural thing. Some families practice a naturist lifestyle without anyone being "damaged" by it.

Family & ParentingSex & Gender
life

Neighbor Reaching Out for Relief Should Have His Hands Slapped

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | June 12th, 2014 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: My girlfriend and I live next to a married couple our age we have befriended. Unfortunately, the husband has been making unwanted advances toward my girlfriend. Being friendly with them both, we have kept it to ourselves so as not to hurt the wife. She's ill and has been in and out of the hospital.

The husband is approaching my girlfriend saying he needs "stress relief" because his wife is ill. We now feel something needs to be said to the wife, but we still have to live next door to them.

We're at a loss. What's the best way to handle this? -- HAD ENOUGH IN FLORIDA

DEAR HAD ENOUGH: The next time this man hits on your girlfriend, she should tell him bluntly that it's not her job to "relieve his stress." That is his responsibility. She should also tell him if it happens again she'll tell you AND his wife what he's up to.

As to being friendly with this couple in the future, FORGET IT. That bridge was burned the first time he stepped out of line.

Friends & Neighbors
life

Co-Worker's Tale Of Woe Becomes A Broken Record

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | June 12th, 2014 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I have a colleague who's a drama queen. Perhaps I'm a little bit guilty, too, but "Sharon" talks excessively about her personal life. There's the boyfriend who doesn't support her and their 2-year-old child financially or emotionally, her mom who suffers from many medical conditions, and her neighbor whose daughter was murdered some months ago. Sharon's life seems to be a magnet for drama.

My colleagues and I have lent our ears and our shoulders to cry on. I have also tried to advise her (like you do) to no avail. I have now reached my limit. Is there a tactful way to deal with her? We work in proximity at least half the time, so total avoidance is not possible. -- INUNDATED IN HAWAII

DEAR INUNDATED: If Sharon asks you for advice, tell her you don't have any more to offer. And if she starts dumping on you, handle it by saying kindly, but firmly, that you need to work and don't have time to listen. If you say it often enough, Sharon will find someone else to listen. Trust me.

Work & School
life

Daughter Looks For Ally In Fight With Strict Dad

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | June 12th, 2014 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: Do you have any advice for fathers who don't listen to you? Or fathers who are too protective and don't know how to let go? -- STARGIRL IN MICHIGAN

DEAR STARGIRL: My advice to fathers would be to form as close a relationship with their daughters as they can while the girls are little. Teenage girls whose fathers are involved in their lives tend to engage in sexual activity at later ages.

However, whether a father is "too protective" may be a question of perspective -- the father's or the daughter's. I have heard many adults say in retrospect how much they appreciate that their parents were strict. But I have rarely heard the contrary.

Family & ParentingTeens
life

Woman's Texts to Her Ex Threaten Her Marriage

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | June 11th, 2014 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR ABBY: I'm a twice-divorced woman who found my present husband late in life. I'm in my early 60s, and my husband is in his 70s. We married quickly because I didn't want to be alone in life and I thought I loved him.

My husband works while I stay at home because of a medical condition. Because I get bored, I spend some of my time communicating with and texting male friends from the past and one of my ex-husbands.

We have fun texting and sometimes it goes a little beyond that. I realize I am married and my ex is engaged, but how harmful can this be? I don't think I'm hurting anyone, and it helps the day go by.

Is this considered cheating? I don't think it is because my ex and I live in different states and the chances of us ever getting together again are slim to none. -- PASSING TIME

DEAR PASSING TIME: This isn't harmless fun; it's a threat to your marriage. Whether I consider it cheating is beside the point. Whether your husband and your ex's fiancee would consider it cheating is the question. If they got wind of your "pastime," I suspect both would be hurt, angry and feel violated. Not only that, you could lose Husband No. 3.

Marriage & Divorce
life

Toddler's Boob Obsession Causes Alarm For Mom

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | June 11th, 2014 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR ABBY: My 2-year-old daughter has recently become boob-obsessed. The first thing she does in the morning is point at my chest and say, "Boobs!" If she hugs me, she tries to grab them. Sometimes I catch her staring at my chest in fascination. I scold her when she grabs at them, but it's disturbing.

I never taught her the word "boob" and feel annoyed that she probably learned it from our sitter. When I spoke to the sitter about it, she laughed and said it's perfectly normal and that a lot of kids are boob-obsessed. But it doesn't seem normal to me, and I'm creeped out.

I have started wearing sweatshirts to keep covered up. My little girl has also started grabbing my butt and lifting up my shirt, and I'm nervous about how she's acting around the sitter and other women in the family. Is this behavior normal? -- CREEPED OUT IN VALENCIA, CALIF.

DEAR CREEPED OUT: Children have been known to act out to get attention. If a parent acts shocked at something the child does or says, the child will repeat the action for its shock value. Because you are concerned that your daughter's behavior isn't normal, the person to discuss this with would be her pediatrician. The doctor can put your fears to rest or alert you if there is something to worry about.

Another thought: Ask your baby sitter to be more circumspect in the language she uses around your child if the word "boob" offends you, because children build their vocabularies repeating the words they hear.

Family & ParentingSex & Gender

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