DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: My uncle is the executor of my grandparents’ wills. My grandmother died a few years ago, and everything just went to my grandfather. He passed late last year, and my uncle and his wife took it on themselves to decide what to do with everything in my grandparents’ house before it was sold.
My mom said my grandparents didn’t believe in setting things aside for different family members, but told their kids they wanted everything divided evenly. That didn’t really happen, because everything was sold, donated, or dumped by my uncle and aunt before anyone in the family knew they were doing it. It made my mother extremely sad and angry because there were a few pieces of furniture and cooking and baking things she always told the family she would like to have.
My uncle showed my mother the will and all the receipts, and the will says he had the right as the executor, to “distribute all possessions and assets in a manner executor deems equitable.” He has, in fact, evenly split the proceeds of anything that was sold with my mother and their younger brother, but it isn’t the same to my mother as having some of the things she grew up with and that remind her of her mom and dad.
I know that my uncle had the legal right to do what he did, but don’t you think it would have been the right thing to do to let his brother and sister have a chance to have some things that were part of their parents’ home? --- GOT RID OF IT ALL
DEAR GOT RID OF IT ALL: I’ve seen similar situations to this over the years, and in most of those cases, family relationships have soured or been permanently damaged because of resentment both by those not in control of the way things are handled and the executors.
As I generally try to do, I’ll give your uncle the benefit of the doubt that his motives were good, if misplaced. If so, it’s possible he saw his role as being an expediter, so that your mom and other uncle didn’t have to do anything but sit back and collect their monetary shares of the final inheritance.
Perhaps the best way to salvage something good out of this painful lesson is for your mother and uncle to make sure they specifically designate any and all particular bequests they wish observed in their own wills.